new jokes...
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- unknown
come on, lets have 'em!
political correctness will not be accepted heheh ;)
- kpl0
What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training?
How to surrender in at least 10 languages.
- taragee0
there's this pengin and he's driving his car - and soemthing is wrong with it so he takes it to the mechanic... the mechanic says" i'm real busy today - i need some time to check it out" so the pengin says ok and goes across the street and get some ice cream - but he has no hands just little flippers so he gets it all over himself... pengin goes back over to the mechanic and the mechanic says - "looks like you blew a seal" the pengin says "no no no - that's just ice cream "
- kpl0
A pirate walks into a bar, and the bartender looks and him.
bartender: "Man you look terrible! What happened to your leg?"
pirate: "oh, we were at sea, and it got hit by a cannonball."
bartender: "and you have a hook in your arm?"
pirate "oh, I got in a swordfight and me hand got cut off."
bartender: "and you have a patch on your eye?"
pirate: "oh, I looked up and a bird shat in me eye."
bartender: "but that can't do that much damage."
pirate: "I was't used to me hook yet."
- kpl0
who is a pirate's favorite philosopher?
Arrrr-istotle.
- kpl0
What is a pirate's favorite form of the verb "to be?"
arr-e.
- kpl0
Did you hear about the new pirate movie?
It's rated Arrrrr.
- Mal0
little girl in park with dog
ol lady: that's a cut little dog, ehat's his name?
lg: His name is Porky.
ol: Porky, how cute, does he like sausages?
lg: Nah he fucks pigs.
- robotron3k0
Did you hear about the guy with 5 penises? His pant's fit like a glove..
- unknown0
I like the pirate angle your taking here kpl
- J_Treehorn0
What's the difference between 1943 and 2003?
A. This time around, the Vichy government is telling the German puppets what to do.
- BEEMO0
This guy walks into a library after he gets off work. Walks up to the librarian, takes of his hat, and says "Hi there, I'll have a gin and tonic, please."
Librarian says, "Sir, this is a library."
Man replies in a whisper, "Sorry, I'll have a gin and tonic, please."
- ********0
not sure if you know this one already_ anyway__
I walked into the bar last week and christ, i couldn't believe me eyes..
right there in the corner Blair and Bush were having a pint or two_
so I stepped up to them and asked what they were up to..
So Bush answered me:
"We have plans to invade Iraq and we will bomb 500.000 innocent civillians and one prostitute.."
So I asked:
"Why the prostitute?"
Bush to Blair:
"You see, I told you...noone cares about those half a million civillian casualties...."
- J_Treehorn0
The federal government is trying to decide whether The FBI, the CIA, or the Los Angeles Police Department is the most effective at apprehending criminals. The issue is to be decided with a test - a rabbit is put in a forest and each organization has to find it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!
- ********0
hahahaha.....fucking A.... and so true__ sadly.
- J_Treehorn0
Q: What's the difference between an American and an American bomb?
A: The bomb is smart enough to know where to find Iraq