"Tag Along"
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- PonyBoy
so - I went to Coachella w/my buddy and his girlfriend about 3 weeks ago.
Great time... except for the fact that i was the proverbial 'third wheel'.
I consider the two of them my really close friends. We were always tight - the three of hanging out alot etc. Now the two of them have grown so close (living together - buying pets together etc) that they've reached that point where they're not 'as fun' as they were when we all used to just 'hang out'.
Now they do their little domestic duties together - walk the dogs together - have their little 'family schedule' of shit to do... blah blah blah (you all know how it goes when your buddies fall in love and drift away).
I'm just really bummed out though - cuz I consider the two of them to be my really close friends - but they're now keeping their distance from me more and more. They used to love to go out and goof off - basically the way things were before the girl came in the picture.
Now - I'm pretty much am in the way. The things I like and say and do are now 'immature' or 'not cool' because my buddy is now conforming to what is 'cool' in the heart of his girl.
So - basically... my close friendship is near GONE and I barely talk or speak w/the dude anymore (unless he needs something from me - we don't just hang out to 'hang out' anymore)...
... and after the Coachella trip - I feel like I'm a total asshole in their eyes. I thought I was going to a festival w/two of my best friends - instead I felt like I was being allowed to 'tag along' and being put on their schedule of when we would eat, drink, sleep, piss, shit and smoke the fun stuff (they held the contraband until they decided it was time for a treat - just like your parents used to make you wait for desert)...
... bah! anyway... I confronted the guy on it... and basically all I got was an unseen brickwall jammed in my face. I'm either wrong or immature.
I'm bummed cuz my best boy is now just another 'buddy'.
*sigh
- nick0
*gives ponyboy a big hug
- mrdobolina0
that sucks dude, but it is all a apart of growing up.
- brandelec0
people change, but i hope the loyalty doesn't fade too much
- rasko40
things drift apart. this is the way of the universe.
sad but true
- PonyBoy0
ha... seen that dopepope... and I follow you. ;)... not sure I'd go the slightly 'gay' route though.
- kbags0
in my experience, one of three things will most likely happen:
1- the honeymoon fades and you get your old buddy back more, but maybe not the girl so much
2- they break up and you're the pivot man so you have to choose
3- you eventually get your own gf and then you all hang out--or don't
- robotron3k0
i HATE it when people bogart the stash.
and it sounds like the couple turned into a 4-eyed monster...
- fr0st0
i feel ya ponyboy...untill you get a girl of your own and you can set up a double date with them, it's always going to be awkward hanging out with them. Although, if you were REALLY close as you say it then ya'll shouldn't have changed in the first place.
A time and place for everything, they should be able to revert back to being buddies when your around just so you won't feel awkward
- PonyBoy0
thanks for the love all... I don't feel so alone in this situation anymore. :)
I shouldn't feel like a tool or like I'm in the way.. right? If they don't want me around much - it's their problem then... right?
*tear
- k770
suck it up and be a man.
- grafholic0
i can relate to you - my best friend from college got married and got a kid now, moved to a burb to raise the kid.
at first, it seemed that we were growing apart - she was busy with her family and raising the kid, i was busy socializing with folks in the city. the stuff she tells me i can't relate to ("oh my husband made a chair the other day" or "my kid said mommy the other day!") and things i tell her is sort of immature to her ("i got sooo wasted last weekend, i'm still hurt").
it seemed like it was like that for a year - we spent time apart, only to realize that the current i have is not like her. she's the one who saw me way back when, the one who has seen me grow up, and she realized that i'm the same way to her.
our life's still different: she's still the wife and the mom (and now a working mom), i'm the single city dweller who never learns a lesson from hangover. but we still have stuff in common which made us friends in the first place. we don't go out at night any more but have lunch together every now and then to catch up.
often our priorities change in our lives and what once used to be so important becomes not so important for a while. but then, one day in the future, you two will realize the valuable things you shared, and will overcome somehow. yeah you might not party with him like you used to, but will find a way to continue to stay friends.
- uberdesigner0
get new friends
- uberdesigner0
also, go gay
- brandelec0
i turned into 'that' guy when i was seeing someone, i felt like an asshole to my friends for the longest time
now i make up for it by buying drinks
- PonyBoy0
I dunno - I realize when I'm being stand-off-ish or anti-social... but what's really frustrating is that my friend doesn't see much of 'the change' he's going through (which really isn't my place to point out to him - but his stand-off-ish-ness got to the point where I thought I should say something... which of course didn't go over well).
Eh - I'm just bummed out - losing a buddy to maturity SUCKS!
- mogwai0
i would strongly suggest sabotage.
here are some ideas.
1: sneak a pack of cigs (off brand) and some condoms into her glove box (or tucked away in her car). he will find them surely.
2: send flowers from 'secret admirer'
3: have male friends of yours leave messages on their machine for her"i wont be able to make lunch tomorrow, how bout a rain check"
Of course she will deny these occurences, and he will be forced to believe her, but the idea here is to break his spirit and trust, which will weaken the relationship, and eventualy dissolve it.
- spendogg0
Dude, totally need to have another chat with your friend. That shit happend to me on a certain level - i was the guy with the girl. I have been married for 6 years and ... here it comes.
That dude needs to establish with his girl now that there needs to be manditory boy time. Cuz if he doesn't and gets married and down the road wants boy time - it will be so much harder to retrain the relationship to accomodate his needs. You will be doing him and you a big favor by making him realize that.
- ricstultz0
See, Im in the opposite situation. my single friend call me every frickin night because they are lonely. Tryin to give me this hard luck case about me never being around anymore. Its kinda pathetic... the more they try to hold on the more I'm like.. yo man, get a girl or a dog or a hobby or somethin.
I suggest you call your friend and just ask him to hang... just the two of you sometime. Dont be clingy tho... nobody like a clingy friend.
imo.
- PonyBoy0
it's not a clingy situation, ric - it's pretty much just out of the blue that I'm sort of not his close friend anymore... I was never clingy (although he kind of was when his other girl dropped him on his ass about 2 years ago :) )