sacred
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- kingjulien
I worry about my roommate. He's a nice guy, but sometimes things happen, strange awkward moments where I catch him rocking out to Sarah McLachlan with a 4 pack of Raspberry wine coolers, or just his general enthusiasm for swing dancing scares me, or the time he attended a Prince party for Halloween and wore a sleeveless purple suit vest without a shirt underneath, and he had his Austin Powers chest hair shooting through the center.
Maybe I'm weird--but sometimes things just feel wrong.
Two nights ago I was doing laundry. He was in the kitchen talking on the phone. As I walked by, suddenly he stopped midsentence, grabbed my attention, and asked if the top pair of boxers in my basket were his. I said no, but he gave me this are you sure look. Again I said no, these are mine, but the whole time he had his eyebrows raised. When he returned to his conversation his body langaue told me we would discuss the matter later, under more scrutiny, and I had to chuckle to myself.
You see, he seems really obsessed with this particular pair of boxers and I'm not sure why. They're the standard old navy plaid number. A lot of men must have them. And yet, for the past year, at least four times he's mentioned that he has the same boxers, like it's something we should sing coom by yah about. One night he was folding his clothes and he held up his pair to show me. See, he said, same pattern. I said yeah, wow, same exact pair and everything. What a coincidence.
Seriously, who would take another man's underwear? Even after going through the laundry, the idea of ball residue from another man's sack touching my own makes me ill. Also, this guy is 6'4'' 200 lbs-- at least--and I'm 5'9'' 150lbs. I'm skinny as fuck. There's no way I could fit into his boxers--they'd fall straight to my ankles.
Finally, and most importantly, why would you ask this question while on the phone with a hot nectar that you're trying to score with? Does this sound attractive? Does is it sound manly? I know I probably sound close-minded and uptight and just a a tad neurotic, and it really doesn't bother me when it comes down to it, but dear lord, can somethings be sacred?
- canuck0
haha. nice writing man.
- blackspade0
haha
dood i know exactly how you feel
a lot of the time with flatmates its those little things that fuck u right off
but if u didnt live with the person u prob wouldnt think much of it, its prob just a case of all those things over time getting on yer nerves, until u are at the point where anything the fucker does gets the hair on yer neck raised
- jevad0
+1
- rasko40
I can spot a kj post in the first sentence.
funny.. and somewhat.. disturbing ;)
- beagle0
intriguing.
- raybolger20
do you live in a frat house?
- kingjulien0
He just came home and I realized I forget to buy another bottle of two buck chuck to compensate for drinking his last night, and despite that, he was chipper and polite and couldn't have been cooler. Now I feel guilty for using him as a source of comic relief. Sometimes I'm such a selfish ass.
And yet when i think about it, there's really no excuse for bumpin' rock me amadeus and papa don't preach at 7:00 am yesterday. It really wasn't necessary.
- liquid0
oh I needed a laugh and I just had one.....thank you...
I must say....I have friends at church that I sware if they weren't christian they would be gay... and as "straight" guys they are a tad fem anyway... I just don't even like shaking their hand...so when I see them I just give them the closed fist....they kind of figure it out....
its kind of like shaking hands with jello.....
- rasko40
you sound like a true christian liquid, I'm actually hoping that post is pure jest, but somehow, I know it isn't.
- pascii0
i once had a flatmate, a really nice serious guy with good manners and such. but the day i discovered his porn collection i had to change my mind about him.
at least your flatmate didn't grab 'yer girls undies
- kingjulien0
I had a buddy in college who had too many drinks one night and hooked up with the chubby girl next door. She wasn't even in the 'chunky but funky' category, but after 15 rounds, I guess it didn't matter to him. In the middle of the night he got up to take a leak, and while returning to bed he saw her underwear on the floor. Heaven knows what compelled him to do this, but my buddy reached down, put the panties to his nose, smelled something wrong, and took the underwear to the clock for better lighting.
It was then that he noticed a chocolate streak.
We officially christened that morning, and that awakening, Sunday Chocolate Sunday.
- rasko40
'I had a buddy in college'
shhuuuurre ya did heheh
- tara|gee0
yeah cuz definately priests arent homosexuals
- Rand0
the genius of these posts become more apaprent when you realize that they are entirely fictional!
- rasko40
there's no fun without fiction Monsieur Rand!
- kingjulien0
I know it sounds suspicious, but it really happened to a friend. His last name was Redfern but we called him Red-partially because of his last name, and also because he had red hair. The funny thing is, he's a red-headed step-child. His foster parents were well to do--both scientists--and they had three adopted children: Red, his Vietnamese brother Charlie (I'm not kidding) and this cute black girl named Jonnel, who used to date the halfback for the 49ers. Needless to say, it was an eclectic bunch, a Santa Barbara version of the Royal tenenbaums, and I always had a smile on my face when I got to attend Sunday dinner.
One time Red got a DUI, and the arresting officer was downright sexy. We were coming home from the bar, and when Red saw the lights in his rear view mirror, he proceeded to park halfway up the curb (I sat in the backseat at a 45 degree angle). When she arrived at his window--hair in a bun, breasts perky in those tight blue unforms, he hopped out and asked--once she was done giving him a field sobriety exam--if she was willing to meet him for drinks the following Tuesday. The cop said no--deadpan and as serious as can be, and handcuffed him on the slanted hood. While it was hard to laugh in the moment, we found ample time the following morning.
To make a long story short, Red spent a night in jail, and he got two new best friends--one named Jesus (who hated it when I called him Hey Zeus) and the other named Achilles (although I could never get it straight and often referred to him as Ulysses). These guys were coke dealers from Tijuana, and once they appeared on the scene I slowly eased my way out. You can only get so far talking shit to this crowd. One day you've gone too far and you wake up buried in a ditch 30 miles from the border, a scar across your stomach from where the kidney used to reside.
- Peter0
At least you know what to give him for christmas. And put his name on those undies for the love of god, or he'll beat you up some day.
- stewart0
kingjulien, you write books too?
if so, please send me one.
- pascii0
yes, keep that prosa coming.
*sings sunday choclate sunday
- Blofeldt0
Get this guys, it'll TOTALLY freak you out. I had this flatmate once, and he was a normal guy. Didn't do anything odd, we went drinking, and he went to work each day. No arguments over pants, or large ladies or anything. CRAZY!