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Out of context: Reply #74675
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- cannonball197824
Dear blog,
After four years we broke up and I’m such an idiot. I didn't realize the extent of her pills habit. It goes back to so many big fights on trips, weird behaviors at home, around family, the miscarriage.
How was I so stupid? How am I supposed to deal with this? I’m so ill equipped. I’m vacillating between stone sober anger and ugly crying because I love her. Should I tell her sister? Her mom? Her brother? God, In all my major relationships I’ve been such a failure. I see that now.
Also, my moms dog died. I’m gonna miss her. My mom lives alone and so do I and I’m going to spend more time with her.
Life is hard. Love,
Cannonball
- Failure? No. Absolutely not. If she was keeping her habit from you, how could you have known? Her habit is on her, not you.
You're all right, mate.Continuity - Here's a fact: you can't solve her problem for her. She needs to want it. And if she doesn't want it, there will be nothing you or her sister or mother orContinuity
- ... brother can do to help. I promise you this.Continuity
- Also, RIP your mum's dog. That's so hard when a pet leaves us, Sigh.
Good to spend more time with her.Continuity - You need to tell everyone. It's not your secret, your shame: it's hers. Until I learned this with my alcoholic husband nothing changed—for years. Tell everyone.i_monk
- Text them today.i_monk
- Not out of malice, but to let them know what's been going on. She won't change until she hits bottom, which means ripping away the facade of normalcy.i_monk
- Similar situation over here but no drugs just trauma and it's consequences. Work on yourself: Eat well, exercise, catch yourself thinking about her and stop it,shapesalad
- focus less on a big future goal and more on everyday things you can chip away at that one day will make any goal happen, eg learning something.shapesalad
- Hit the gym and focus on getting super in shape and healthy, feeling physically great really boosts a positive mindset.shapesalad
- Sorry to hear this. If you still love her then a good thing to do is to tell her family so they can help her.microkorg
- hang in there cannonball!!!utopian
- Get. Dr. Paul Conti's book called Trauma. Read it to understand her, then get her to read it.shapesalad
- I don't much like i_monk's advice here, but I can't see anything wrong with it either. Sorry, Cannonball - I can't timagine how I'd deal with this situation xNairn
- Get out! Don’t look back. People need to love themselves before being able to love another. It’s a dead end brother. I am sorry.dibec
- Good for you to spend more time with your mom. I should do the same.milfhunter
- Find a local 'Animal Flow' class and join, or follow at home with YT videos: https://www.youtube.…shapesalad
- Narin—until I stopped covering for him, outed his drinking to family and colleagues, it was only getting worse. And it wasn't my burden to bear.i_monk
- He's just passed 800 days sober, cumulatively nearly 1200 days, with a slip-up after his first year sober.i_monk
- lol "Narin" sorryi_monk
- <3garbage
- Failure? No. Absolutely not. If she was keeping her habit from you, how could you have known? Her habit is on her, not you.