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There once was a guy who heard from somewhere there was an orchid so large you could fuck it, so he went looking for it in the jungle. So he took a plane, and since there isn't any jungle left he found it after a day or so, and it was really beautiful and large so he fucked it and it was great, and he picked some to take home so now there aren't any left so don't bother, the end.
This reminds me of a quick life story,
sorry for the mistakes, I'm writing on my phone.
fifteen years ago I met a girl on icq, we quickly hit it off and started to chat daily. After a week of constant chatting we started to trade photos, then phone numbers. After a while I got more secure of myself and asked her if she wanted to meet in real life, you have to realize I was a young bloke and my hormones were pretty much firing the fuck up. I also wanted to get laid for the first time.
We met up at the local mc donalds, spent the afternoon laughing over mc nuggets and slurpies, it was like we've known each others for our entire lifetime. She told me her parents were working and if I wanted to go back to her place to play some metroid (god fuckn win). we get to her place and start making out as soon as the door closes behind us, she brings me to her room, I've got the biggest virgin hard on I've ever got, we kiss, play a bit, she tells me she's nervous, I tell her the truth that Iv'e no clue what I'm doing too,
we keep on kissing for what seemed life forever, I get the courage to put my hand on her area down there, it was so wet and slimy, (god thinking about it, it was pretty stressing), she doesn't stop me, asks me if I can turn of the light, i agree, we get naked and spend what seemed like an hour making some of the most akward sex ever, I finally blow my load on her belly and lay down panting besides her. I'm happy to finally have done it, I get closer to her and asked her if she too had enjoyed it, she movesr herself in my arms and tells me that is was really fantastic while blushing and slowly lean closer and ask me if I could lend her three fiddy. I turn on the light and realize the girl of my dream is really the goddaamm loch ness monster, I had just lost my virginity to a scaly monster from a lost time period. I scream godddammit loch ness Monster, I ain't gonna give you no tree fiddy!