Tremens
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- kingjulien
You go and see the Life Aquatic With Steve Zizzoo. You hotbox in the parking lot. You imagine the security guard lurking behind you, and paranoid, you check your blind spot every 10 seconds. You insist that your friend hurry up but he keeps ducking down in the front seat for that last hit. You fume. The film starts in 2 minutes. You worry that you'll miss the opening scene and some crucial plot detail, one that your ex-gf will quiz you on when you discuss it the next morning. You struggle opening the door and think everybody is watching. Two girls pass. They smile. You're a weakling and everybody can see that. It's cold so you put your hoodie over your ears. Your buddy slams his door and immediately makes this "Oh" sound. You know it can't be good. You imagine the worst. The previews are starting in 30 seconds. You've wanted to see this flick for 4 months, every since you saw that preview during the napelon dynamite fiasco. You don't want to ask so you look inside. In the ignition, the keys shine. You gasp. You try and open the side door but it's locked. A light goes off everytime you touch the handle and your friend tells you to stop, thinking security will get suspicious. You want to talk shit but you know it's not the right time. A pack of young hooligans approach menacingly and you realize if you go inside the cine the Cady will be gone when you return. You try and sound sympathetic. You know you can't leave him here. You remember that image of the elderly couple getting crushed by the tsunami and you feel dryness in your mouth. You adjuct your glasses. You imagine all those files on your desktop getting zapped. You try not to add the hours spent working on those files. You try and forget that the virus was probably from some porn site and you're glad your buddy hooked you up with a new operating system so you didn't have to be questioned about your viewing habits by some IT guy named Charlie. You don't want to call AAA for a locksmith because this will be your 3rd time, and you only have one call left, but you know your friend is broke and if you don't call it will cost him $100. You see how helpless he is, kicked out of the house by his ex, the living aboard his sailboat plan aborted after 36 hours. You remember that scene in The Aviator when Howard Hughes started stacking urine bottles in his germ chamber, and you hope your lightswitch flicking and stripper dating habits don't evolve into something worse. You remember that if you make it through this incident there's 3 yellow Norco's at home in a film canister, and that headache you've had for 6 weeks will temporarily subside.
You call AAA and are advised that it will take an hour. The first driver comes and can't jimmy the lock so an expert is called. You listen to your friend's Thailand Brothel review business proposal and try not to seem creeped out. You take a deep breath. You close your eyes. You remember those photos you got back from the lab, the cross-processed double exposures that were so bizarre, and you remmeber how excited you were to call your friend and tell her how hot they turned out, and how even though she may be married you're happy just to spend a few hours talking and laughing and making art. Then you remember that Stephen Malkmus song 1% of One that you played over and over this morning, how beautiful the chorus at the end was, how you wanted to cry at that moment because sometimes good music has this ability to move us beyond words, and sometimes you can't control these emotions.
You realize the tremens have ended. You feel like a new you. You get up the next morning and go to the same theatre and see the matinee. The film is hilarious, brilliant the first hour and fifteen minutes, and you chuckle every time Blll Murray sneaks away to blaze one and contemplate the nothingness of nothingness in that funny red cap. You know that dilemma--all too well--and you're happy that the ending may be formulaic and oversentimental but it gives you hope for the nexst few hours, and sometimes hope is all we need.
- JazX0
whaaaaat the?
- tny0
speedreading
- Dublao70
agree
- Scottizzle0
blaze on brotha!
- Dublao70
ok wait....
I like it.
ok thanks good stuff
- tny0
nice, cheers kj
- jevad0
awesome
- Gilt0010
I like the part about how moving music can be sometimes. Oh so very true.
Bjork's "Possibly Maybe" does it for me. As do many other tracks.
- k0na_an0k0
konas cliff notes:
2 homos went to the theater. smoked a bit of weed in the car. yoked the dude locked his keys in the car. the other dude didn't want to leave being the good homo friend that he is so they both miss the movie. locksmith opens the car door. next day the matinee is seen. funny movie. yay. the end.
- Scottizzle0
Lots of oldschool pre-radio pinback does that for me...
- tny0
gilt, all time slammin' track
- Dublao70
write another!
theses types of things pass the time well.
- spendogg0
whats a Norco? and can i have some?
- kingjulien0
Cliff Notes Appendum:
1 guy reads a silly post and decides to be clever. He makes gay jokes as a defense mechanism to cover up his own desire for man-goo. He believes he sees between the lines and creates his own homo-erotic narrative although none of this comes from the text. He gets aroused. He rents My Own Private Idado and freeze frames sevral close-ups. He purchases a Red Cabriolet and combs his hair forward. He tans. He drives around town with his shirt off and a visor to the side and flashes gang signs to "I'm too Sexy for my Shirt too sexy it hurts" the millenium remix . He opens a salon. He goes to gallery openings and critiques the cheese selection. At night, when no watches, he places cucumber peels on his eyelids and fantasizes about turkish prisons and Tommy Bradford from 8 is Enough. The end.
- k0na_an0k0
*sits up from black sofa
wow doc. you hit the nail on the head. here's $500. can we meet again next week and talk about how people can't take a joke?
kewl. see you then.
- Dublao70
hats off to the both of you
- kingjulien0
yeah, responding to sarcasm with more sarcasm is clearly a sign of not being able to take a joke. very perceptive. oh, and yeah, you know my rate is $750 for the hour. just to be clear , you have to take care of that happy ending on your own time.
- Dublao70
not to end the sarcasm, but
kingjulien - who is the girl on your site?
- k0na_an0k0
$750?!? damn....that better come with a reach-around.
- ricstultz0
kingjulien... that was fucking ace man...