Go see Apocalypto!
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- Rand0
"Like his other movies, Mel Gibson's Apocalypto is a snuff film with artistic pretensions-- a vulgar amalgam of graphic violence, cheap symbolism, absurd subtitled dialogue (I AM BLACK PANTHER!), and ambitious set designs. The whole thing is hilarious, but here are the funniest moments:
Baby shooting out of a vagina underwater during torrential rainstorm, on the eve of European conquest.
Death Porn sound effects such as gratuitous squelching of blood-- especially hilarious when hero's father gets his throat slit and stands bleeding all over the sacred soil in the primeval forest of man's innocence or whatever.
Monkey motif: random shot of angry monkeys early in film. later, monkey fighting sequence that culminates with one falling into the cavern where hero's pregnant wife (aka rainwater vagina) is hiding. after she clubs the poor bugger to death, the scene abruptly ends, leaving us to wonder... did she eat him? make him into a tiny suit for her unborn child?
Slow motion running sequence (as hero is chased by hungry panther)-- imagine Baywatch without titties.
Evil man getting face eaten off by same panther (see also: Death Porn sound effects).
Scene featuring Hogan's Heroes zig-zag run.
Scene in which hero leaps over 50 foot waterfall and his enemies do the same. Close-up of someone unfortunate fool's head smashing against a rock underwater. LOL. (see also: Death Porn sound effects)
In short: way better than Crash and Love Actually, but not as good as Snakes on a Plane or Monkey Shines.
P.S. I don't know why everyone has such a hard-on for the supposedly "stunning" cinematography in this film. I will concede that the scenes in the Mayan capital of decadence are quite impressive, but most of the movie is filmed like an episode of Xena."
- son1
i never go to the movies...nor buy music..
this movie was Great
- blackspade0
nice review rand, where'd that come from?
I have to agree with most of his crit.
Esp loved the old mans story around the campfire, about man and his insatiable greed
- Nairn0
'In short: way better than Crash and Love Actually, but not as good as Snakes on a Plane or Monkey Shines.' lol, beautiful, Rand.
Baically, it was a gory, verdant Lethal Weapon-style action flick, through which I spent most of my time wincing or looking away from the screen, but I must admit to quite enjoying it.
It's the first time I've heard a cinema audience clap in the UK. Amusingly, it was typically stifled and stunted - quite a few people started, then very quickly realised they were in public, stammered, then withdrew meekly into the shadows.
- kelpie0
It's the first time I've heard a cinema audience clap in the UK. Amusingly, it was typically stifled and stunted - quite a few people started, then very quickly realised they were in public, stammered, then withdrew meekly into the shadows.
Nairn
(Jan 19 07, 03:55)strangely enough I have only ever been in a cinema audience twice and heard clapping, the first one was in Prince of Thieves (mm hmm) when Sir Sean enters frame as King Richard (huuuuge whoops of glee, but irelevant to this chat) and the second was Braveheart (or "Team Scotland, Fuck Yeah" as it should be known), I see this as significant. (and by the way, he directs action better than most)
God Bless Mel and all who sail in him.
I must see this film.
- Nairn0
lol, you saw those two movies in Scotland, I take it, Kelpie?
Typical - they sit mute throughout the entirety of Costner's state of the art historical blockbuster, then whoop and clap at Connery's minor cameo as an English King? I can practically hear the murmured "Right up yie's, ya Sassenach bastards!"
I watched "Team Scotland, Fuck Yeah" in England, and must confess that myself and an Irish girl I was with sported huge "Fuck You, England - Once we were.. well, nearly equal" smiles.
'sPathetic, really.
- kelpie0
yea, for a few short moments, Gibson gave us all back our spirit