Funky Lorem Ipsum
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- ********
yo.
need yer help.
I need some funky ass alternative for the utterly boring Lorem Ipsum text.
Need to fill a mockup for something funky, so I want something cool/funny etc.
don't post random pieces of text please.
things that stand out, pls..
thanx in advance!
- kodap0
Bleeding from the back passage is something that you should always see your doctor about, even if you are convinced it is piles or an anal fissure. The reason you need to be checked is that bleeding from the back passage can be a symptom of bowel (colon or rectum) cancer. If you don’t like the idea of being examined in that area, look at Seeing your doctor about an anal problem.
In general, if the bleeding is bright red and you have anal pain, especially when you pass a stool, it is probably a non-serious condition such as anal fissure or piles – but your doctor needs to make sure.
If the bleeding is dark red, or in clots, or mixed with a lot of slime, or mixed in with the faeces it could be a more serious condition (such as colitis, diverticular disease or cancer of the rectum or colon) that needs prompt treatment. Other symptoms that might be serious are a decreased frequency and/or hardness of faeces, or an increased frequency and/or looseness of faeces.
What do you know about bowel cancer?
A survey by BUPA, a private healthcare organization in the UK, showed that people do not know much about bowel cancer. When prompted with a list of eight possible symptoms, only 57% of men and 70% of women in the UK named rectal bleeding as one of the main symptoms of bowel cancer.
Anal itching
Anal itching can be just an annoyance, or can be so troublesome that it dominates your life. It is usually made worse by warmth, and is often most troublesome in bed. The skin round the anus easily becomes irritated and inflamed. This is because it is difficult to keep the area round the anus clean and dry; the skin is crinkly and traps tiny faecal particles. It is also sweaty and airless, and it may be moist from an anal or vaginal discharge. When it becomes irritated, scratching is a natural reaction, but this allows damages the skin further – the itch/scratch cycle. Ointments and creams can cause further problems by keeping the area damp.
Although it is very unpleasant, anal itching seldom means anything serious. If you have pain as well as itching, look at the section on anal pain.
Causes of anal itching
Washing too much or not enough. Poor hygiene can be responsible for anal itching, but so can excessive cleaning, especially if you use harsh soaps or a brush.Pre-moistened toilet tissues (wipes), bought from chemists and supermarkets, can sometimes cause anal itching. The reason is probably perfume, alcohol or a preservative in the wipes.
Sensitivities and allergies to other chemicals, such as bubble baths and perfumed soaps, may be responsible.
Ointments and creams are notorious causes of anal itching. If you have itching, it is a natural reaction to buy an anaesthetic gel for the anal area. Most of these are labelled ‘for haemorrhoids’ and contain lignocaine, tetracaine, cinchocaine, pramocaine or benzocaine with other ingredients. At first they help, but then the itching returns because you have become sensitive to one of the ingredients in the cream or ointment and they are keeping the area moist. Don’t use them for more than 1 week.
Skin conditions, such as psoriasis or eczema, can affect the skin round the anus and cause itching. Piles can sometimes be itchy, partly because of the slimy discharge they produce.
Fungal infections, similar to thrush or athletes foot are another common cause. Fungi love warm, damp and damaged skin, so if you have an itchy anus for any reason and then damage the skin by scratching, fungi can take hold and make it worse.
Sexually transmitted infections are what most people worry about, but are not usually the reason. Genital warts (vulva or penis, caused by papillomavirus, thrive in warm, moist conditions such as the skin near the anus and can be very itchy. Genital herpes (caused by herpesvirus) can also infect the anus, and causes itching just before the sores appear and also during the healing stage. Both these viruses are easily transferred to the anal skin on the fingers, and can therefore occur round the anus in heterosexuals as well as homosexuals. The anus may be the only site of infection; the fact that you don’t have genital warts or herpes elsewhere doesn’t rule them out.
Threadworms (pinworms) are tiny worms, about 13 mm long, which live in the lower part of the bowel. The female worms creep out of the anus at night – how they know it is night, and why they come out only at night, is a mystery. They lay thousands of eggs on the skin of the anus, causing intense itching at night. When you scratch, the eggs lodge under your fingernails, and it is easy to transfer them to your mouth and reinfect yourself.
Certain foods can irritate the anus during defaecation. Beer and curry are obvious examples. Some people find that citrus fruits, grapes, tomatoes, coffee or tea can cause problems.
Anxiety tends to make the brain hyper-alert to body feelings that we may otherwise be able to ignore, so if you are going through an anxious period, a symptom such as itching can become magnified.
Pleasure. It is worth asking yourself whether you are deriving a perverse, almost erotic, pain/pleasure from scratching the itchy area, which is keeping the irritation going
- ********0
it's a start.
- ********0
damn, i wish the Teacher or loudubbs was here..
they prolly offered some nice ones...
- enobrev0
Now that's fuckin funny. Now that's fuckin funny. Now that's fuckin funny. Now that's fuckin funny. Now that's fuckin funny. Now that's fuckin funny. Now that's fuckin funny. Now that's fuckin funny.
Now that's fuckin funny. Now that's fuckin funny. Now that's fuckin funny. Now that's fuckin funny. Now that's fuckin funny. Now that's fuckin funny.
Now that's fuckin funny. Now that's fuckin funny. Now that's fuckin funny. Now that's fuckin funny. Now that's fuckin funny. Now that's fuckin funny. Now that's fuckin funny. Now that's fuckin funny.
Now that's fuckin funny. Now that's fuckin funny.
- ********0
grr..
already on beer, eno?
:D
- exador0
In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, honey,
don't you know that I love you?
In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, baby,
don't you know that I'll always be true?Oh, won't you come with me and take my hand?Oh, won't you come with me and walk this land?
- enobrev0
:)
btw, got that thing today man.
nice packaging!
- ********0
ah, that thing!
yeah, nice *packaging* hehehe
i hope your girl has not found it yet..
lol
no really.
it really is not THAT interesting folks.
nothing to see here.
move on!
- schjetne0
THE AGE OF PAMPARIUS
So you think you had an Opera
So you think you had a Napoli
So you think you had a decent pizza
Well not like this
You got nothing to lose at Pamparius
So you think you had a calzone
So you thought you could make your own
So you thought you could take it home
Well not like this
You got nothing to lose at Pamparius
gonna wear them happy shoes tonight
You got nothing to lose at Pamparius
Gonna bake a motherfucking pizza tonight
Apocalypse dudes got nothing to lose
Gonna stomp some teenage ass tonight
Apocalypse dudes got nothing to lose
Gonna bake some motherfucking magic
tonightSELFDESTRUCTO BUST
I ain't no architect
ain't got the intellect
I gotta get away
my time will fade away
I'm gonna spend it in the dust
yes it's true
I gotta selfdestructo bust
I ain't no fireman
I lost it in the can
I got a steel machine
I got a mongo's dream
I gotta get away
my time will fade away
I'm gonna spend it in the dust
I gotta selfdestructo bust
Ain't gonna ride that yellow bus
I gotta selfdestructo bustGET IT ON
Gimme Friction baby, and I like it
Gimme friction baby, and I like it, love it
Gimme deathpunk baby, and I like it
Gimme deathpunk baby, and I like it, love it
Get it on. Right on.
Gimme shiny beast, and I like it
Gimme shiny beast, and I like it, love it
Gimme teen machine, and I like it yes I do
So young, firm and clean, and I like it, love it
Get it on. Right on.
What do you want?
I wanna get it on
Right on.ROCK AGAINST ASS
It took a while but now it's back
Back from the lab- it's in my hat
So you better run home
Get on the motherfucking phone
It's time to rock against ass, so
Pick up the motherfucking stone
Well I'm not in a hurry, no I ain't in a rush
That rock is such a gift so make it last
No I'm not in a hurry
but that ride is such a blast
I said Lord take me downtown
'cause it's a rock against ass
so you better think fast
So you better get back
I had no choice - I cut the leash
You can't control that rocky beast
So you better run home
Get on the motherfucking phone
It's time to rock against ass, so
Pick up the motherfucking stoneDON'T SAY MOTHERFUCKER, MOTHERFUCKER
Don't need no budget boob
Don't need no funky lube
You wanna deal? I wanna snitch
Such a wild-ass bitch
but you can't touch this
So, don't say motherfucker, motherfucker
Don't wipe your sole on the curb
Li'l puppy needs a guiding hand
to rub your face in the turd
Don't need no vintage tits
Don't need no tight ass lips
You wanna thrill? You gotta learn
Better step back as the deathpunk burns
They say that rats ain't got no friends
They say that stink will never end
Gimme that dirty food
Gimme that angel's lude
You wanna rock? You gotta roll
Washing your gold in a toilet bowl.
So, don't say motherfucker, motherfucker
Don't wipe your sole on the curb
Li'l puppy needs a guiding hand
to rub your face in the turd
Don't say motherfucker, motherfucker
Don't spend it all in one place
Li'l puppy need a helping foot
To kick the sand in your face
Just don't say itRENDEZVOUS WITH ANUS
Walk the streets, what do I see
Shit on legs approaching me
Alright I really want it
Oh yeah I gotta have it
Come on baby and dance again
Jerk that head and be my friend
Merging Zeus and Spartacus
In rendezvous with anus
B.O.S. Buns of steel
Spandex ass to make me kneel
Gonna give you electric shock
gonna give you electric rock
Looking good and feeling clean
Classic buttocks on the scene
Cars go by they're out of luck
Eyeball ass - eyeball stuck!ZILLION DOLLAR SADIST
I used to be such a welfare stoner
I used to be such a twilight zoner
I used to be such a moneybumming boozer
I used to be such a masochistic schmoozer
But now I'm worldwide-
you know that I made it
I'm above the law -
I'm the zillion dollar sadist
What do you want for nothing baby
What do you for free
I tell you what you need,
it's some Hanky-action baby
I wanna hear you scream in denim ecstasy
But now I'm worldwide-
you know that I made it
I'm above the law -
I'm the zillion dollar sadist
take it to the bridge
I promise fun
To all and everyone
no questions asked
it's gonna be great
a new dimension of joy
Do anything you wanna do.PRINCE OF THE RODEO
Hi-ridin' daddy-o
Spur-hump heyho let's go
Fornicator of the lasso
Sperminator of the asshole
Prince of the rodeo
Shoot the chute
Pull the flute
I'm back in the saddle -
the world's most progressive cowboy
And don't forget the clown
I'm ridin' high, I'm ridin' low
Prince of the rodeoBACK TO DUNGAREE HIGH
I didn't mean to turn you on
just wanna dance and sing my song
Clocking in, clocking out
no I don't mind it at all
Me and the danger dudes
were on the news
so just don't bother to call
it's just a way to stay alive, boy
it's such a trip just to survive
So it's back, back to dungaree high
just to get by, back to dungaree high
just a great big boy -
with a teeny-weeny alibi
Just a soul on ice
With a mirror and a blade
and a pocket full of mice
Cheap thrills done and the dirt cheap ants
'cause I got a headache in my pants
Throb throb
It's just a way to stay alive, boy
It's such a trip just to survive
So it's back, back to dungaree high
just a great big boy -
with a teeny-weeny alibi
It's just a way to stay alive, boy
It's such a trip just to survive, boyARE YOU READY (FOR SOME DARKNESS)
Are you ready for some darkness
are you ready for some fun?
Do you wanna touch the right tonight
or do you want to grab your hat and run?
Are you ready for the void?
Do you wanna lose your mind tonight
do you wanna be a denim boy?
Are you ready for the nighttime
are you ready for the booth?
Do you wanna suck the goat tonight
and do you want the right to stay?
Or is it way to much?
Too much for you to touch?
You want it, you got it
But you never paid for this
Are you ready for some darkness
are you ready for the show?
Do you wanna feel the heat tonight
or do you wanna hit the road?
Do you really wanna get it
or do you wanna shut the door?
Do you really wanna call it a day
or do you want some more?
Are you ready for the panther
are you... are you ready for the light?
Do you wanna buzz the buzz again
and are you... are you ready for the fight?
Are you ready? Yes, I'm ready.MONKEY ON YOUR BACK
You say the monkey is unclean
You say the monkey is obscene
I've seen the monkey and his deeds
I tell you brother, set him free
You paint it white, I'll paint it black
I'll be the monkey on your back
You claim the monkey made you fall
You claim the monkey shaved your balls
I dig the monkey and his scene
I met that mother in a dreamHUMILIATION STREET
Humiliation Street
Where all the danger kids meet
The dagger dudes and the dirt done cheap
That's what I say
Humiliation Row
Where all the hollow kids glow
Pusslead panthers in the dirty snow
That's what I say
Humiliation Hill
Cowboys in for the thrill
Dimebag daddys with a dynamite kill
That's what I sayGOOD HEAD
Sweeping floors at the mill all day
Dropped out of school just to get away
I'm just a kid but I'll soon be dead
And all I want is some good head
Flipping pizzas on a Saturday night
classy asses to the left and right
have you ever been laid, she said
Fuck you. I'd rather have some good head
- ********0
nice ones, Jan!
so where's that one from the Backstreet Girls?
you know? that song about that old cat or something?
- schjetne0
Oh, you mean Whore Rotten Pussy? Lemme see if I can find it...
- kodap0
Out of burlap sacks, out of bearing butter,
Out of black bean and wet slate bread,
Out of the acids of rage, the candor of tar,
Out of creosote, gasoline, drive shafts, wooden dollies,
They Lion grow.Out of the gray hills
Of industrial barns, out of rain, out of bus ride,
West Virginia to Kiss My Ass, out of buried aunties,
Mothers hardening like pounded stumps, out of stumps,
Out of the bones' need to sharpen and the muscles' to stretch,
They Lion grow.Earth is eating trees, fence posts,
Gutted cars, earth is calling in her little ones,
"Come home, Come home!" From pig balls,
From the ferocity of pig driven to holiness,
From the furred ear and the full jowl come
The repose of the hung belly, from the purpose
They Lion grow.From the sweet glues of the trotters
Come the sweet kinks of the fist, from the full flower
Of the hams the thorax of caves,
From "Bow Down" come "Rise Up,"
Come they Lion from the reeds of shovels,
The grained arm that pulls the hands,
They Lion grow.From my five arms and all my hands,
From all my white sins forgiven, they feed,
From my car passing under the stars,
They Lion, from my children inherit,
From the oak turned to a wall, they Lion,
From they sack and they belly opened
And all that was hidden burning on the oil-stained earth
They feed they Lion and he comes.
- ********0
yes, my grandma just can't get enough of that song, I will give the album for her birthday real soon.
- ********0
that was a VERY nice one you Portuguese friend!
egg cell ent.
- k0na_an0k0
With three bottles of banana puree and a petrified chaffinch to keep them going, they set off down the dried up canal, en route to the 'Vaults Bar'. The fish under foot were no problem now, they just sighed as their brains squirted out over their boots, seeping into the canal bed. It was amazing how they lasted so long withought water. Mind you, alcohol was so cheep around here, they probably hadn't even noticed the draught. (Fraudian slip. 'What?' Oh yes)
Once a day he would take the time to wipe the sweat from his oversized umbrella. It really wasn't suited to these long journeys and was showing the strain quite badly now. He hoped it would last the trip. Three years was an awfully long time to spend without even a glimpse of a cloud, and he knew how the poor thing must be feeling. Frustrated.Further along the way, hunger drove him to desperation, and he unwrapped the small bird, taking an experimental first bite. It wasn't too bad really, but would have been nicer with water to re-hydrate it. Later, his stomach screamed for vengeance at the injustice of it's situation.
He had terrible visions of machinegun toting headless chickens, running all over the place, and shooting at anything they couldn't see. He prayed for sage and onion to save his soul.
Three bowls of porridge, placed on a table at the side of their route seemed a bit too much like tempting fate. The two passed them by, kind of like criminals returning to the scene... except they were innocent. So far.
'Tell it to the judge, along with your inside leg measurment and telephone number'. The old fool never could keep his mind on the job. Three hangings, two castrations, and a string of minor offences in the toilets, that was his average day. Ah well, you'll live. Keep your nose clean and stay well out of the way.They neared their destination. In the distance they could hear an ice cream van, chiming out 'Ride of the Valkyrie' as it wound it's way 'round narrow streets, selling brightly packaged chilled products and the very finest dessicated coconut. But only if you asked nicely.
They entered the bar, purchased refreshments, and took a seat each, near the window. The walls were stained almost black with tobacco smoke and were lovingly adorned with rabbit snares and man-traps... for when times were hard, no doubt. Over in the opposite corner sat a group of residents from the local institute for the psychologically maladjusted. Their minders watched over them patronisingly.
"Yes well you know, I was going to be a brain surgeon, but they said I wasn't quite steady enough with the soldering iron."
One of her charges looked up at her, hopefully, "Can I have a pint?" he said.
"Oh, I am sorry," she said. Such sincerity was totally underwhelming. "But not with your medication. How about an orange juice instead?" Great substitute. He looked at the floor, defeated.
- kodap0
Head, Warden v. Carr and Carr v. Head, Warden, Nos. S00A1798 and S00X1800. Appeal from Butts County Habeas Court (originally Fulton County), and Monroe County Superior Court.
No. S00A1798
The issues in this appeal are: Whether the trial court’s finding of ineffective assistance of counsel was based upon a non-deferential hindsight analysis of the attorney’s performance; whether the habeas court erroneously ruled that trial counsel was deficient in not enforcing a “deal” and in allowing petitioner to give a statement to the district attorney and testify at the co- defendant’s trial; whether the habeas court erred by failing to make a deficiency or prejudice analysis in finding that trial counsel was not effective during voir dire; and whether trial counsel’s representation of Carr was deficient causing prejudice to Carr.Evidence presented at trial showed that Timothy Don Carr and his girlfriend, Melissa Burgeson, were at a party with Keith Patrick Young, the 17-year-old victim. Carr and Burgeson discussed robbing the victim at the party. Later, Burgeson talked the victim into letting her drive his car with Carr, the victim, and two juveniles as passengers. Burgeson stopped on a dirt road and at her urging Carr stabbed the victim with a knife and beat him with a baseball bat. After the murder, Carr and Burgeson fled to Tennessee in the car and were arrested after a high speed chase. They were placed in the back of a patrol car where a hidden tape recorder recorded their incriminating statements. Carr was convicted of malice murder and auto theft, and sentenced to death. The Supreme Court affirmed his convictions and sentences in 1997. Carr filed a petition for writ of habeas corpus in 1998. The habeas court found that trial counsel had been ineffective and vacated Carr’s death sentence. The Warden brings this appeal.
The Warden points out that the court in Strickland warned against the danger of a hindsight-based, post-trial inquiry into trial counsel’s performance. The Warden argues that post-conviction review of trial counsel’s conduct is supposed to be highly deferential to the trial court’s finding. Carr maintains that the habeas court granted relief to Carr because the trial counsel committed a series of unreasonable errors which made the sentencing decision unreliable. Carr claims that trial counsel inadequately investigated and prepared Carr’s case. He asserts that trial counsel recklessly put the case at a disadvantage by advising Carr to give the State a confession without adequately advising him of the consequences.
The Warden asserts that the habeas court’s findings were erroneous regarding an alleged “deal” made by trial counsel with the district attorney before trial. Further, the Warden argues that trial counsel’s decision to allow Carr to sign a waiver, give a statement, and then testify at his co- defendant’s trial was part of a reasonable trial strategy. Carr claims that his trial counsel and the district attorney believed that an agreement had been reached as to a life sentence.
Cross-Appeal No. S00X1800.
The issues in this cross-appeal are: Whether the habeas court erred in failing to find that the prosecutor committed acts of misconduct which denied Carr a fair trial; whether the habeas court erred by denying some of Carr’s claims of ineffective assistance of counsel; whether the habeas court erred in failing to find that Carr’s 1986 simple battery adjudication was obtained in violation of his constitutional rights; whether the habeas court erred by finding that the trial court’s errors were either barred or procedurally defaulted on habeas corpus.Carr claims that the prosecutor improperly suppressed favorable evidence, knowingly presented false or perjured testimony, and engaged in improper argument. He argues that the evidence shows that deals were struck with the two key juvenile witnesses which were not disclosed to Carr. The Warden contends that the habeas court properly found that there were no deals in exchange for the juveniles’ testimony.
Carr asserts that the habeas court improperly denied a number of other reasons why trial counsel was ineffective in both the guilt-innocence and penalty phases of trial. The Warden counters that there was no deal and Carr was not prejudiced in the guilt-innocence phase because he believed that he had to testify since he had given the DA a statement before trial.
Carr’s1986 adjudication for simple battery was used by the State as non-statutory aggravating evidence. Carr claims that this adjudication resulted from an invalid guilty plea and he is actually innocent. The Warden claims that Carr’s juvenile adjudication for simple battery was properly introduced as non-statutory aggravating evidence, and Carr’s plea to the 1986 offense was knowing and voluntary.
- schjetne0
Sorry man, I couldn't find the lyrics for Whore Rotten Pussy...
I found the lyrics for I Got Erection by Turbonegro, though:
Ich bin geil! -
ARGHHHHH -
Everytime I walk down the street - Erection -
When I see a woman that I'd like to beat - Erection -
When I think of blood I think of love - Erection -
When I think of blood I think of love - Erection -
Oh, I got Erection Oh, I got Erection Oh, I got Erection Oh, I got Erection When I set a house on fire - Erection -
Once a liver, now she's a dier - Erection -
When I dig a hole in the ground - Erection -
When I hear that hard rock sound - Erection -
Oh, I got Erection -
Oh, I got Erection -
Oh, I got Erection -
Oh, I got Erection -
- k0na_an0k0
better and more obscure... now i'm thinkin
The place was one of those oriental affairs, almost chinese, but not quite. They sat down at a table, and a waiter, dressed up in bottled sun tan and heavy eyeliner, and sporting the most unconvincing oriental accent, came up to them.
"Can I be of service?"
"Yes. Learn to speak properly."
"Ah... Soh solly. Would you like to order food, sir, madame?" He looked none too happy.
"No thanks. We`re here to see the manager. In the meantime, would you bring us ten pairs of your very best chopsticks."
She looked at him quizzically, but he didn`t say a word.
The chopsticks arrived.
He unwrapped a pair, took one stick in both hands, and snapped it in two. It split into several pieces, spraying splinters across the table.
"Hah! Cheap rubbish!"
She frowned at him, but he still didn`t explain himself, merely snapping another chopstick. She ducked, narrowly being missed by a large splinter.
"Utter rubbish!" he cursed.
The next one snapped cleanly in two, making a loud `crack`.
"Ah! Now that`s how I like them. Sweet."
She could take it no longer.
"What the hell do you think you`re doing dear?" she asked sternly.
"I prefer human foetus` spines to be honest, but they`re getting rather difficult to obtain these days. These are the next best thing."They sat waiting, and watched as a plate of food came down in the dumb waiter. A dumb waitress took it, and in an extremely annoying nasal tone, called out, "Who`s this for?"
They continued to watch, as steaming bowl of soup came down.
"Who`s this for?"
A spicey rice dish.
"Who`s this for?"
A bowl of noodles with obscure, almost meat, chunks.
"Who`s this for?"
A huge rottweiler, snarling as it leapt for her throat.
"*Gurgle*....Who`s this *gurgle*.. for?"
He sat and stared at the ceiling, apparently examining the `apparently` wooden beams.
"What are you looking at?"
"Just wait." he said.
They watched. The waitress approached from across the room, licking her wounds. Suddenly there was a huge crash, and the ceiling collapsed as a gold-filled safe, dropped by a passing alien space ship to reduce weight while trying to escape Earth`s gravitational pull, landed on the floor right in front of them.
"Right on time. That old `drop the gold-filled safe` trick never fails."
"Ha ha ha! We`re rich!" she laughed.
"Don`t be silly. Being rich is no good. It`s the getting rich that`s the fun part."
She looked at the safe, then looked closer. Something seemed to be moving underneath.
"Mmmmmphh. Who`s thissssss forr r r?"Shortly, the manager, doing a very poor Dr Fu Man Chu impersonation, approached them. "Ah so. You are the artist, yes?"
"He is" she said.
"Good. I want you to paint me something really great."
"I can do that. What did you have in mind?"
"`Dr Fu Yung`s Take Away`"
"Beg pardon?"
"`Dr Fu Yung`s Take Away`"
"Excuse me, but I`m an artist."
"Yes. You paint sign?"
"Shit! Lets go."
"You not paint sign?"
"I AM AN ARTIST!!! And learn to speak bloody English, for Christ`s sake!"
"I say old chap, there`s no call for language of that kind in here. This is a respectable establishment I`ll have you know."
"AAAAARGH!!!!!"
They left.
- ********0
fuck, these are great!
this thread is growing beyond it's purpose now!
_Textualize Me
lol
- schjetne0
_LoremIpsumize Me