Girlfriend advise
Out of context: Reply #102
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- AndyRoss0
Well, near as I can tell, everybody has issues. So, saying somebody has issues, is like saying they have a small intestine.
Anyway, I think there are several key things everyone must decide, preferaby in advance, about their relationships:
1) What do you want in a mate, and in a relationship? For instance, do you want someone to live with, and go to the movies with, and have all the same friends with? Or would you really prefer someone to see at weekends to party heavily with, with no further involvements or attachments? Do you want permanent, or do you want temporary? Etc. I mean, you really need to decide if you want the whole hog, or if you just want a few strips of bacon. And you should make clear your goals to the other person.
2) What behavior will you absolutely not tolerate from your mate? Do you care if they have sex with others? Are there people they cannot talk to? Are there certain situations they cannot allow to happen with certain other people? What is the code you expect the other person to follow? If you want to feel happy in a relationship, you have to find someone who will live by your code. Not give lip service to your code, but actually live by it.
And it should be your code. Not Hugh Hefner's, or Sting's, or Jerry Falwell's--your code. If that means you want this, and this, and this fetish, but that one is beyond the pale, and they can sleep with anyone they like as long as they're always ready for you, well, if that's your code, that's your code.
You gotta figure out who you are and what the fuck you want before you can expect someone else to know it, and abide by it.
It's like buying a sweater: you gotta know how you want it to fit before you waste everyone's time trying it on.