Funerals
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- soda0
No worries Bluejam, sorry again I didn't let you know sooner. :(
Cheers chossy, I think I've got what I want to say sorted just need to build up the strength to do it. It's exhausting.
It will be just off of carnaby street James, I'll let you know when I get it confirmed. Don't really want to say too much before I get the letter.
- 23kon0
soda
sorry to hear about you losing a friend of many years.from the conversation in this thread you've already got some material to say.
part of what you say could be explaining that you asked a bunch of friends what you should say and someone suggested reading a poem and you said that your mate wouldve ripped the piss out of you for reading a poem at his funeral.
its not as crass as trying to get a joke into there (as not everyone will appreciate a joke) but the people that will have known him on the same level that you did will find it funny.
hope it goes well
- xenicon0
My father's had a lectern and a microphone which was positioned some distance from my mouth. I had no idea that half the room couldn't hear a word. Once I got started, I just rolled with the ocean swells, saying what I had to say.
A eulogy matters and doesn't matter. Its death I don't recommend. Every hour wounds, the last kills.
- TheBlueOne0
Sorry to hear about a funeral.
I spoke at my pop's funeral. Wasn't easy. Be funny, be touching. Focus on one or two personal things, make it a narrative. Write it down. Keep it short.
- Point50
I really don't attend funerals;l I truly avoid them by any means.
However, I did attend a funeral for my buddy's mom early last year. I hadn't even seen the guy or his family for about 9 years, and I got this phone call out of the blue about his mom passing. I went, and I cried. But I tell you what, his older brother got up and did the eulogy and it was the funniest/most sincere thing I have ever heard anyone say about another human being at the same time. It really was good and basically wrapped everything up on a good note.
- pski0
tips:
no kipling quotes
Start with a joke (really).
write it out - its ok to have notes. and spell & write phonetically - it helps.
no poems
don't say "I knew him"- it sounds like "even some of my best friends are ____ ". nobody knows anybody. try to describe what this person and this loss means to you.
ps. I was at a memorial (with the family in attendance) where "a good friend" got up at talked about how the deceased was Italian - he was Irish.
(I have this on file, 300+ in attendance)
This is what I said:
++++++
I'd personally like to thank everyone for coming. George told me that
if this affair wasn't standing room only that we should postpone
it. He didn't want to play to a half empty house.
(big pause)
When George first got sick
I kept trying to get some kind of understanding.
I came up empty.
(big pause)
Some one once said OF Lincoln's gettys
burg address -
which was a speech given at a memorial service of sorts -
that instead of getting up there and giving the "Four Score
and twenty years ago" spiel -
he should have just got up to the podium -
not said anything and just shook his fist
@ the sky.
(big pause)
I invited George to a small Christmas party we were having in Hoboken.
Their where not many people there.
I had a real hard time trying to buy presents for the friends I invited.
George came in a little late.
He had a large brown paper bag with him.
I was surprised -
I didn't tell him to bring anything.
At that time I knew him for about a year.
He knew the other people there for even less time than that.
He dug into the bag and pulled out presents for everyone there.
And they were great gifts, quirky funny and perfect gifts.
(big pause)
I came to know
later that George,
was a natural when it came to giving
(big pause)
I was born in Jersey City.
All my family is from Jersey City.
I did not grow up there.
But I would visit Jersey City twice a week -
everyweek, all my life.
I would think about living there -
hanging out with all my cousins who lived there.
When my life came full circle and I moved back to Hudson County
and I start palling around with George - I had the thought that
if I did grow up in Jersey City
and
I was real lucky -
he would have been one of my buddies.And as I got to know him
he started to fill in the gaps of the whole Jersey City experience for
me. And turns out he was a friend of my cousins.I was real lucky.
Thank you for listening.
++++++
- xenicon0
heartfelt
- grunttt0
sorry to hear the news soda. you must have been a dear friend to have been asked to speak at his funeral. i can't give you any advice that has not already been mentioned above, i just wish you strength. take care.
- Rand0
I did it at my dad's memorial. my technique was, read from page until overcome with emotion, stop, wait until I could speak again, start again, until finally, a long time later, I was done. Some asshole watching the ordeal commented, "why did they make him do this?"
- DogsBreath0
I lost my Mum a couple of years back...I ended up doing the eulogy as my 2 older brothers are pussies!
Anyway, it was one of the best things I have ever done. If you think of it as a tribute rather than an obligation or opportunity to get nervous, you'll be right.
Just tell some nice stories rather than waffle on...one of the best funeral speeches I have ever heard was freom a very uneducated bloke who was talking about his uncle, who incidently was a Priest. He just told some anecdotes that were close to his heart and which illustrated the love he had for that person...
As long as it's from the heart, you'll be fine.
- blackspade0
i just had too last saturday actually, for my Nana. Also played a cat stevens song on the guitar for her, was pretty nerve racking
but i think the speaking is harder, take some deep breaths b4hand!
- soda0
Rand, I really feel for you there lad. Can't imagine what that would be like.
- bulletfactory0
I played guitar at a funeral - got through it fine, but it was a bit uncomfortable at first.
- Rand0
thanks, soda, but it really was a great experience, despite its painfulness
my best to you
- emecks0
aww christ soda.
Sorry man.
got pissed with my uncle on Saturday who is terminal with lung and liver cancer.
I am dreading the funeral already.
- paraselene0
well done, soda. you'll be grateful that you did this in future, i'm sure. and his family and other mates are no doubt really pleased that you had the courage to get up and speak.
- grunttt0
well done soda.
- soda0
thanks people, it helped that his family really seemed to appreciate it. MX, I'm sorry fella. That's really harsh. Just help him make the most of what's left, do what you can with him and tell him all the things you want to get said.
I remember Dennis Poter talking in his last interview about how beautiful life is when you know it is ending. That really stuck with me.
- emecks0
It's true soda. I held my mum's hand as she died, everything was said already and it was the single most spiritual event in my life.
It still seems really unfair for someone to know months in advance and have to go through all the ill health first, even if it does make it easier on the survivors.
- Jaline0
Sorry for your loss, and just take it in a bit at a time. As most have already mentioned, everyone else in the room is probably feeling similar to the way you will be. Definitely celebrate it rather than just viewing the life as a loss.
Thankfully, I haven't had to do that yet. I would probably be the strongest on the outside out of my family, but in shambles on the inside.