Torn Heart
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- Bio0
"national news today,
tradgedy strikes as Torn Heart lead guitarist Bio was playing an innocent game of 'step on the midget'. when his stilt accidentally stepped on the midget. "
Bio - "i dont know what happened. i wasnt really trying to hurt anyone, but she just got under my stilt somehow when i was trying to play ste... er... 'walk over the midget'. she was... so small... i ... i ..."
- thecrab0
this is where my psychiatric background comes in handy!
- mayo0
**News Flash**
Speculations as to the "real" death of Mayo the Midget grow as the nation mourns.
- monkeyshine0
"can't I be the shared groupie for all the female members? "
of course! but how long can that last? everyone in the band will inevitably sleep with everyone else...thats why we will break up as a band and have a reunion gig when we're 60
- BonSeff0
breaking news:
keyboardist bonseff leaves Torn Heart citing depression due to dead midget
- BonSeff0
errr little person
respect
RIP
- abizzyman0
** FIVE MONTHS LATER **
**Torn Heart Midget Alive - Scandal Unveiled**
- mitsu0
in other news mitsu, takes time away from band and goes to disney world.
- mayo0
:O
- Bio0
we hear reports that the alleged death of the nations most loved midget was indeed faked!
she has been spotted in a cave near Reno, Nevada in a cave known to be a hangout of national celebrity "batboy"
- thecrab0
fine with me, Monkeyshine
as long as I get my piece of the pie
damn I sound like a male chauvinist pig
that Bio has way too much influence on me
- Mal0
- mayo0
"No comment at this time. Soon you will all know of the dark secrets within Torn Heart that led me to my actions."
-Official Statement
- Bio0
Torn Heart lead guitarist and male chauvinist pig discovered in Alien and Cow porno scandal.
we see dark times ahed for this hair metal band, what with the surfacing rumors of mayo's return to the group and mitsu's upcoming trip to disney land...
- monkeyshine0
NEWSFLASH:
Torn Heart drummer, Anesthesia, Chokes on Someone Else's Vomit
On 7 March 2002, the Saskatoon StarPhoenix in Saskatchewan, Canada, citing witnesses inside the Pine Grove Correctional Centre, reported that Anesthasia, formerly of the Hair Metal band, Torn Heart, so desperately craved methadone that she consumed the fresh vomit of fellow inmates currently on methadone treatment. Said a source, "Ever since her long-time, on-again, off again lover Crab slept with Bio, she was just never the same."
- BonSeff0
Torn Heart sued in cleveland when dangling, caged-firebreathing dancer falls 20 feet on audience and severely burns 5 skank groupies
- Bio0
Further legal action is being taken against the group after keyboardist/mascot BonSef was discovered with the presidents daughter.
details are being withheld from the media at this time, but an inside source tells us that there were clowns and prison inmates involved. this has been compared to the alleged "sushi incident" of 2003.5
dark days indeed.
- Bio0
ah man. we've created the greatest band in the fucking WORLD.
no one can stand against us!
i think that this ... THIS ... is a saga worthy of remembrance.
- mayo0
*bows head in reverence*
*cops another feel off of 'bizzy*
- seas_of_rhye0
you all are fuckin' hilarious...
when dose the presale start for reunion concert tickets?