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Out of context: Reply #39
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- digitalswarm0
You asked for it.
PART 3
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-------------------------Jeah.
Life with the Ukrainian has been getting weirder and
weirder. She spends 4-5 days a week with her mans and
them in Brighton Beach eating perogis and smoking
Salems, and then on the weekends I make her life an
absolute mess. She bought a white Mazda Miata from an
Armenian in the Bronx, and picks me up in it blasting
either:a) thumping European techno
b) DMX's 2nd album
c) thumping European technoLast week we began studying for our marriage test,
which is in January. I have since found out some
bugged-out stuff about her:1) her father shears sheep for a living and was
arrested for tax fraud and money laundering in 1990.2) she has a sister who was on the Ukranian gymastics
team in the early 90's until she got addicted to
heroin and now works for a milk delivery company in
Kiev. When she told me this I started laughing to
which she threw a lit cigarette at me and called me a
"jew fucker", to which I started laughing even more.3) her favorite food is called "kholodets", which is
Ukrainian for "jelled meats". eww.A couple weekends ago I took her to a party on the
lower east side where my boy was spinning the golden
oldies. She ended up getting blackout drunk off of
Sutter home red wine and starts making out with the
bartender. I got pissed because I've been trying
unsuccessfully to finger her ass for the last 2
months, and she's making out with some dick wearing
the wack mocha Jordan III's and a Weezer t-shirt.
Coincidentally, I was also blackout drunk (off of
Jameson, as usual) and decided to pee on the seats of
her Miata. She comes out of the bar and sits in her
car to smoke a Salem, and realizes she's sitting in a
puddle of urine. I see this and start laughing
hysterically with my goon squad. She goes BANANAS. she
starts hitting me with her fake Gucci purse and
screaming anti-semetic slurs in Ukrainian. I then
tried to hold her back and she peppersprayed me. I'm
not even joking. I layed in the street screaming for
20 minutes until the cops came. and laughed at me.Some other fun tidbits:
-She loves Good N' Plenty Candies. I'm not trying to
hate, but those are the most old-timey and garbage
candies ever.-I forced her to make me dinner one night, so she made
a huge goulash/stew with salted pork in it which I
dumped out the window. She then threw my Clipse CD out
the window. It was hilarious.-She bought a Karl Kani sweatshirt and rocks it. I'm
in love.Tonight she's picking me up in the Miata and we're
going to cruise (with the top down, in 35 degree
weather) to the opening of my man's new winebar in
Brooklyn. I'm sitting here at the computer looking at
the bag of shrooms I'm about to take. Things could get
out of hand.I'm vexed the Hollerboard is done, all you cats are
doing big tings. If anyone wants an invitation to the
wedding, get at me.ps- i almost made out with my first cousin one time. I
had to air that out.