Mail Order
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- tkmeister0
HAHAHA
"My day is going a-ok."
HAHAHAHAHA
- spendogg0
I want to know what happend with the mail order chain-smoking beeeotch.
- digitalswarm0
"9:30 pm- I emerge from work, tired, disheveled, and fin to wild out.
9:45- stop at the scumbag bar next to my job and slug a glass of scotch. Say hello to Captain Jim (an 80-year old whino who claims to have been a pirate in his younger years) and be on me way. Do the last key bump of some new Dominican coke i got in the bathroom.
9:52- Briskly walk down 5th avenue and look for a cab. Good god I need to pee!
9:55- On 23rd and 6th my bladder is about to explode, so I find a nice shadowy doorway and being to release. that's about where my night gets e.p.i.c in the worst way possible.
An undercover 5-0 car pulls up and shines the big beam on me peeing. I zip up quick, warm urine dribbling down my leg, and pretend that I'm lighting a cigarette. My ruse does not work. They run my ID and as it turns out, my fat semetic ass has 3 warrants that are open. Oy vey.
One was for urinating in public and missing my court appearance in 2005.
One was for public nudity outside Madison Square Garden after a Ranger game, i was pissy bent and stumbled around with no pants on screaming something about how i'd bang Jeff Beukebum, no bromo.
The third was for driving with a suspended license and possession of prescription drugs without a prescription in the Hamptons. Wowsers.
They cuff the kid and I go to central bookings. Let me just tell you that cops think I am HILARIOUS. Like my whole look. I'm wearing a seersucker suit, a thick gold rope, and a corsage. I'm so not kidding. This getup combined with my large afro is a constant source of entertainment for these calzone-head cops.
Comments I heard from cops during the 13 hours i was locked up:
"Hey fellas, aren't we lucky to have Art Garfunkle with us tonight?"
"This guy looks like Gallagher on hard drugs" (i'm not kidding)
"what a schmuck"
It was crazy.
Some crackhead puked in my cell, my lawyer is apparently in Boca playing golf (how Jewish is that) so I couldn't reach him, and I slept with my shoes as a pillow. On the bright side I did learn a lot just listening to my cellmates talk during the course of the night.
1. there are 42 ways to bend a Metrocard and get it to work for free
2. On 135th and Broadway there is a spot with 10$ hookers
3. The name and location of a homemade gumbo spot (i'm keeping it under wraps)
at 11 am this morning I was seen by a judge who said he was going to send me to Riker's island for 72 hours. That would make for a riveting post on the board. He ended up giving me 75 hours of community service and a compliment on my seersucker suit. gyeah!
I just got home and checked like 36 voicemails and found out that my dog pooped in my kitchen.
THE MAN CANNOT HOLD ME DOWN!
I'm either going to sleep now or watch "Hard to Kill" for the billionth time. Seagal's ponytail is my idol. "
- Momentum20
haha so where is these stories coming from?
- skelly0
do you have all of these archived somewhere? you gotta make an epic log of all these stories...
- _eh_0
A year and a half later?