dad questions
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- trooperbill
Gonna be a dad in January... what stuff should I know about?
Lay it on me bro's
- cruddlebub0
baby poo... is like mustard and stinks... enjoy changing them nappies!
get used to having a very random sleeping pattern if you're lucky enough to have any sleep at all...
the feeling of actually being a dad isn't one that can be put into words, but be ready for wanting to give up everything and anything to make sure that bambino is safe! you wont be able to help it.
my son is 7 now, and i love him more than i've ever loved anything, its a strange feeling.
- use cloth diapers. it's better for the environmentsarahfailin
- nb-2
Everything you need to know is right here. Now available at your local library.
- mg333
Our daughter Hannah just turned 7 months old this week. There's one piece of advice I can give you that will matter more than anything, trust me.
As you're dealing with crying while trying to get your child to fall asleep, it gets really frustrating. It's easy to lose patience. I had a bad problem with it and it was stressful.
So, I started loosely timing how long it took her to fall asleep, through the full cycle of sitting down to get her sleepy, the crying, and then being fully asleep. It averaged out to about 8 - 10 minutes.
After that, I got used to the time it took, and when at like 5, 6 minutes of wailing, I knew the end was near, and it seriously cut down on ability to get stressed out. Much easier to fight through it and not get frustrated. Seriously, DO THIS.
- 8-10 minutes?! I don't want to hear about this stressing you out! :)nocomply
- Nah, the stressful part was the first few times not knowing how long it would take.mg33
- this idea sounds very helpfulsarahfailin
- renderedred-2
for many reasons i bid my children "goodbye" the day they were born. they are mine, yes i love them, but if you build up more than a simple and friendly relationship with your children first of all they will suffer and grow up suffering and you will suffer too.
children are independent people do not forget that, as much as you do provide for them, love them, etc. what i wanted for my children was one simple thing, absolute freedom. freedom to learn on their own, deal with things and ask for help when they need it. i admit i failed at that and agonize over it more than anything else most of the time.
it my sound unorthodox to some, but children are NOT pets. they are NOT your private project. again, they are people. they need to develop on their own. with your help but on their own.P.S. and, yes, don't tell their mothers about what you're thinking like i did. ;) in most cases that can and will lead to a disaster. mothers are fierce and very judgemental when it comes to children...
- wow... how odd.cruddlebub
- They're an extension of you 'til they begin to outgrow you. Starting off as you are is... cold. Alien. And I'm a Brit who went to a boarding school...detritus
- cold indeed...cruddlebub
- then why have children if you can't be there for them? sounds to me like you were the irresponsible one. way to scar those kids for life.sea_sea
- i know it sounds odd and cold. but that's my advice on dads'n'stuff. all the mayhem and anarchy was ok until kids came. i grew up that way,renderedred
- with anarchist parents and always felt it worked out good for me as well as my siblings.renderedred
- and, yes, i love children and mine in particular. i just don't make a fuss about it. children are your friends.renderedred
- if its how you were brought up didn't you think it was cold etc? and if you did why would you do this to your own? doesn't make sense!cruddlebub
- i never thought it was "cold". for real. but it is different. i realise that, i've been told it's brutal even. so "cold" is fine :)renderedred
- seriously, we fight and love like everybody else just in a different way.renderedred
- okay, i'm listening.. so do you interact with your children? or haven't seen them since? how do you know they are okay? seriously curious now.sea_sea
- Someone's taking this shit too seriouslycannonball1978
- < I disagree with this post.stoplying
- referring to me cannon? i've worked with children in a professional setting most of my life, yes i'm curious to here about this.sea_sea
- your child is not your friend till much much later. there is a happy medium between helicopter mom/dad and being irresponsibly negligentgilgamush
- @sea_sea i do see my children and i don't. it depends on their mood and their mothers' decisions. i am not ALONE in this you know...renderedred
- btw i did and still do stand by my offer of joint custody but all the mothers turned it down. money does great things to people :)renderedred
- mg333
Also, if you're impatient, get easily frustrated, have a short temper and you discover this after the baby is here, make sure you talk with your wife about it. I had a night this week once she started teething again that I just had to say "I know it's late, I know we're both tired, and I know you do way more than I do most nights for her, but I can't do this right now, because I don't want to feel angry or made at her and give off that vibe." (babies can totally sense that stuff).
Basically apologized for giving up in that moment, but she understood why and I think we were glad I put that out there. It's not always like that, but when you start feeling that mix of frustration and anger (and it will happen no matter how chilled out of a guy you are) you need to step away from it and not let it get the better of you. The last thing you'll ever want is to get made at a kid for something neither of you can really control.
- Wow great insight. I'll be trying for a baby in the coming year and I will remember this. Thanks.monospaced
- TMI, monodoesnotexist
- Oh God, the horror!
Why did you have to put the picture in mind of you grunting sweatily away, seeding your partner?detritus - haha dne, exactlydetritus
- Not really. You put that own damn picture in your head.monospaced
- you're a good dad mg. i'm guessing staying on the same page and communicating with your partner is key.sea_sea
- cruddlebub0
mg33, my son didn't cry or cause much fuss until he was 10 months old, then the fun really started.
He would go to sleep like normal at 7 then, no matter what time we went to bed, he would wake up and be wide awake again ALL NIGHT!
This pretty much lasted for 3 fucking years...
He had his own room early enough, so that wasn't the issue.
He eventually grew out of it, but i remember sleeping on the sofa many times to try and get some form of sleep.
- mg331
cruddlebub,
Our daughter has been sleeping really well since 5 months. We've been lucky. Most nights she's asleep around 7:30, and sleeps till about 6:30am. Occasionally we're up to put a pacifier back in her mouth if she wakes up, but she often finds it on her own.
If she's teething that's a whole different story as you know, but Tylenol before bed has helped.
Once she stopped eating at night, and started eating baby food with her milk, the full night sleeping started, which is so great. We get a decent night's sleep now and have for a couple months.
- cruddlebub0
Eli slept amazingly until the ten month mark... then all hell broke loose, but we did really well considering!
My partner would get shitty and moan at me about it, but we never took it out on him!
Now i struggle to get him up in the morning! ha
- bezoar1
Yeah, mentally your're pushed to a breaking point (it gets really dark sometimes). Deep breath, call for some back-up. When times got rough I watched videos of my son sleeping.
Treat yo'self when you can. Good luck to you and congrats.
- juanluisgarcia3
before we left the hospital the nurse told me, "whatever you do, don't shake your baby."
i laughed thinking how absurd that sounded.
a month later after no sleep i got a sickening urge to shake her because she wouldn't stop crying the whole month. i remembered what the nurse told me and it made me sick to my stomach.
i love my family more than anything but now i know why sleep deprivation is a real form of torture.
the funny thing is as you're reaching your breaking point things change and then when you get used to the change it changes again haha
take pictures and video of the good times so that when it gets tough you can go back and remember how beautiful it can be.
congrats! oh and try your damned hardest to be a part of the solution and not add to the problem. you and your better half are a team and it's easy for that to be tested when you're on edge. hehe good times!
- ArchitectofFate2
2 things,
You're the best parents (hubby/wifey) your kids are gonna have. Don't take shit from others.
And spend time not money with them kiddies
- sea_sea1
congrats! :) i'm not a dad, but i had one once, the best thing growing up is how he made me feel safe and loved. i probably took him for granted but he was a kind loving figure, not afraid to be affectionate in public, something i grew out of as a teenager, but i wish i had today.
i remember i could here his old ford truck coming around the corner so i would drop everything and run outside and literally jump up and down with my hands in the air. my dad loved that. i have a dog that does that for me now, so i kinda get it. LOL
my dad was also an alcoholic for many years, so i clearly also remember the fights between my parents. the screaming and domestic violence that came from a catholic mexican family was brutal. every day i got hit by my mom with a leather belt, at least 3 good wacks or it didn't count. my mom was insane and neurotic thanks to her unhappy marriage i'm assuming now.
my point is if you and your partner aren't doing well, one or the other will fuck up your kids. the kids know when you're upset at each other, please try to handle your differences knowing they are watching. my mom would make me choose between them and talk shit about my father, the whole time i hated her more and more. don't mean to bring this thread down, just sharing because imo it's important to learn from others parenting mistakes as well.
- omahadesigns0
Don't be afraid to send them to programs and classes young. The sheltered kids who spend too much time with their parents don't learn as many social skills.
Get a dog to teach them responsibility.
- nocomply1
The best advice I got was from a friend of mine who's older and has 5 kids. He said the first few months pretty much feel like managing a series of ongoing crises, but it gets better.
He was totally right. Don't try to fight it. Just give in to the chaos.
I remember a particular day when our baby was about 3 weeks old. He alternated between screaming and nursing all day with the occasional cap nap in between. Tempers flared. We thought he was sick, or he was having an allergic reaction to something in his milk, or that he was a colicy baby. But we were wrong. That's just what babies do at that age.
So chill out and remember that some of the early days are going to suck, but it's ok.
- trooperbill0
thanks guys. yeah i have a reall short attention span and a temper i try and keep in check. im really worried about the last one as i remember looking after my nephew years ago who really knew how to push my buttons and i wanted to kill him... but didnt <phew>
- ApeRobot0
Good read. Forward thinking.
Thomas Gordon.
Aletha Solter.
- cruddlebub0
As for home tutoring or early classes, thats all BS.
My son has a cousin who is 6 months older than him, but is in his year at school and his class.
She was given home tuition from my sister (who's a qualified teacher) and not sent to play groups or anything like that.
My son was allowed to just be a kid! he enjoyed playschool from 2 onwards.
She was very antisocial and didn't cope well with groups of children at all. When they started pre-school he started perfectly where as she really struggled, now they are both 7 nearly 8 and going into year 3 at junior school and there is no difference in their ability academically...
so what i am saying is, let them enjoy being a child, don't force them to learn! of course help them if they are interested in learning, my son has always been very very good with numbers and numeracy, the other day he came down and asked how long there was of a film i was watching, 16 minutes i said, he instantly replied with "that's 960 seconds".
Everyone has a different take on parenthood and everyone is very judgemental. Try and do it your own way, i come from a big family and am the second eldest sibling and that has helped.
Your parents are always a good bunch to turn to for help.
- GeorgesII2
All the advices given here are excellent so all I can say read them, let them sink in and make your own version of it,
all I can do is talk about all the junk you're probably going to buy, if someone told me I could get 80% of the things I needed from friends and familly, it would have saved us a lot of money,
So here is a list of things you should probably ask around before buying them.
• Bed frame (get a new mattress)
• Stroller
• Baby food maker (mixers, biberon warmer, cleaning apparels, containers, etc)
• Clothing, we bought and received so much clothing for the few months of my son's life, but we ended using the same set of clothing, they grow so fast you'll never be able to use most of the "fashion" clothes more than a few time, so ask around
• Toys: get them from your friends too, they'll be more than happy go get rid of the music making hellspawnssorry that's all I got right now, but if someone would have told me this years ago, it would have saved us tons of cash, wish you the best mate
- Agreed. You don't need 80% of baby products out there. Buy it when you need it and you'll save yourself money and a roomful of unused clutter.monstroyer
- ApeRobot0
Just a helpful link.
Signing with your baby or toddler.
It's working pretty well,i started when the baby was 6 months old.