Aussie facts
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- toe_knee
When Australia was built on a deserted island in 1984, they couldn't think of a name for it. Most people wanted to call it 'mate' because it was a good word, but this one bloke said "hey there sports, I've jus' been to this wonderful place called Austria - let's steal their name and spell it wrong" they all agreed that it was a bonza idea.
Aussies are stupid and unreliable
Aussies don't understand jokes.
Children from the age of 3 are encouraged to drink beer instead of milk.
Australians call each other "mate" even if they're not mates.
Only 1% of people in Australia have cars, the rest have to ride to work on wasps. Can you imagine that ?
In some parts of Australia it is illegal to eat chips and if caught by the "tucker police" you can spend up to 13 years in the Dame Edna Memorial Prison.
Outback folk often eat sand and tumbleweed if the supply of water is low.
Natalie Imbruglia sells old bras that she's fished out of bins over the Internet for stupidly high prices.
Australians don't understand words unless they're childish and silly, so they make up stupid phrases like "Woop Woop" "Dilly bag" and "Fair dinkum" - this helps a lot.
97% of Aussies are alcoholics.
92% of Aussies are called "Clive"
Chesney Hawkes once pretended to be Australian to get free advice on how to burn bushes.
Burning bushes is a popular pass-time in Australia. Most people have bush fires a few times every month. "How much bladdy bush is there to burn?"
The average Australian sweats over a pint a minute.
Aussie TV is shit.
That panting noise that Rolf Harris makes seems strange to us normal folks, but that's actually his mating call, and is used by many desperate Australian men.
In Australia there is a constant "wingdy wongdy" sound in the background everywhere 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Australians are so used to this sound they don't even hear it. "are you new to this country mate?" "yeah, I'm from the UK, what is that wingdy wongdy sound ?" "what sound? I can't hear a sound!" "that constant digeridoo-like sound in the background" "bladdy hill mate, there is no sound, you must be imagining it ya pommie yobbo!"
Australia smells like drains.
Cancer was created in an Australian laboratory and then spread to other countries by carrier pigeon, the same goes for HIV, arthritis and swollen wrists.
Australians smoke nettles instead of tobacco.
Aussies are really good at cheating. They cheat at all sports.
For TV comedy in Australia they just show a man being kicked by a kangaroo over and over again. Aussies find it funny however many times they've seen it.
84% of Aussies can't read.
Being ill was invented in Australia. So was faking illness.
Boomerangs are crap .
Steve Irwin puts the Aussie accent on, he's really Welsh and smokes crack with his mother, who he doesn't realize has been dead for months.
Australians descended from moths in the early 80s
NOT drinking heavily is a crime in some parts of Australia, the punishment for this is having to walk around all day with crisps in your pants. The Aussies call this "dingle wasser"
Aussies make bad TV on purpose to piss the rest of the world off.
Going to Australia is like stepping back into the 80s
Sunblock is always used in Australia, even when it's not sunny.
Aussies get so mad when they don't understand jokes that they often start killing people.
Some Australians have 5 legs, these people are known as "cally bums"
Most Australians deep down want to be English.
The Plague was wiped out years ago over here but it's still at large down under, killing hundreds a week
Australians don't use toothpaste to clean their teeth, why they don't even use toothbrushes. Most Aussies just chew on some toilet roll, and some don't even bother doing that
- drunktank0
its simple
fuck off home then
- Axel0
dare i say, this person is chav?
- tuig0
1984?
uhm
- toe_knee0
point 3 must be valid then drunktank
:)
- seangetti0
I am going to be sent to the drunk tank tonight...
- _me_0
What a great start to the week. :)
- drunktank0
no but....
my father, his brother, my brother and I are all called Clive
- toe_knee0
haha
- ribit0
wouldnt it be simpler if you all changed your name to Bruce?
- _b_0
Bruce?
or Bwucie ?
- drunktank0
Clive thanks
I also have 3 cousins called Daryl
- SF20
Nothing better than a good shit stir. Great site.
- RIZ0
mmmmwwwwwwaaahhhh!!!!!
I love that shit!
- forcetwelve0
not bad - good to see us aussies getting pissed on instead of the yanks! even the score so to speak...
- n0rty10
another fact that's missing.
Australian's can call each other 'sick cunts' and not be offended but over joyed!
example:
- "Oh mate you're a farkin sick cunt"
- "cheers mate" :)
- drunktank0
haha
you can also be a" fully sick cunt"
- 5timuli0
Only the Aussies would have a National Anthem about shagging a mattress...
- toe_knee0
And if something is bullshit it means its good.
"oi, kenneoith, did ya see the rack on that shelie, it was bullshit"
- embarko0
so why did you you move here (aus) toe-knee?
- toe_knee0
ah jesus, its a bit of fun. surely you can see the humour in it....?