peculiar
Out of context: Reply #3
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- rasko40
"I also think there are explosions going off in my mind, which feel like an artistc breakthrough, but just might be the stress of debt and a general sense of apathy about the world."
I have similar bursts on some days, some weeks it happens quite regularly, maybe twice a day, then it doesn't happen for a while. For some reason I 'know' that it is a mild form of something somehow connected to bipolarism, which makes me feel special yet unnerved, in a retarded fashion.
What I want to do when I get those moments is to dive into a phone booth and spin round 3 or 4 times then burst out into the sky in my acrylic underpants and shiny vinyl belt, orbitting the Earth anti-clockwise at an alarming speed, thus slowing down time, then I can return to my moment and enjoy an entire day of it and see if I can make use of it.
Y'see, those moments usually happen first thing in the morning on sunny days, but I'm usually on the way to work, they gives me grand ideas of quitting booze and smoking, being ultra-productive at the weekends and constructing some incredible artistic adventure that will blow minds with its ultra-awesomeness. Then suddenly a cloud drifts in front of the sun and the doors on the train beep indicating my stop, off I step and away I trudge, along with the droves of mindless workers toiling in their daily drudge. (I like to think they are mindless because that elevates me above them, though if pressed I will admit that actually that amongst them are interesting and talented people) In a blink I arrive at work and anaesthetise myself with coffee and chocolate, back into the drone syndrome, productive, unquestioning, too busy to ponder, its all under the mat, out of sight out of mind. Must pay the bills, the edge is near.
And so the cycle continues.