MOnday Pits...
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- opiate
Please give me something to make me laugh. This day is gonna SUCK!!!
- Eleanor0
http://members.cox.net/ladysarak…
Might wanna shut one eye!
- opiate0
very fitting heheheh. I heard the whooly look is makin a comeback ,
- k0na_an0k0
my sunday. the most fun i've had in a long time.
1pm i arrive at the hospital to see my 83 year old grandfather. he had just undergone knee replacement a week ago. along with my girlfriend and parents my grandma was their. in 2 hours i never laughed so hard. he was telling me/us about his morphine trips he had before he cut him off. first: my uncle had dropped off this parakeet that once turned on would record your voice, then say it back. trippy. especially when doped up. haha. he said 'one night i was laying here snoring and i woke up cause the guy layin next to me was snoring so loud. so i told him to roll over and he told me to roll over. so i said it again, so did he.' he then said they went back and forth for an hour before the nurse came in and started laughing because someone left the bird on. for an hour he was talking to the bird who was talking back to him.
then, when asked who brought the bird in he said 'a large black man' in a whispered voice. well. my grandmother told me 'a priest came in that morning and picked the bird up to see it. totally hillarious to me. he thought the priest was a huge black guy. haha!
then the kicker i guess one afternoon he called in the nurse cause 3 men were dancing on top of the clock across from him. well, what he really saw was the three cable lights coming out of the back of the tv. as she came in he was like 'look.... do you see that? little irishmen dancing on top of the clock. would ya look at that. they don't look drunk at all!' hahaha i almost pissed myself when he told me that.
so after we left i went to my folks house and my dad showed me his latest toy. a ps2. so i tried teaching him how to play san andreas which was one of the games he bought. holy hell. trying to teach him and my mom how to play was the most fun i've had ever. they had tears in their eyes as they were running over and shooting the pedestrians. and when my mom would hit a cop she'd scream when her wanted level went up and the cops started chasing her. holy shit. two 50+ intelligent adults playing the game was fucking funny.
hope that put a smile on your face opiate. it did mine.
- opiate0
Kiler story Kona, hahahahah. Teachin the parents to kill and steal and hearin about family jacked up on morphine, I would have laughed my ass off too
- jkosoy0
I saw Bob Saget on Saturday night. He opened with this joke:
"For the record, I never fucked the Olsen twins. All their friends, but never them..."
I'm scarred for life now because of this, and thought that you might want to be too.
- opiate0
Saget said that!! Damn, he is blue. I heard he was pretty vulgar with his stand up. AHHAHAH
- k0na_an0k0
here's another good one.
spent all last week making an ad for u of i's perfect 30-0 season even though they had 4 games to go. i said 'i really think this is a bad idea, any team can lose any day of the week' but they purdy much didn't listen. they even went ahead and had the stores print up 6 different t-shirts and a hat, 2000 each for the 'perfect' season.
the ad was scheduled to go out automatically after sundays 'win'.
oops. fuckin morons. i told you so you silly fucks.
so what did i do? sunday morning called a buddy in vegas and told him to lay 50 bucks on ohio state for the win. 18-1 odds. thank you for 900 bucks you suit bastards.
i've been rubbing their fuck up in their faces all day. bitches.
- opiate0
holy shit.....nice one- u got inside connections kona?
- k0na_an0k0
holy shit.....nice one- u got inside connections kona?
opiate
(Mar 7 05, 08:48)
++++++++++++++++++++
haha. just a hook up in vegas who throws down bets for me with no points.he laid down 100 so he was VERY happy. i told him he was an idiot if he didn't bet against UfoI. too many variables against them, along with our gigantic xyz company curse. we did it to notre damn and purdue last football season. 6-0 purdue and a heisman front runner, we promote it and bam they lose their next 6 AND the bowl game. fuckers.
- opiate0
yeah, i put cash on that ND game to . I knew something like that was gonna happen. I know a couple folks who raked it in.