hey mayo
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- Seff
tell me a story
and ill tell you one
- mayo0
oooh! ijust saw this. Okay, hold on. let me find it...
- mayo0
When i was in middle school, i had really bad acne on my forehead. I mean really bad. I used everything i could to get rid of it, but it apparently wasn’t going anywhere. One day my mom comes home with a tube that my “uncle”, a dermatologist, sent me. I was so excited, i didn’t even look at the tube. I just ran upstairs, washed my face and read the instructions. “Clean infected area and apply cream liberally.” Easy enough. So i smear a butt-load of that bad boy on my forehead. It burned so badly! I kept it o
- mayo0
true story i swear
- mayo0
oops, saw that the whole thing didn't copy over:
So i smear a butt-load of that bad boy on my forehead. It burned so badly! I kept it on for as long as i could stand it, which turned out to be about a half hour.
A little while later, my dad comes home from work.
dad: What happened to your forehead?
m: Uncle Delphin gave mom some cream to give me for my acne.
dad: you’re forehead is still red, how long ago did you wash it off?
m: about twenty minutes ago.
dad: Let me see the medicine.
m patters off to get the tube. comes back and hands it to him. dad looks at the tube, with his face directed at the tube, he lifts his eyes to look at me...
dad: :|
michelle
:|
(looks back down at tube, then back up at me)
:|
michelle, this is jock itch cream.
- Seff0
i cant afford all 3 condoms
earlier this summer at our old office we worked a block away from a 7-11
Our workmate ryan wants a smoke and something to drink so we take a walk.get in the store and me and rey are just hanging by the door while ryan gets his stuff
then this haggard couple pulls up in an old beat down suburban, and walk strait into the check out line.
lady wants to buy a condom
keep in mind this is like around noon on a tuesday. this lady looks pretty rugged, like a truck stop ho-style with a moderate to full on meth habbit.clerk says we have these condom here - they are 2.99.. he;s an african dude, with a big accent
lady looks at her man, he looks back at her with that 'i aint got 2.99' look
lady asks to just buy 1
clerk says he cant break up the package.they walk out defeated and prolly had gnarly unprotected coitus.
was pretty surreal
- Seff0
hhahahaha!
fuck a pimple!
do what it takes!
- joyride0
lol mayo... i guess your protected from any teabagging
- cosmo0
mayo tell me a story now.
- mayo0
Does jock itch cream really burn like that on your balls?
hold on cosmo, let me see if I have one written up somewhere or if i have to type.
- mayo0
HAhaaa Seff, I don't know if i would have been able to keep a straight face if i was there!
- mayo0
For cosmo
Setting: Nevada City, inside a world market-type store. I motioned my roommate-at-the-time, Miss Joan, over to look at the sarongs that were for sale. We had been kicking around the idea of using some around the apartment to decorate. Her mom walks up to us and asks if they were scarves...
Miss Joan(In a normal speaking voice, so anyone who walked by or was close enough could hear) says, "You could use them as scarves, or to decorate, or to wrap around your bathing suit. They are called sa-, sha-, sra-, sh-, shlongs."
Horrified, i said,"SAR-ONG Joan! You just called it a penis!"
Okay, so a few nights later, my friend Vince, Miss Joan and I were having dinner at a pub. It was the first time Vince has seen Joan since the sarong/shlong story and (of course) felt the need to give her a hard time (ahem, excuse pun please!) about what she had said...
Vince: Okay, okay, I'm Joan,"Sa-sha-sr-sra-shl-DICK!"
- cosmo0
hahahaha...miss joan stories are precious.
- mayo0
yeah, the other one i have saved is a bit too long, i think, to share here.
- cosmo0
i mailed miss mayo.
- mayo0
oh really? after ignoring me the other day? >:P
- cosmo0
The word "Ignore" is not registered in my vocabulary.
- coco_ono0
not jock cream but...
when i was younger, i used to call the doorbell a "ding dong." i'd then tell all my neighborhood friends to ring my "ding dong." the end.
- mayo0
i saw a girl get smacked with a ham and cheese sammich by a boy who didn't like the fact that she made a comment about him obviously liking a particular girl. They were standing face to face and he reached down, grabbed his sammich and then smacked her with it. All she said to that was, "Sheesh." I about died of laughter.