Venting...
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- sea_sea0
fak yall bitchesssss.... just venting.
- cannonball19780
I drove down to my moms house and she put out an air mattress even though my sister's room clearly dosen't have anyone sleeping in there. What am I, the sleep on the floor son? I'm 31. Fuckin' bullshit.
- _salisae_0
I want to buy some furniture so I choose a retailer whose aesthetic is appropriate and buy a bedroom set. They deliver it and also provide me with extras I didn't purchase. Now I'm wondering if I paid too much initially and if I go back and they don't give me all the extra goodies I'm disappointed and no longer happy with simply making a new purchase.
- _salisae_0
Epill - I think you should get paid for what you create and giving (way) more devalues the requested deliverables.
- seed0
Without getting into too much detail I have had to cut all ties with my father. I grew up with constant fighting, domestic violence and extreme alcoholism. My half brother, who I've met only a few times, is older than me and still feels very hurt and abandoned. On the other hand, his presense was so chaotic to me, I recall at 4 or 5 being glad he was gone.
He is very funny when he is in a normal mood. I tried to restablish a relationship with him. I was bringing my kids to visit for a while.
Long story short, he still continued to bother my mother and I can't tolerate that. You can forgive but don't have to associate with someone if bad or threatening behavior continues.
My wife and kids would like to see him. No one on my side of the family thinks we should bother with him. I can't imagine exactly how I'll feel when he is gone.
I think that he warped me in a way as a kid. One thing that does bother me is how much I struggled to be a normal person thoughout my youth and young adulthood. I feel like I've had to learn everything myself the hard way. One positive for me is that I try to do every the opposite with my kids, I teach them everything I wish I would've known, love them and give them every opportunity to grow and succeed in life. They are really sociable and well behaved. I think we should all just try to improve ourselves and the next generation no matter what our experience is.
- e-pill0
i fucked up on a recent job.. the client asked for 3 tiers for 3 price points collections for 3 levels of retails. i submitted 5 collections for each level of retail price point, that is 15 different collections [11 different skus in each collection] with 30 colourways for each, also custom hardware, logos and over functionalized.. when i submitted, the amount of work in the short week, really blew their minds as their current team doesn't work that fast as a whole.. that when they made their decisions on the submissions.. the 2nd assignment was given to finalize 1 group, show 3- 2nd tier level collections.. which i had done but without the extra bells and whistles i had present in the first round.
i get a call early morning from the CEO. he starts out by apologizing for waking me up, then starts out saying how he was so impressed with my work ethics, with my attention to detail to the work i presented but also to the research i had done, in such a short time. he was overly impressed that i went passed what was asked and presented it all. he says how the rest of his team respects my experience and wants to see me part of their team for a long time....
then he says.. i was disappointed in your 2nd presentation as you only did what we asked of you to do and did not present the same level of work that i had done a week earlier.. he said even though i had descriptions, a collection story, 30 colourways, he felt the colourway i chose to use as the sample was incorrect, he says the words i chose to describe my own work was incorrect, he goes on about these little details that his opinion of my work that he had no guidance with just was created.. he didn't understand that even though i submitted what he had asked that it wasn't with his current expectations as i had raised the bar on my own visual to others.. that i had to now in his eyes always show that same level.. not sure if i fucked myself or not..
as i work from my home office.. him and his partners now want me to be in their environment as to see just what i do when i do it..
do i continue with this gig? its one of my dream brands to design for, but i worked in so many brands that the dream doesn't matter that much anymore.. do i cut my losses and learn that giving more is a mistake, or do i continue and just submit ONLY what they ask for and never submit more and just keep going?
im not asking for an answer.. i'm just venting!!!
- seed0
I would agree that this would be a good chance for an honest talk. Tell him that you are trying, that it was incredibly rude to stand you up and relay some of your feelings.
- zenmasterfoo0
Ok, here it comes...
Monkeyshine recognizes that he's like his dad in some respects. That can be scary, yes. Your father dismisses you and has kept you from his life. This has been training for you as a future father figure as well. You may actually be reflecting some of those dismissive traits right back at him, and even though the irony should smack him in the face, for you it's not going to hit until peace is made - him dying.
The hardest art is realizing you have to step away from yourself to make it better. Some times the harder road is the best one travelled. I say take it. He may end up disappointing you again, but you'll have made important steps to correcting what's inside you since you were 5.
Good luck. I wish you and your dad well.
- CALLES0
allison says it for me... on the :56 second
- WrappedInBooks0
This episode of Louie might make things better. It deals with moms...but the situation (maybe tangentially) seems similar.
- i_monk0
Get a new dad. Check your local leather bar.
- _salisae_0
Make the choice to exclude him from your life and focus on developing relations that are loving, trusting and mutually respecting. It's damaging to your mental as well as physical health to be left with no choice but to accept such treatment. When he has some time away, maybe 2-3 years from now, see if he's able to try a little harder. If not, you've developed other relationships that are more meaningful and won't be in such a vulnerable position and can then decide whether you want to try with him or not. But he needs to understand it's not up to his whim whether he treats you well or not.
- dMullins0
I've got about 6 hours before I wake up from this nap and can crack beers and drown my sorrows properly. :P Because, on a much more positive note, I've just started working freelance full-time this past week. Got my first bread and butter client—my old agency.
Now I can get shit-faced at "work" all day, as I've always wanted. LOL.
- tOki0
Yes happy friday wherever yall are! I'm opening my first beers now :)
- utopian0
Keep your chin up dMullins, enjoy the weekend my friend!
- dMullins0
Thanks tOki, I really appreciate you telling us all of that, it means a lot.
- tOki0
Man I've got a very similar situation with my father, feel you there.
I've completely cut him off. At times I wish I could call him, go get a beer and watch a game. But then I remember all the times he's done wrong by my family or I and I realise there is good reason.
My parents split whilst I was overseas when I was 18. It screwed up my life for a year or two afterwards. I was virtually made homeless and told that university was no longer an option. 6 years later and he still can reduce my younger sister to a mess, and insults the memory of his own brother who commited suicide. The whole time I'm being told I'm a gutless runt and that it's obviously from my bitch mothers side of the family. He's sick in the head and I have no remorse. People like this get given so chances and always throw them away. My sisters are a testament to this and continually suffer for their efforts. I wish they could walk away like I have.
Do what you feel is right, but don't fall into a pattern of disappointment, hurt or lies. Again I don't know your father so I can't say what is right. Live your life, take care of the people around you and find happiness for yourself.
I could go on for hours lol
- locustsloth0
If you cut ties, realize that it's only for your mental health and nothing else. It won't teach him a lesson. It won't bring him closer. And you'll likely regret it once he's gone.
A better strategy is to just accept that that's how and who he is, but stay open to the possibility of him coming around at some time.
It happened with my brother- and sister-in-law. My wife's dad was out of the picture for her brother's teen and early 20 yrs. And he really was resentful of that. But now he's back and making an effort (i know he calls here at least once a week) and the brother has forgiven him and accepted him back into his life.
It's like if your hand falls asleep, like you've been laying on it for hours. you can't feel it, which is frustrating. You can barely sense it's presence. You could cut it off and get rid of the problem. Or have faith that the feeling will come back.And no, i'm not suggesting you have your dad give you a "Stranger" in order to bond
- ukit0
Just to offer a different perspective. My dad travelled a lot during my childhood and I didn't get to spend much time with him. That led to periods in my life where I felt alienated like some of you have expressed here.
He passed away abruptly just a few years ago, he was only 55. I can now see that any complaints I might have had earlier were incredibly short sighted. Fortunately, I did realize this midway through my 20s and we spent some great times together...but it still wasn't enough time.
Bottom line: whatever your differences may be, you should try to work them out. None of us are going to around forever.
- I hear you. I think about this often. I've tried man. I don't know what else I can do.dMullins
- dMullins0
Sorry guys, I didn't mean that I would actually call him an asshole. Although, that is exactly how I feel about him more often than not.
@locust: That's already transpired. It didn't accomplish much other than him basically ignoring it and us not talking for several years thereafter.
I think I just need to cut ties with him entirely. It's a tough thing to do, but I've done it before.