girl help
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- flavorful0
Actually, sometime last year I wrote jevad a series of guidelines to sha sha. I'll see if I can dig them up for you, as I know I saved it for posterity's sake.
- Fariska0
this whole thread should be anthologized
- flavorful0
Okay, for those of you who did not think I was a complete scum bag do not read this post.
[fourthgen] (et all),
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This whole dating scene has eluded me since grade school. I never really saw the reason for dating someone exclusively and found that friends with benefits, and the like, were a lot better. Most of these techniques I use, you have to have some sort of moral flexibility, and also be willing to not have any type of feelings for anyone else but yourself or they will not work.I attribute my attitude to everything on an almost crippling fear of rejection that I had growing up, and a pretty ridiculous set of circumstances. Now the fear of rejection I have is always there, but I found that if I just don’t get into relationships I can’t get hurt ... so without further adieu...
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Most of these techniques I use, you have to have some sort of moral flexibility, and also be willing to not have any type of feelings for anyone else but yourself or they will not work.01. Tell all of your friends (guys) under 5’10’’ to fuck off and die. They are not worth having as friends (there are exceptions, some exceptions, but very few). Presence anywhere is everything. If you look like you are hanging out in Munchkin Land, you might as well be talking and dancing like you represent the Lollipop Guild.
02. Also, always look like you are having the time of your life (even if you are not), because everyone wants to have the time of their lives so you should convince them by having them convince themselves that by hanging out with you, the distinct possibility of having fun are very real.
03. Dress completely different than everyone else you are with. If all your friends are wearing dress shirts and the like, wear a t-shirt. If your friends are all wearing hoodies, rock a tie. Stand out. Always look like you either take your look incredibly serious, or not at all. Both ends of the spectrum are fine, the middle ground is not.
04. Have almost unattainable standards. Personally, I would rather be alone one nite/weekend then talk to a girl I would ever regret. I joke that I only talk to girls thare are 8, 9 or 10’s on my 1-10 scale. And that an 8 on my scale would be a 14 on anyone else’s. (This also works well because then you can make fun of your friends relentlessly and forever about some of the girls they hook up with, because they can not do the same to you.) P.S. See #8.
05. If afterwards you find that a girl has hotter friends, do not drop her like a bad habit (remember she is still going to be great looking) but behind her back do whatever you can until you run that well dry. Afterwards you are in a very unique position (which more than likely ends horribly ... for them, but sometimes it ends fantastically for you as well [worth the gamble in my book]).
06. Act like you are better than everyone else. I can not stress this enough. Make fun of everyone that is not you, or the person you are talking to. This works in three ways: First, it shows you have a sense of humour (oh yea mask it with humour, mask everything with humour, haha), Secondly, it shows that you only surround yourself with people you feel are in a certain kind of upper echelon, Thirdly, you can tell rite away what type of person she is and how much time you should spend on her (if you even have that choice after some of your comments).
07. If girls want the rite to vote, and be treated as equals in the work place ... they should not expect to have their drinks paid for. Never pay for anyone’s drinks unless you know for sure the favour will be returned. I met girls that were notorious for forgetting their purses in their car, or at the girlfriends house - this is just a ploy (and easily noticed). The first thing you do at that point is forget about them and then laugh later at some other sucker. Also it shows that they do in fact have money, and nine times out of ten do something for income.
08. If you find out later on that the girl was fat in grade/high school, or that they had any work done ... they are dead to you. Always think about the fact that you may end up having kids with them for better or worse. If you are going to hook up, only hook up with the opposite sex that would provide a great looking son/daughter. I have even told some girls that the only reason I talked to them was because they looked like they could hold their own in photos with me. You think that would not work? By all accounts it should not, but it is though ass-backwards compliments that for some unknown reason works (also do it with humour, then they do not know if you are kidding or not because seriously who would want to ever be with someone that narcissitic?)
09. Set goals. Set goals. Set goals. This whole, when you least expect it it falls in your lap shit is for suckers. You should have a best friend who you can trust with your life, to spur you on and challenge you. Healthy competition is great competition. Make goals for the year, the season and the month.
10. This may sound the cheesiest, but girls with boyfriends are fantastic. For one, someone else in the world thinks highly enough of them to date them singularly, so that is some brownie points. And behind every girl, is some guy tired of railing her.
***
My cousin (see #9) added this after reading this, and I think it can go in with #2, haha:At any point in the night someone might be noticing you, so make sure that you don’t make a face you don’t want anyone who might be noticing you to notice.
- What a load of bolloxKhurram
- hahaha this is yours?megE
- Haha yea, I wrote it for jevad when he was getting back "in the scene" in April of 2007 apparently, haha.flavorful
- #s 2 and 3 are great. i try to explain this to my single male friends but they just don't get it.
sputnik2 - yo! I'm under 5'10" bitch!OSFA
- YOU ARE DEAD TO ME!flavorful
- jimzyk0
draw a picture of her.
draw a picture of you.
make them have the sex.
post it to her.
see what she does.... or doesn't...
- Khurram0
eugh, the amount of loser faggotry that flows out of flavorful's mouth...
TonyMac on page 4 is the only one with ANYTHING decent to say in here.
Also, my 2cents - dude, why the fuck are you cooking for her? Do you know how awkward pressurised that is for a chick when she clocks you trying to "seduce" her with all these Walt Disney moves???
How you touch her, playful gradual escalation, sexual tension, push pull, self-amusement all you gotta do. But your fucked, you put waaaay too much stock in this one girl and you're gonna behave differently cos she matters to you so much, and she's gonna sense that, and it'll be awkward. Abundance mentality is key. Show her the world through YOUR eyes.
- 2cents, you say? hmmm...madirish
- Haha to my credit, it was a joke and the text file is saved as, "Worst_Advice_Ever_f...flavorful
- Well, partial joke I guess. I do stand by mostly everything.flavorful
- ha, ok, didn't realise it was a joke :DKhurram
- i take that back. Your full of shit.Khurram
- hahahaahflavorful
- that's some sexual tension right there... see fourthgen?OSFA
- kona0
fourthgen's
fourthgen's evil conscience: Fuck her. Fuck her brains out. Suck her tits, squeeze her buns. You know she wants it.
fourthgen's good conscience: For shame! Fourthgen, I'm surprised at you!
fourthgen's evil conscience: Aw, don't listen to that jack-off. Look at those gazongas. You'll never get a better chance.
fourthgen's good conscience: If you lay one finger on that poor sweet helpless girl, you'll despise yourself forever... I'm proud of you, Fourthgen.
fourthgen's evil conscience: YOU HOMO.
- Khurram0
Also, as we were talking about Russell Brand today I'd like to offer some advice from his Bookie Wook:
"When I was eleven, I got a gerbil, Barney. It was not a popular purchase, nor was it easily achieved. It was like a dogged Greenpeace campaigner - dedicatedly fighting for what I believed in against equally resolute opposition. In a way, having to lobby so relentlessly to secure a pet set me in a good stead in later life when seducing pious women. 'Please take your bra off! Please?' 'Can I see your bottom? Oh go on?' By puberty I had learned that nothing worth having could be easily attained and to succeed one must be single-minded. By my twenties I would relish the challenge of chaste maids and the search for the correct combination of words to decode their moral resistance. Jumping through hoops, ducking questions, feigning indifference to sex. 'I'm not bothered about sex, we can just cuddle.' The nobstacle course, I call it. Perhaps worryingly there was a corollary between getting my hands on rodents as a boy and boobies as a man."
The point here is ONE dogged presistence, and TWO complete abandonment of ego - i.e you are relentlessly chasing her boobies, unapologetically and you don't CARE about rejection, cos nothing what a girl thinks of you sexually has any baring on your identity. Driven by pure desire and if you fail you jsut don't give a flying FUCK.
- dan53820
fuck it all tell everyone at work how she sucked you off and then she'll be forced to do it cause everyone already knows she did. (i dont think that made sense, fuck it who cares i am without coffee right now)
- OSFA0
so..... any plans for tonight?
Should we order pizza??
- SteveJobs0
just call her and tell her how you feel:
- pr20
so since she's finding out about your desperate attempts can i suggest bringing up anal sex on the first makeout session?
- sureshot0
she is not going to find out..she wont google: girl help.
so please nobody post his email here in public..otherwise the shit will hit the van for schnitzel.
- Jnr_Madison0
Let's hope she's not crap in bed after all this build up.
- or even worse - the crying game!SteveJobs
- hhahahahaJnr_Madison
- hahahmirrorball
- Or afterward, craps in the bed.flavorful
- MrOneHundred0
Slow and steady wins the race. I know guys who did all the sleeping around, the mind-games, the asshole route all the way. They are now the guy who is nearing 40 trying to pick up the 18 year-old chicks and getting laughed at. I may have failed on the chick scene my fair share of times, but I was NEVER laughed at. Now that I’m married, these are the guys who can be found crying into their drinks and saying “all I want is what you’ve got”.
- we all know turning gay helped you, but is he into that?keming
- no, he’s not. Well, not yet, anyway.MrOneHundred
- rafalski0
Obviously, you're not watching Californication, MrOneHundred!
- No, but I hear about it from the single people.MrOneHundred
- OSFA0
So..... any updates?
has he been arrested already?