Mall Ninja
Out of context: Reply #8
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- harlequino0
Since I am half drunk and sadly watching the last hours of my week vacation melt away, and also waiting for this animation thing to finish rendering, I began the first scene.
UNTITLED HUNTER THOMPSON/MALL COP PROJECT
*Ed. Note: The reality of the film is one in which Hunter S. Thompson became a mall cop, circa 1998, with right wing satendencies.
EXT. MALL EXIT AND PARKING LOT, DAY.
Officer Gonzo puffs on his cigarette which is secured in a dark plastic holder. He inexplicably wears a visor cap and dark sunglasses. He eyeballs several mall customers as they exit the mall. They are carrying various name brand bags holding their recent purchase.Officer Gonzo calmly pulls a .357 Magnum from his waistband. He aims, and in rapid fire, eviscerates four customers. Mayhem ensues.
PASSERBY
Good God!! Stop!!THOMPSON
Huh?PASSERBY
Are you fucking crazy?! Stop firing!!THOMPSON
(as cool as a cucumber)
Oh that. That's ok, they'll be fine.PASSERBY
They're dead! You killed them, you maniac!!Officer Gonzo removes the spent cigarette from its holder, and screw in a new one.
THOMPSON
Best thing for them, really. Communists, you know. Worst kind. Purists. Carried copies of Dostoyevsky, Marx, and Lennon in their pocket. Notice that it's "Lennon" with an "o-n." That's what 's insane. Fucked midgets on the side for fun.The Passerby continues to rant in horror as Officer Gonzo walks away. We hear his voice over.
THOMPSON VO
Despite the weirdness and constant barrage of vapid consumer diatribe, it was an easy job. I made it very clear to the swine in the head office when I wrote in the "Hobbies" box on the application that I felt "killing commies" was an acceptable and obligatory pastime of the American workforce. Especially on one's lunch hour.
I was preparing to amend my file with "Killing food-court Popeye's employees" within the week.