Excerpts from my memoirs
Out of context: Reply #17
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- flavorful0
Thursday, 12th March 1998
Dear Diarrhea,
So my Homeroom Teacher gave me detention yesterday, and I yet again hit the number to get an automatic suspension. Which in itself is quite a feat because I technically only see him 15 minutes a day if I even show up, and I've never had him as a teacher as I was in those dorky advanced English courses when I was a Freshman, and he was the normal Freshman English Teacher.
So instead of getting my suspension [editor's note: which ... I think I was already suspended three times this school year], I was to serve detention in his classroom, and he would come into work early and I would help him grade papers and stuff.
This was a favor he did for me.
So in return, I woke up like I did every morning early as all hell to walk to school and hope for a PAT bus to come along otherwise I'd be walking over a mile to show up at 7AM to normally stare at a wall for an hour but at least this was going to be a little different.
He thanked me for showing up like I said I would because he wasn't sure I was actually going to come, and he proceeded to hand me a stack of papers and an answer key (which I jokingly told him I didn't need ... except I wasn't joking).
I graded teh first few papers to his liking so much and my attention to detail was more than what he expected he never thought once that he had to check my others.
Then I started giving people F's, and crossing out obvious correct answers and putting stuff like, "It's the Hamburglar you fucking dolt.", "Your mother should have swallowed you.", or, "I can't believe it's not butter purple monkey dishwasher!"
And I tried writing like him from what I saw over the years on numerous detention slips he had given me in the past, the actual hand writing.
It worked beautifully I found out in retrospect later in the day.
Kids had no idea what was going on, but were afraid to question him for whatever reason.
Except later on in the day this kid I knew from grade school caused a big stink.
Because I wrote, "Michael, I think you're cute and really want to show you how much I love you. Please stay after school, don't worry about your bus I'll drive you home. Love, Mr. M" A++++++
He was so flabbergasted that he didn't remember that I had graded the papers, and it looked like he wrote it and I tried for that class to leave all the other comments to a minimum so it looked like it was real as opposed to everyone getting funny comments in that class.
Humongous stink.
Short story long Diarrhea, I came forward and said I wrote it as a joke to my friend.
[Editor's Note: Long story short, the teacher in question was never the same.]
I didn't get suspended but now I got a month of detention or something which doesn't matter because I have so many accumulated that I was pretty much in detention every day as it was anyway.
What a jerk though.
I believe I taught him a valuable lesson though.
Don't trust Jerome with anything.
[Addendum Monday, 13th April 1998]
Dear Diarrhea,Apparently when I wrote, "Don't trust Jerome with anything." a few weeks back, that actually meant for Mr. M to not trust any student in the entire school and transferred out.
Well, we all thought he was gay anyway.
[Addendum Monday, 20th April 1998]
Diarrhea Face,I just got word that Mr. M has quit the teaching profession entirely. How ridiculous is that?! Some of the teachers here are pretty angry at me, but I don't see how this is my fault. What a flaming bag of douche.
[Addendum Wednesday, 23rd April 2008]
Dearest of Diarrheas,It's been over 10 years and I never heard of that teacher again. I wonder if he's living under a bridge or something.
I can't even remember what the -M stood for in his name.
Maybe he's dead.
Meh.
XOXO,
Fatso- Well, you certainly killed that narrative dead.TheBlueOne
- goddammit reuttiger!7point34