Parental issues again
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- grunttt0
2 options:
"Jaline, where in the world have you been???"
"Toronto, I told you a couple of months ago."
#2
"I've been offered initiation into the Hell's Angels. A dozen of them are coming over this weekend to have sex with me in the living room.... Or I could go to Toronto with my friends."
parents are like 2 year olds. they do better when they have choices.
...but seriously, I have a huge, bitter, pet peeve, about overprotective parents (no mine were not overprotective). it simply doesn't work and is small minded... I'll stop know before I get all pissy.
good luck.
- chossy0
It's tough jaline I'm sorry for the way you feel, obviously your parents are just trying to be careful as they love you so much but your 19 for christ sake, I'd say it was time to move out matey...... do you like Edinburgh?.
- Mimio0
I wouldn't last long under my parents authority even as a 17 year old. If they're trying to validate their authority with irrational fears or financial control it's all the more reason to respectfully strike out on your own.
- exador10
Hey there Jaline..
my wife had much the same problem from her parents when we started dating..she's east indian..(not sure if you are or not)anyhow, same idea...
my wife: 'i think i'll go to toronto for the evening on a date with tyson'
her parents: 'oooh...uh..toronto?..it's getting late sweetie..too dark now...maybe it's best if you just stay home'...______________
used to drive me nuts...
and like you she was around 20 at the time..
hell..i had more freedom at the age of 15 than she did at 20...thats crazy...however...her brother, he had no such problems..
he came and went as he pleased...now i know there's a cultural difference between how boys and girls are treated, especially in an east indian home...but in this case they had exactly the same rules to live by...both my wife and her brother...
the difference was, he knew it was easier to ask forgiveness than ask permission...
that, and he understood that the idea of 'asking permission' after you yourself are an adult is more than just a little insane...
thats like asking your immediate boss at work if you can go to the washroom now...
what the fuck..your an adult...
go do your thing dude...same goes for you Jaline..
you're an adult..
sure, you live under thier roof, so you're subject to some rules..but as for traveling etc?
uh...no..just go.
leave a note behind so they don't worry..:)
cheers
ex
- Rand0
when did your daughter move out rand?
Seff
(Sep 27 06, 18:36)she still lives here, and we all still like it that way
- joyride0
it's easy to say just go, or just move out. But, it's her family and she doesn't want to hurt em' just wants them to understand. My last GF had some very controlling parents. At 26, they gave her shit for driving at night, driving in the rain, etc. Basically, they wouldn't let her go. She tried to talk with them and they just ignored her, similiar to jalines situation. At some point you need to get them to listen. Just going is probably bad... you still live there. One question for them will be how old you have to be for them to let you go?
- CALLES0
did your mom get the hint when you didn't want her to read you a bedtime story?
- nocomply0
Sorry wish I had some good advice cuz i know exactly how you feel. Fortunately i moved out when i turned 18 and started college and didn't have this problem too much. Why don't you threaten them with moving out? Tell them they are suffocating your lifestyle or osmething...i don't know.
Try that or compare this situation to something that your friends you "don't hang out with anymore" have done and how you are so much more responsible than that.
- ornj0
I don't understand why you give a damn. You're 20 years old, in your third year of university, why the hell are you asking your parents if you can go hang with your buddies?
Just go. Tell them about it later. At this point in life I assume that the only thing they can hold over you is that they are the source of most of your finances, reason you can even go to university, etc.
you live in Canada, the legal drinking age is 18, go have some fun.
- designerror0
sounds like you need to move out.
studderine
(Sep 27 06, 18:24)
- enjine0
ummm don't kids just "do it anyway" anymore?
fucking go to toronto if you want to. it's only a day...
- honest0
i feel your pain. I'm 29 and still have them swarming all over me and my flat especially. My wife is now their surrogate daughter! I guess it's difficult to let go sometimes and it's harder for some and easier for others.
There'll be a day when they won't be around anymore. I think it best to be on good terms otherwise there's a lot of regrets to deal witih later on.
- Jaline0
Yeah, but they should realize how Western people do things. Let go of your children, dammit!
Also, I'm almost 20 years old. Jesus, let me out.
Joyride, I think I'd be more reasonable compared to my parents. I would definitely at least discuss the situation with my kids first before judging them or not trusting them.
Ugghh...I'm not sure I can just leave without getting their permission, which means they've conditioned me so much that I have a problem too.
- KuzII0
ah Jaline, It's not about your safety - deep down they're worried your independence might lead you to running off with a white boy or, *gasp, a negro! Bring shame on the family.
Listen up, I know what you're talking about, sub-continentals are all the same.
It might SEEM like they'll disown you, but trust, when push comes to shove, they wont.
I have sisters gone through the same thing, dating outside their race, religion, culture, and they too had this paranoia at being disowned. It was all unfounded, But my psycho mother is very good at the emotional blackmail thing (still love her tho!).
Honestly, they will NEVER disown you, no matter what you do. Tho the idea of shame and honour is made out to be the be all and end all in south-asia - really, its a load of bluster. Most of the time anyway.
Yes there will be drama - but you HAVE to deal with it. You're 20. Assert your independence. Do NOT be worried about beind disowned. That wont happen.
But maybe do worry about your parents crying and going psycho "we have no daughter!" crap - but in the end, thats all just talk and drama. You're mum'll still end up cooking you a big fat curry at the end of it all.
:P
- trevedda0
I'm a parent. They're just doing what you do when you become a parent and what you will do too when you become one. . . they love you and they want to look after you because to them you're still the vulnerable tiny child they've always looked out for (in their way).
Give them a break - they've never been parents before and they don't neccsarily know what to do. I make crap decisions and I make good ones about my children I just try to make fewer crap ones.
- Abandoned0
Chinese?
- mayo0
Puts life all in perspective now, kj :P HAhaha
- joyride0
They just want to keep you safe... that's it. Their don't want to let you go, you're their little girl. They've seen the world and don't want you to experience it knocking you on your ass. Put yourself in their shoes, you would do the same thing i bet. But at some point they need to let you learn to be who your going to be. And only experiencing life will give that to you... The key is focus on all the safe stuff to rest their minds. Call them every hour during travel, and every night to let them know your ok. And if all else fails... run away
- kingjulien0
All right, let me try this again. Jaline, it could be worse. At least you're not dating this guy: