I'm so bad at sex
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- CGN0
zzzz
- Jnr_Madison0
"I looked down and realized she just took a shit. I literally boned the shit out of her. It was gross. She got shit all over the closet, on me, on her, everywhere. I was so drunk that I didn't care. I just laughed, said "shit happens" and walked back to my friends house naked and covered in shit. I am so bad at sex!"
- sounds made upMeeklo
- yep.Jnr_Madison
- totally, apparently bad a story telling too...CGN
- Cheer up Jnr.canuck
- that wasn't even good for a shit story (or a sex story) or a shitty sex story or a sexy shit story.CyBrain
- scarabin0
heh
"Yesterday I realized that it has been over a month since I had any form of sexual activity. Due to finals and hard-core studying I didn’t even care to masturbate for about a week. When I got home I decided to call “an old friend” to help me relieve some stress. My parents were out for dinner so we chilled in the TV-room. Soon enough we started hooking up and after a few minutes she began going down on me. The girl was an absolute pro, just like I remembered her. Teasing me, she begged me not to finish as she really wanted to please me. After a good twenty minutes I couldn’t hold it any longer, remember it has been a week. As I was about the finish the door opened, I flipped the girl over the couch and grabbed a pillow to cover my erection, but it was too late. As my mom walked in, standing right in front of us, I experienced one of the strongest orgasms, blowing my load straight into the pillow. Luckily my mom didn’t seem to notice, she appeared to be looking for something. Then she grabs the pillow I was holding and leaves the room. A few seconds later, I hear a loud scream from the living room. The pillow was in fact a gift my mom had specially made for my grandma’s birthday, and yes it had her picture on the back. I came all over my grandma’s face. I’m so bad at sex."
- uberdesigner0
lame fake stories
- scarabin0
ha ha wtf
"I went to a party over the weekend and got a ride home from this dude because I was hammered. We had a few more drinks at my place, started making out, and after a bit, he tried to take off my pants. I explained to him that I'm on my period, so no sex. After some complaining on his part, he finally got me to try anal, mostly because I was so drunk. He eases himself in and starts going at it. It is surprisingly good, but I feel rumbles of diarrhea down south. I tell him to stop, but instead he finishes really quickly, breaking the condom just as I released my bowels. The force was so great that it was propelled into and up his urethra and into his bladder. I filled a man's bladder with liquid poo. It gave him a horrendous infection. The bladder comes out tomorrow. I'm so bad at sex."
- scarabin0
i don't know people can even make this stuff up; you'd have to be a full-time copywriter to do all these
- boobs0
It's called "cut and paste."
- morilla0
- Haha, got yerself a shiny black image there. "____ is not amused" will be the new QBN meme.harlequino
- scarabin0
ugh.
"I was at the girlfriend's house after school and her siblings were home. Regardless, we decided we'd be able to sneak a quicky in. We skipped the foreplay and when I ventured down to no man's land, I discovered unspeakable things. Although disgusted, I did my best to get past it and keep going. After a while of going at it, I realized I was too turned off to even finish and I started to go limp. I asked her if she would finish me off with her mouth, so she did. After we were done, I noticed a brown patch where I had been sitting on her bed. Maybe I need to wipe better. I'm so bad at sex"
- CGN0
I was at the beach and...
- drgss0
Trying to see a pattern, if poo is involved = bad sex
