So....
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- jevad
...I was getting into my car this morning, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?"
I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
- nicko0
lol
- jevad0
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'
So that was nice.
- paulrand0
so-oo
- jevad0
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
- DutchBoy0
as from that movie..
imagine on a plane, halfway above the atlantic suddenly you hear:
"ladies and gentleman, this is your captain speaking. There is no reason to panic!"
well, usually there is indeed no reason to panic is there..
;P
- jevad0
I inherited a painting and a violin this week which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius.
Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter.
- DutchBoy0
bada booom!
- brooke0
Deep thoughts, by Jevad...
- DutchBoy0
That's Tommy Cooper eh?
- DutchBoy0
Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.
- jevad0
oi! stop hijacking my thread!!
^_^
- DutchBoy0
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
- DutchBoy0
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
- jevad0
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved.
And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again. And I swerved again.
He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree.
And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
- DutchBoy0
badabing!!
thread is yours. i'm out!
nice weekend all!
- Mal0
When I was just 10 years old my father asked my what I wanted for my birthday. I said I wanna watch.
So he let me.
- Mal0
later in my early 20's I was going out with a french girl. After sex she lit up two cigs and passed one to me then said.
My mother always told me to be good, was I?
- jevad0
hahahahahha
- grayhood0
Last night i dreamt i drank the world's largest margeritta, i woke up and there was salt all over the toilet bowl. thank god i didn't eat the worm.
- jevad0
lol