The Parlor
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- locustsloth0
Carnation Milk is the best in the land
Here i sit with a can in my hand
No tits to pull, no hay to pitch
Just pnch a hole in the son of a bitch- a poem dating back to 1900
My mom taught it to me when i was a kidlocustsloth
- a poem dating back to 1900
- locustsloth0
Good morning , my little haven of nothingness. i harken back to the Sunday mornings of my youth, when my father would drag me to church. i actually had some times where i enjoyed it, enjoyed the mythology, the pagentry. But most times i was bored out of my skull.
It's one of the first places where i remember drawing. My mother would give me a small spiral notepad and a pencil and i would draw the cars from Dukes of Hazzard.
Later in life, when my parents would go away, they would leave my half-brothers and sisters in charge. They also loathed church so one of them would go there and grab a program or bulletin or whatever they gave out and bring it back. We had "proof" of "going" to church without the boredom and hassle of actually going.
Once, my mother and father arrived at home and were walking upstairs to the second floor. i emerged from a room, excited about my fun weekend and blurted out "Yeah, and we didn't even go to church, we just got a bulletin!!"
For a short time i believe my half-sibling loathed me as much as they did the church
- locustsloth0
HAHAH, thanks!! :)
i'm glad you all liked my little story. i got a million of them. And i usually tell them more than once so you'll have PLENTY of time to crochet that car cover for your H2 Hummer. No, don't worry about the doors. They're locked from both sides
- locustsloth0
i played music with this guy when i went to school in FL for a year. Probably one of the most fulfilling musical experiences i've had. Musically, he was above me in skill level, but not so much that he thought my ideas were pish. We really made some cool tunes together.
Anyway, that was 10 yrs ago. But now he has this FANTASTIC band called Gas Station Robbers (that's their music you hear on infinate repeat here in the Parlor). Really realy cool stuff. They got a song on this season's The Real World (caled Dreams are Dead). Hopefully it goes somewhere for them. If you're interested all their music is available for download at www.gasstationrobbers.com for FREE.And by the way, i WILL continue to post to myself ad infinitum untl... well, infinitum
- that'd be
www.gasstationrobber…...
(no s on the end)locustsloth
- that'd be
- 7point340
haha
*waves at locust- wha.. who... WHO'S THERE!?!? My hands were in my pants to keep them warm!!locustsloth
- locustsloth0
i want a "You weren't really even being considered" sticker. It'll feature a vet patting a dog on the head; the dog, wagging his tail and staring up at the vet with affection, has no idea he's about to be euthanized.
- locustsloth0
i have this odd affinity for desolation, despair, and destitution.
My earliest recollection of this was when, as a child, i would walk around my neighborhood. It was in a suburb of Albany, NY, but at the end of a dead end road, in this kind of circle thing where there were houses on teh inside and outside of the circel. About 20 houses in all.
Surrounding this neighborhood was woods, with sandy roads that followed the powerlines. i distinctly remember standing in the middle of the road, 3 or 4 friends around me, in the middle of a hot, bright summer. We were trying to track down a stray dog that wasn't ours. i stood opposite one of those sand access roads and felt a pang of belonging. Dirty, hot, sand blowing, deserted (there were no houses at this particular part of the neighborhood). And while it scared me a bit for my mind to be transported into that headspace, it was somewhat comforting. It was wild west. It was surviving on what you had.
However i fear that it's created a dip in the table of life. As much as i push to get away, it seems i'm always drawn to that place of desperation. Except, now that i have people to take care of, staring into the face of it paralyzes me with fear.
i almost think i was meant to be alone. I'm most creative when i'm pining or lonely and depressed. i have little regard for my outward appearance, instead living inside my head most of the time.
i have no conclusion for this diatribe.
- dropdown0
I find your ideas intriguing and would like to subscribe to your newsletter
*nods head as though I've been paying attention.
- *waves Jedi hand in front of dropdown
These are NOT the ideas you are looking for.locustsloth
- *waves Jedi hand in front of dropdown
- dropdown0
These are not the ideas I'm looking for.
- *waves Jedi hand in front of dropdown again
You want to get me a Fish-wichlocustsloth - *barfsdropdown
- THAT"S NOT WHAT I SAID TO DO!!locustsloth
- *waves Jedi hand in front of dropdown again
- 7point340
HAHAHAHAHAHA
completely dead about the fishwich
- It's from the Jedi Talent Agent skit from The State.
Classiclocustsloth
- It's from the Jedi Talent Agent skit from The State.
- locustsloth0
Well, the fishwich thing didn't work. i KNEW i shouldn't have bought this severed Jedi hand at the Tatooine Church Bazaar.
- locustsloth0
For much of my life i have been known as the Nice Guy, the Well-Meaning guy. i was voted Nicest Personality in high school (suckers).
An odd phenomenon that tags along with this mantle is other's perception of this kindness as feeble or the propensity to treat me with kid-gloves.
For example, i had made the decision to go to a tade school in FL. This meant that i would have to drive from Central-western Vermont to FL so i could transport all my clothes and other necessities.
i was having a phone conversation with one of my friends shortly before i was slated to leave and he said that he and another friend thought they should tag along. That they didn't think i would make it. i got really pissed at that. Sure, they were concerned, but i was a fuckin adult.
Well, i made it down there AND back. i still harbor a bit of resentment for that assumption that was made in that phone call
- dropdown0
I had the strangest craving for a fishwich at 3am last night. I got up and rode my neighbors kids bike to McPigs in my underwear to get one. The odd thing is... I don't even like fishwiches.
- HUZZZAH!!!!
No one ever expects time-released Jedi Mind tricks!!!locustsloth - Now if i can just find that hand i threw out last night, we'll be all setlocustsloth
- one of the QBN members is using it to pleasure themselves... I won't say who.dropdown
- say. no. more.
Your allusions speak for themselves. i'll be sure to capture the aroma when it returns in a baggie and FedEx it to youlocustsloth - in a baggie and FedEx it to youlocustsloth
- * when it returns, ratherlocustsloth
- wetnap?dropdown
- HUZZZAH!!!!
- locustsloth0
So i wonder how many people actually pop by this thread on a regular basis. There's my pathetic ass of course. dropdown and 7.34 stop by occasionally to point and laugh. juhls and salisae stroll by every once in a while.
Given all this, i am torn between envisioning myself as a craggly old-timer in a corderoy jacket, puffing a pipe and making observations about his life and the world.
or
as the shabbily clothed homeless guy on the grate in front of the laundromat constantly spewing his stream of conscious babble.YOU. MAKE. THE. CALL!!!
- locustsloth0
Until last October, i had been employed, part-time at the very least, by the same studio since 1999. Family health issues and that studio changing locations led me to reduce the number of hours that i worked at the studio, then to the point where i was working completely from home.
In the meantime, last year i applied for a freelance job on a freelance website and won it. They've been keeping me busy for over a year.
But then, almost simultaneously, they petered out to varying degrees. i haven't done anything for the studio since Oct and the freelance client has restricted my monthly hours due to his own financial situation.
i say all that to say this (ok, there's a bit of internet-self therapy going on too, but mostly to say) i have NO CLUE whether i'm any good at anything i do. i suspect i'm a fraud and a hack. The studio i worked at was not completely professonal and the freelance client is coming from a different video guys who, it seems to me, is barely phoning it in. So while my client raves about my work, they have got a distorted baseline to compare it to.
What's worse is that i don't want to let other people here to see my work as they very well may confrim what i fear. AND THEN WHAT!!!
At least i have tthis nice hidey-hole of a parlor to cower in- everyone feels this way. you are not alone7point34
- That's what i figured. But for some people it must be true, right?locustsloth
- dropdown0
I for one feel that way at all times. I blame it on the fact that I don't live in an artistically rich city, and only have QBN and the internet to open my eyes to the wonders and intricacy of design. I've managed to stay in a full-time in-house job for an organization that has nothing to do with the design field, but which needed a website and someone to watch over it. This pays my bills, and allows me to slowly start to take on freelance design work (web work for the most part, but I'd love to venture out). All in an effort to build a semi-descent portfolio so that I may one day be allowed to work for a firm, or god willing open my own.
I too am happy to have the parlor to hide in.
*slams liquid cocaine shot.- this is me as well, with the exception of a semi-decent portfolio7point34
- If you have the liquid cocaine, what's in the bottle i've been swigging from?!?!locustsloth
- pure uncut 'H'dropdown
- dropdown0
I've got a couple of ideas for some posters I wanna have printed and hang on my home office wall. A few things blocking me right now.
1) minimal knowledge in the area of printing process.
2) can't get to grips with a nice grid structure.
3) I think I want spot varnishes, but have no clue if printers in my area are capable of it.
4) $$$- just buy one of the kitty hanging from the tree and be done with itlocustsloth
- And as little as you know about all these things, i know less, or else i'd offer my sage advicelocustsloth
- who told you about my hanging kitty poster idea?!?!?dropdown
- dropdown0
Oh no he didn't!
http://www.qbn.com/topics/441052…- The woodpile one is both amazingly cool and, to someone who owns a woodstove, utterly pointlesslocustsloth
- locustsloth0
Sometimes i have imaginary arguements with people. For instance, there's a childhood friend of mine on facebook who i've added as a friend, but haven't spoken to, emailed, or seen in 20 yrs. His info says he's conservative, was in the army, and every once in a while he becomes a "fan" of Bill O'Reilly or San Hannity or some nonsense.
This morning, IN MY HEAD, i had a 15min argument over same sex marriage. Still pissed at the motherfucker.
- dropdown0
I argue with my wife in my head all the time. I've come to realize that it's a defense mechanism I use to go through every possible outcome if the fight actually materializes. I think it's saved my ass a few times from saying something in the moment that might make things worse.
- Yup, this is a thing i do as well, though it's terrible when i'm all grumpy from the imagined fightlocustsloth
- HAHA i do this too.7point34