House Abuse
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- 79 Responses
- mrdobolina0
write cryptic messages on the toilet paper rolls deep inside and then roll it back up.
- mg330
Steal a lion from the zoo and put it in the house.
- ninjasavant0
did you ever see the scott tenerman must die episode of south park?
- Is that the one where he shoots his own parents, or something? Bit extreme, no?
;)detritus
- Is that the one where he shoots his own parents, or something? Bit extreme, no?
- mg330
He lives with a girl, right?
I'd get some sketchy nudey mags and hide them somewhere where she's bound to find them eventually.
- Llyod0
torture him with silent sound brainwaves
- detritus0
So far I've got the following likely candidates...
- Swap food labels (add in cat food or those stinky Arabic beans?)
- Jars of gruesome body parts (what does the butcher sell?), left in labelled jars at back of fridge.
- Carelessly 'forgotten' dildoes, with fake body fluids and 'scens of distress', possibly involving kittens/hookers/kittens & hookers
- Glue stuff.. to stuff
- Check for answering machine, change to something to do with Gay Sex help (Get J's Dad's number, leave missed call?)
- Steal, then bolt estate Agency SOLD sign to outside
- pubes: in food, in fridge, by pillow. lots.
- Fill something openable with lots of skittles (/smarties, shatter easier?)
- Swap framed photos and paintings for crass animal porn/shrines to me
- Grow up
- Do something nice, asshole
- Add really horrific room scents to all light blubs in house
- Swap toileries for mayoI think I'm going to need more than 15 mnutes
- read my mentos prank post. so easy, so epic. it goes berserk all over the kitchen.mg33
- mrdobolina0
setup hidden surveillance cameras
- mg330
Have a security system installed so when he gets home he gets arrested when he doesn't know the code. explain that to the cops:
"BUT I LIVE HERE!!!!!"
- Spookytim0
Buy lots and lots of reels of fishing line. Must be about a quid a roll and theyre as long as fuck. Ten should do it. Starting at the back of the room, tie and end to something, wind it round a chair leg, behind a book case, under a table, roun the back of a picture on the wall, on and on, starting some of the other rolls as you go. Just web up the whole room, entangling every object into the mishmash. Reach the front door, have a heavy item of furniture as your pulley, go round the pulley object and tie off at the living room door.
Then close the door and stick a note on it explaining the principles of Schrodinger's Cat, alluding to the possible worlds that exist (Ordered, just as he left it, and chaotic, as though ransacked by a lunatic) before he opens the door and looks inside.
Make sure you point out that the future is in his hands and he needs to take full responsibility for his actions.
Actually, if the note was well written, you could dispense with the fishing line and just have him standing there trying to figure it out.
- cashface0
Put everything upsidedown.
- mg330
Rent a helium tank and buy thousands of balloons, spend the weekend blowing them up and filling every space of the house with balloons.
On the front door, tape a single sewing needle with a small message that says "you might need this."
- detritus0
Actually, crossing Spooky's and doesnotexist's ideas, I could do nothing bad at all, in fact tidying up and leaving a present... but somehow hinting at the possibility of great darkness ahead. My god, that's a gift that could keep on giving for months! So many sleepless nights and and so much time wasted, checking his cupboards... brilliant.
- mg330
Rent a young, non-english speaking child and have him be asleep on the couch naked when your friend gets home.
- Spookytim0
Actually, I reckon the maximum weirdness could be obtained by a simple trip to the local charity shop to buy about twenty utterly unfamiliar but not obvious objects which are discretely placed about the house. Could be 12 months before the oddness is finally at an end.
- Milan0
Vacuum his living room!
- mg330
Or, let about a dozen or so senior citizens have a swingers party there and have him arrive home when they are in the thick of sweaty, wrinkly debauchery.
- detritus0
Thank you all, except one, for your answers.
I'll dwell on this further over the next two days - Thursday's the day!
x
- i know i know. the pastry bit was going too far. i'll see myself out7point34
- what they don't have a cat?neue75_bold
- haha, they don't, no, neue.
Never stopped me beforehand though.
*fingers dead cat*detritus