Jokes
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- bliznutty0
what is the difference between a prostitute with diarrhea and an epileptic oyster shucker?
One shucks between fits :)
- monoboy0
A man and a chimp walk into a bar.
Man sits down, orders a beer. Chimp runs over to one of the tables and steals a burger out of a customers hands and eats it. Chimp then jumps over to the pool table, picks up the eight ball and swollows it.
The barman freaks out and asks them both to leave. The man apologises, pays for the guys burger and leaves.
Next day, the man and chimp come back to the restaurant. He promises to the barman that his chimp will behave this time.
No sooner has he said this, the chimp runs over to another table and grabs a chip off another customers plate.
Chimp looks at it, sticks it half way up it's arse, pulls it out and eats it.
Barman says, 'what's wrong with that filthy animal'.
Man says, 'Well ever since the incident with the 8 ball, he checks everything first to make sure'.
- M0NEYCIDE0
what's brown and sticky?
A stick.
- fooler0
A naked blond walks into a bar, with a poodle under one arm, and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says, "I suppose you won't be needing a drink." The naked lady says.....
I forgot my pencil!
- Crouwel0
i don't get it.
but i also just woke up 15 minutes ago.
- Witt0
why do jewish men get circumcised?
jewish women like everything 15% off.
Crouwel
(Jul 26 07, 08:34)AAHAHAHAH! now you've done it.
- Jaline0
Crouwel, that baby one was awesome.
- TheBlueOne0
The priest entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The priest was so pleased with the donkey that he
entered in another race and it won again.
The local paper read: PRIEST'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity
that he ordered the priest not to enter the donkey in
any more races.The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP
SCRATCHES THE PRIEST'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the
priest to get rid of the donkey.
The priest decided to give it to a nun in a nearby
convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the
following headline: NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would
have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a
farmer for $10.The next day the headlines read: NUN SELLS HER ASS FOR
$10.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the
nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the high
plains where it could run free.The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS
IS WILD AND FREE.
Alas ... The Bishop was buried the next day.
MORAL OF THE STORY?
Being concerned about public opinion can bring you
much grief and misery and even shorten your life.
So, be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about
everyone else's ass and you'll live longer.
- Crouwel0
Crouwel, that baby one was awesome.
Jaline
(Jul 27 07, 09:34)yeah made me giggle uncontrollably as well. what is it with people and sick sick jokes? they still always work..
:)
- bliznutty0
so these 2 middle easterners move to america and make a bet on who can become the most americanized within 1 year. so they both go do their thing and meet back up a year later. the first guy says: 'i am going pick my son up from baseball practice, then we are going to mcdonalds for dinner, and then i'm going home to watch monday night football.' and then the second guy says: 'well fuck you - you towel-headed terrorist'
- M0NEYCIDE0
What's the difference between Bush and Hitler?
Hitler can speak better english.
- bliznutty0
What's the difference between Bush and Hitler?
they like Hitler in Asia...
- grunttt0
a young polar bear came home from school one day and asked his parents, "Am i a polar bear?" they say "Of course you're a polar bear."
the next day the young polar bear came home from school and asks his parents "Are both of you polar bears?" to which they reply, "Of course we're both polar bears."
The next day the young polar bear came home from school and asks his parents, "Were both of your parents polar bears?" to which the parents reply "Of course they were polar bears - why on earth do you keep asking these questions!?"
"Because I'm Freezing!"
- automaticAb0
I heard some comedian say...
He was standing in line and it was so hot another guys balls were stuck to his leg.
Daaaaaaaaam!
- rafalski0
Bono, lead singer of the rock band U2, is famous throughout the
entertainment industry for
being more than just a little self-righteous.
At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for
total quiet. Then, in silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds.Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, "Every
time I clap my hands,
a child in Africa dies."A voice with a broad Scottish accent from the front of the crowd pierced
the quiet . . .
"Well, foockin stop doin it then, ya evil bastard!"
- 7340
what has 2 legs and bleeds profusely?
--half a cat
- thumb_screws0
whats yellow and eats nuts?
syphilis
- bliznutty0
---- No Speaka Da Englis ----
A bus stops and two Italian men get on.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.. "In this country.... we don't speak aloud in pubic places about our sex lives......... "
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."