Joke of the Day
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- GeorgesIV0
Russian barman say, "Here is shot of drink for each of you. If you can tells me what is this drink, you can has 5 minute alone in back room with Olga." All three mans is very excite about this!
First Romanian take drink. He smack lips and say, "Taste like..." But before finish, he fall over dead.
Next, Estonian man take drink. He make burp and say, "Taste like..." But he too fall down, now is dead.
Finally, Latvian man take drink and say, "Taste like... chemikal runoff from reactor." Latvia man is drinking these chemikals since he was child. Russian barman say, "Latvia man is winner! Olga is wait for you in back room."
Latvia man go into back room. Is dark. Cold too. Is remind him of home in Latvia. He find light and turn on. He see Olga now. Olga is giant dog with rabies. Olga kill Latvia man, eat him alive. Is slow and painful killing, but struggle for him is end now.
- elahon0
Guy 1: Hey, I think my wife is dead...
Guy 2: Yeah, what makes you think that?
Guy 1: Well, the sex is the same as usual, but the dishes are piling up.
- BusterBoy0
Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and said,
" So why are you here ? "
The yellow Lab replied, "I'm a pisser I piss on everything....the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."
The black Lab said, "So what’s the vet going to do?"
"Gonna cut my nuts off "came the reply from the yellow Lab. "They reckon it'll calm me down."
The Yellow Lab then turned to the Black Lab and asked "why are you here? "
The Black Lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owners' couch."
"So what are they going to do to you?" the Yellow Lab inquired.
"Looks like I'm losing my nuts too," the dejected Black Lab said.
The Black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked, "Why are you here?"
"I'm a humper," said the Great Dane. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away."
The Black and the Yellow Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, it's nuts off for you too, huh?"
The Great Dane said, "No, I'm here to get my nails clipped!"
- bliznutty0
What do you call a German virgin?
Güdentite!
- ):bigtrick
- translate "Güdentite" in english please. Because the word is neither german nor english. Perhaps i will understand and laugh.sandpipe
- "Güdentite" doesn't need to be translated in english. Just say it loud.sephil
- ha he didnt get it lolCygnusZero4
- loool0
Two sculptures of male and a female stood in the park for 50 years. God decides to grant them one hour of life. They immediately ran into the bushes and stayed there for whole hour.
When they came up God smiled and said: "I get the point, and I will grant you one more hour of life!"
The woman said to the man: "Great!!! now YOU hold the pigeon and I'll shit on his head!!!"
- mistermik0
A married couple goes to a marriage counsellor to work out some problems.
The counsellor sits them on the couch and says "For starters, let's talk about something you both have in common." The husband says "Well, neither of us suck dick."
- sem0
Whats big, green and if it falls out of a tree will kill you?
- Stugoo0
Paddy says to Mick,
'Why do SCUBA divers fall backwards into the water?'
Mick replies
'Well if they fell forward they'd hit their heads on the fuckin boat!'
- sem0
True fact, the trampoline was originally called the jumpoline until your mother went on in back in 1976.
- The_archer0
Q. Why do female skydivers wear jock straps?
A. So they don't whistle on the way down.
- scarabin0
one morning in valhalla after a particularly indulgent night of orgy, exhausted gods are suddenly awoken by the great hall's doors slamming open. a giant man enters bearing a massive hammer.
"I'M THOR", he announces, his voice booming.
one of the gods answers, irritated:
"you're thor? i'm tho thor i can barely thit!"
- MSTRPLN0
Man some of these are gold, this is really making Friday bearable
- pablo_280
What do you do with 365 used condoms?
Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
- Khurram0
A gypsy girl goes to the sexual health clinic and says "Dr, I'm 13 years old and still a virgin. I think my brothers might be gay."
^ that's the joke.
- Khurram0
what activity do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
gang rape.
- BuddhaHat0
A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital when during her tour; she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.
'Oh my GOD!!' screamed the woman, 'That's disgraceful!!! Why is he doing that??'
The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, 'I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least 5 times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture.'
'Oh well, in that case, I guess it's ok.' commented the woman.
In the very next room, a male patient was lying in bed and it was obvious that a nurse was performing oral sex on him.
Again, the woman screamed, 'Oh my GOD!! How can THAT be justified?'
Again the doctor spoke very calmly, 'Same illness, but private health cover.'
- Akagiyama2
It was the first day of autumn, and the residents of a Native American reservation asked their new chief if the coming winter would be mild or cold.
This chief had never learned the secrets of his forefathers for predicting the weather. He looked at the acorns on the ground, the moss on the trees, the activity of the squirrels. He didn’t know what any of it meant for the upcoming winter.
So he called the National Weather Service and asked. They said it was too early to tell.
Being a wise and prudent man, he told his people that the winter was indeed expected to be cold and that they should stock up on firewood to be prepared.
After several days, he called the National Weather Service again. This time, the meteorologist had an answer: yes, it looks like it will be a cold winter.
So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared. They asked if they had enough.
So he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a cold winter?"
"It will be a very cold winter," the meteorologist said.
The chief went back to his people and said they didn’t have enough, they needed even more! They set out gathering all the wood they could find, and again they asked: enough?
The chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the meteorologist replied. "Perhaps one of the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the chief asked.
“Because the Indians are collecting firewood like crazy!”
- handle0
How do you know when you are at a gay bbq?
... Hotdogs taste like sh!#!
- i see what you did there...74LEO
- i like how you censored yourself. you are so moral.iCanHasQBN
- funny beyond funny74LEO
- lol@canhasbigtrick