Jokes
- Started
- Last post
- 49 Responses
- TheBlueOne
Share 'em if you got 'em.
-------------------------A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He
reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He
descended a bit more and shouted,"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I
would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I
am."The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon
hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground.
You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and
between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.""You must be in Information Technology," said the
balloonist."I am," replied the woman, "how did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told
me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to
make of your information and the fact is I'm still
lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If
anything, you've delayed my trip."The woman below responded, "You must be in
Management.""I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you
know?""Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are
or where you're going. You have risen to where you
are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a
promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you
expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The
fact is you are in exactly the same position you were
in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
- jox0
Hahah! That was a good one!
- Witt0
God was alone in the wilderness at the end of the Universe, sadly looking at the mishaps of His creation, wondering where it went wrong.
Suddenly He hears a voice from above:
THAT WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED TO ME, MY FRIEND...
and God gasps:
- AND WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!
The voice replies:
- ME?
I AM MOURINHO!
- hiatus0
wat did the lil black kid get on his S.A.T.s
-BBQ sauce
- hiatus0
why spanish people wrap there tamales up??
so they have something to unwrap for christmas. :D
- murphy0
Did you hear about the tempura half-way house?
Its for lightly battered women.
- hiatus0
why dont woman need to wear watches........?
cause theres a clock on every stove. :)
just jokes...guys:)
- Crouwel0
A psychiatrist is conducting a study on addictions, and in his office he has a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde.
He turns to the brunette and says "It appears as though you have an addiction to money. If you want proof, just look at your daughter. You named her Penny".
He then turns to the redhead and says "It seemas though YOU are addicted to sweets. if you want proof, just look at your daughter. You named her Candy".
Before he could turn to the blonde though, she leaned down to her son and said "Come on Dick... lets get out of here."
- Crouwel0
"Dwight! Hey is it me or does this place smell like updog?"
"What's up dog?"
"Gotcha! Hahaha, oh god... crap. Nothin', how you doing?"
- Crouwel0
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To escape the Nazis.
- Witt0
Why do the Brits have warm beer?
Nobody knows. :)
- Crouwel0
the following are really offensive and i did not make them up.. don't shoot the messenger
are you sure you want to read them?
ok here we go:
Q: What do pakis weigh ?
A: sweets.Q: How do you stop nigger kids bouncing on the bed ?
A: put velcro on the ceiling.Q: what did jesus say to the mexicans before he died?
A: dont do anything till i get backQ: How do you stop an Arab from drouning ?
A: take your foot off his head.sorry.
*hangs head in shame
- yowsers...citizen_h
- dude, keep it to yourself.sleepyfatso
- racistflashbender
- Crouwel0
ok, one more, as if things couldn't get any worse:
it's april 1st and a woman is having a baby. when the baby is finally born, the doctor looks at it, smiling for a few seconds, and then starts bashing it against a wall and throwing it all around the room. the woman gets a look of terror on her face and starts screaming, "my baby! my baby! what are you doing to my baby?!!!" the doctor drops the baby on the ground and starts laughing so hard that he can't even talk. when he finally catches his breath he says, "haha, april fools! it was already dead!"
- Crouwel0
why do jewish men get circumcised?
jewish women like everything 15% off.
- meffid0
why are pirates so popular?
they just ARRRRRGGGGH!
- meffid0
Where do pirates shop?
ARRRRGOS
- BaskerviIle0
man goes into a fruit salad...
- blaw0
good lord, that didn't go very well at all.
:\
- Crouwel0
*yawn