Pet Diaries
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- discoduro
WHAT PETS WRITE IN THEIR DIARIES.
Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary...
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary...
Day 983 of my captivity...
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
objects.. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates
and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell so he is safe. For now.............
- fooler20
I see you get the same lame jokes in your inbox that my step mother forwards to me
- epic_rim0
zzzzZZZ
- dMullins0
Man, this is the worst thread of the day. I think I read this email back in 1999.
- benfal990
actually, i think its kinda funny.
i liked it.
- woodygoestohollywood0
I remember reading that before, and it reminded me of the time when i was 9 and we had a cat "oatmeal" and a bird "freddie."
I came home from school one day and oatmeal had knocked the cage down, and strewn throughout the house were feathers, a little blood, a talon, and freddie's head.
Thanks for re-posting the e-mail. Thanks for letting me relive that memory.
Oatmeal was pretty bad ass.
- your name is too longsection_014
- i don't carewoodygoestohollywood
- whereRI0
i liked it.
- nicole_marie0
the vomit part made me laugh, considering my cat seems to ONLY vomit on the 2 rugs i own. hardwood would be to easy.
- ALL the cats prefer to puke on rugs. God knows why.benfal99