Dirty Jokes
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- hellogoodbye
I need some good short ones....List ur favs.
- ********0
Why was the baby strawberry crying?
Because his mother was in a jam.
- hellogoodbye0
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
- That is dirty. Grass is filled with dirt and insects.********
- "But what about the behhbee"...http://so...Eighty
- Self fail
http://tinyurl.com/3…Eighty - now THATs a dirty joketwokids
- That is dirty. Grass is filled with dirt and insects.
- its_only_me0
Whats black and blue and doesnt like sex?
The little boy in the trunk of my car.
- Douglas0
What's brown and rhymes with snoop?
Dr.Dre
- lol... *stores in brain*********
- I just near pissed my pants!!!!Harley_Quinn
- not dirty though is it...
rupedixon
- lol... *stores in brain*
- moogchild0
How do you get a nun pregnant.................
fuck her.
- this stuff makes me laugh.********
- dress her up as an altar boy.********
- this stuff makes me laugh.
- thatblokemike0
A 5 year old kid asks grandma "what's that thing called when 2 people sleep on top of each other".
Grandma decides if he's old enough to ask, he's old enough to know and explains "It's called sexual intercourse my dear, now run along and play".
The kid soon returns home looking upset and says "Grandma you lied. It's not called sexual intercourse, it's called bunkbeds and my friend tommy's mummy wants to have a word with you".
- Sep0
- kona0
A cowboy was taken prisoner by a bunch of Indians. The Indians were all prepared to kill him when the chief announced that due to the celebration of the Great Spirit, they would grant the cowboy three wishes before he would die. "What do you want for your first wish?" asks the chief.
"I wanna talk to mah horse!" says the cowboy. He goes over to his horse and whispers in its ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed. About an hour later, the horse comes back with a naked lady on its back. Well, the Indians are very impressed, so they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. A little while later, the cowboy stumbles out of the teepee, tucking in his shirt. "What do you want for your second wish?" says the chief.
"I wanna talk to mah horse!" says the cowboy. Again, the cowboy whispers in the horses ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed. About an hour later, the horse comes back with another naked lady on its back. Well, the Indians are very impressed indeed. So, once again, they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. The cowboy stumbles out a little while later, and the chief asks the cowboy "What do you want for your last wish?"
"I wanna talk to mah horse!" says the cowboy. He grabs the horse by the ears and yells,
"You stupid animal, I said POSSE, POSSE!!!!"
- ghandolf0
A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotch less panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband. At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs . . . enough times till her husband says...
"Are you wearing crotch less panties?""Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile.
"Thank God for that. . . I thought you were sitting on the cat.
Services will be held Saturday, 2pm, Baxter Funeral Home
- fooler20
what's the difference between jelly and jam?
I can't jelly my cock into your ass!
- ghandolf0
My neighbor found out that her dog could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. So he cleaned both of the dog's ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the drug store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.
The lady went to the drugstore, and bought the ''Nair" hair remover.
At the register, the druggist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."The lady said, "I'm not using it under my arms."
The druggist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't shave for a couple of days."
The lady replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either."
"But if you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer."The druggist said, "Stay off bicycles for about a week!"
- cannonball19780
Whats hard, about as long as your forearm, has a purple head and makes a woman scream all night long?
crib death
- elahon0
What’s the difference between a French woman
and a basketball team?The basketball team showers after four periods.
- elahon0
Little Johnny's next door neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby.
Little Johnny's parents were very afraid their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby. So, Little Johnny's dad had a long talk with Little Johnny before going to the neighbours. He said, "Now, son...that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behaviour and not say one word about his ears, or I'm really going to spank your butt when we get back home." I promise not to mention his ears at all," said Little Johnny.
At the neighbour's home, Little Johnny leaned over the crib and touched the baby's hand. He looked at it's mother and said, "Oh, what a beautiful little baby!" The mother, who had braced herself for Johnny's comment, was pleasantly surprised and said, "Thank you very much, Little Johnny." He then said," This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why, just look at his pretty little eyes! Did his doctor say he can see good?" The mother a bit bewildered, hesitantly replies "Why, yes... his doctor said he has 20/20 vision, why do you ask?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, it's a good thing, cause he'd be fucked if he needed to wear glasses"
- meffid0
Why do women get pap smears?
Cause they wouldn't get them if they were called 'cunt scrapes'
- Continuity0
Did you hear Michael Jackson died of food poisoning? They say he ate a twelve-year-old wiener.*
*Probably timeline, but it was only told to me today.
- bliznutty0
What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
gang rape
- elahon0
Why do women have legs?
Have you seen the mess snails make?
- elahon0
What's green and smells like pork?
Kermit's index finger.