Getting older and working in design
Out of context: Reply #35
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- CrimsonGhost10
Thank you all for your support and sharing your experiences. It really means a lot to me. (And I thought this place was just for downvoting Gerorges photo choices...I kid)
@bklyndroobeki I watched the video. I like what Brandon says about duration and weight we give to our negative thoughts. Believe me when I say I don't wish to stay down.
A little about me: I left home at 16, put myself through university and have lived a life doing what I want despite friends, family and acquaintances telling me I can't. "You can't make it as an artist, that's a stupid profession. Haven't you heard of starving artists?" "You can't get a tattoo," "You can't ride a motorcycle" etc etc etc. What that means is THEY can't or THEY'RE afraid to. People will always try to live their lives and fears out through you and I've always lived my life tuning them all out.
I live for being hyper creative, 41 and still hungry for new trends, scribbling in my sketchbook or taking photos. Shit, before digital and camera phones I'd blow so much money on getting photos of random crap that inspired me in that moment developed.
I have defined myself my entire life as an artist. The thought of working at something like stocking shelves is a Hell I'm trying very hard not to sentence myself to. NOT that there's anything wrong with those jobs at all, but I've always wanted to be passionate about what I do. I'm the jerk that goes to the movies and names the fonts while looking at the ads they show before the trailers, or cringes when he looks at a menu that's poorly kerned. Where else but our world would have me?
Having a job of 15 years fall out from under me was a huge blow. After which came constant and repeated feelings of rejection, irrelevance and being inconsequential that have been chipping away at me. I started freelancing and tried "faking it til I made it" but those core feelings of being a 41 year old out of work art director and web developer are like a cancer that have been eating me alive.
Depression is an entirely different animal altogether. I thought I could pull out of it on my own, that if I told anyone what I was going through I would be considered weak or broken. My doctor repeatedly tells me its a disease that needs to be treated, like diabetes, that you can't just will away, and I should say "Thank god, there's a pill that's keeping me from jumping out a window." I haven't reached that level of acceptance yet but I'm trying.
I'm working very hard at getting myself back to a healthy place so I can pull out of this nosedive. So my brain can work again rather than feel like somebody grabbed the emergency brake and is holding it in a vice like grip.
I apologize if I've made this thread about me. I hope some of my experiences can in some way help. If any of you are dealing with similar dark or negative thoughts, please know you're not alone and there IS help.
Again, thank you all so much.
- It takes courage to admit what you're going through and to reach out to others. As you're now seeing, it's in every one of us as well.Gucci
- Nicely stated.
I wish you the best moving forward CGRamanisky2 - You are definitely not alone. I understand completely what you write.SimonFFM
- ... I almost hate to do this but i hate this new culture of internet pussies. grow some balls, quit being irrationally emo and evaluate your values. ALL yourdeathboy
- answers you search for exist in your posts if u are a llittle more self awaredeathboy
- i'll tune you up. i clearly see your problems if u REALLY want to see them. Paragraph 5 first sentence clearly shows your level of disillusionment. hit me updeathboy
- Certified.set