Hungry
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- kingjulien
1.) There will be no original story this week. I'm sorry. I've been sick for 5 days, my voice is gone after a 4 hour lecture last night, and well, my ex-gf is dating a Russian dude named Boris with lamb chop sideburns, and really, who can process that with a straight face?
2.) Does anybody remember the red headed best friend in Can't Buy Me Love, the one who Patrick Dempsey deserted when he became "cool", and also the one who slammed Patrick against the locker and said "You shit on my house!"? Yes, he also played Malakai in Children of the Corn, but what really makes him deep in my book is that he played the red-headed "Loco" in Colors, the white guy who just sat there all stoned and flashed the "two-one" gang sign across his chest. Why isn't he talked about when it comes to the pantheon of great American actors? Seriously, can this travesty continue?
3.) Last 5 birthdays:
A.) 2000: won $150 playing blackjack at Cache Creek Indian Casino. Was in the hole a hundred before putting on my Ace Rothstein blue vuarnets and suddenly the tide changed. Note to Self: Those things are magic. B.) 2001: had sex with blonde from art school, but also nearly had an accident when she started massaging my asscheeks after too much drinking and I had to run to the bathroom, afraid of the impending hot carl. C.) 2002: told the chair of my creative writing program that I would shank him after he made fun of the fact that my gf (at the time) was getting a nose and boob job at precisely the moment I was celebrating. It was like a movie, and my mind processed everything in split screen. Ah yes, Wonder Boys has nothing on me. D.) 2003: too boring to even discuss E.) 2004: sang Easy Like Sunday Morning to a packed karoake bar. Afterwards, when the bars closed, I ducked into a Chinatown alleyway to puke. My friend saw me in action and said "I see how you do it, playa. I can throw up too" and proceeded to stick his hand down his throat and yack on que, just, well, because I had done so. Within seconds we were both fine, but for some reason this image has always equally disturbed and amused me. F.) This Year: will I be better soon? Will I end up chomping Thera-Flu and watching The Toy with Richard Pryor and Jackie Gleason? Can I at least stumble to the corner Mexican joint for some Chicken Nachos? Who gets sick in June anyway? Is 31 officially over the hill? Am i dying? Will I be trimming ear hair soon?
4.) When I was a kid I used to flip light switches in quick succession, counting everything in denominations of four, and I would only stop when it felt right. I also would chant this weird little mantra to myself every Wednesday, because--well-- I always had this strange feeling about Wednesdays. I kept these little eccentricities to myself as a kid because I was afraid I was crazy and people would tease me, but now I know about OCD, and I can mentally talk myself out of these fits. The funny thing is I just read this story about a guy who had such an extreme case of OCD that he licked lightswitches and had to kiss evey step of his stairway in his home before he could enter his room, even when that meant having a tongue riddled with cat hairs. The only way he was able to break free from his quirks was when he went to college and began smoking and taking drugs. That's kind of intriguing to think about.
6.) Yes, I talk way too much.
7.) Yes, I have a lot of issues.
8.) Yes, I have a tendency to choose badly when it comes to women.
9.) Yes, I'm typing this with an icepack on my neck and a heating pad on my back, and yes, I look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame.
10.) What I need today cannot be bought...
- bumblefuck0
sedaris
- kingjulien0
Yes, bumblefuck (great name btw), it was Sedaris' A Plaque of Tics. Brilliant story.
- nick0
i give this post 4 stars
- kingjulien0
nick, are you sure I'm not pouring my precious little heart out too much on the internet?...lol
I might be coming to the city next weekend, dude, and if i do I'll be in touch.
- woof0
Whats Sedaris about? Who wrote it?
- bumblefuck0
let's share drugs
- blaw0
i'm a fan of:
1) the new list format
2) david sedaris
3) drinking until you puke, then having another drink
4) threatening to shank authority figures
5) the cool side of OCD
6) the second 'hot carl' reference of the week.happy birthday.
- MrWhite0
yawn
- kingjulien0
I think it's great that of MrWhite's 13 total responses, 3 have been to talk shit to me....lol
Thanks Blaw...btw, I have benefitted immensely from your FMT posts over the past few months. Much appreciated....
- bumblefuck0
mr white = cunt
- MrWhite0
Zzzzzz.....
- blaw0
cheers, kingjulien. enjoy the weekend, sir.
- bumblefuck0
haha- a fellow troll
- bulletfactory0
always an enjoyable read kj!