Official 2007 MLB Thread
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- flavorful0
Okay this is long... I just added this at the top to warn you all, haha:
My one BFF is a Cubs fan, and I ... a staunch Bucco fan (and Yankee, they are my mistress/girlfriend team [the one I get pleasure from as the wife fucking stopped having sex with me years ago, and instead shoves roman candles up my ass and then lights them on fire everytime the season starts).
My cousin at the time was doing a quick stint in Chicago, and him also being a Bucco team (they're his mistress, except the one he gets AIDS from apparently) though it would be a great idea if we came out, crashed at his hotel and watched the Cubs/Pirates series (I think it was the second one a few years back).
Nothing like a road trip. So my buddy drives out to Pittsburgh, we get absolutely blitzed, yadda yadda, almost miss our flight but we make it and everything is great. Meet up with my cousin, I realize I left my bags in the car ... in Pittsburgh. We go out on the town have a great time. Great time consisted of me getting thrown out of 7 bars, them yelling at me incessantly to once in my life think about someone other than myself, hahah. The kind of things only best friends can say to each other and mean, but will still go to the next bar with you because they don't want anything to happen to you based on your antics (which were all hilarious, some people in that town just can't take a joke, or a barrage of them for that matter).
We hit the train back to the hotel, and we are all kind of laughing about what happened, my cousin though is still pretty heated. So I excerabate the situation by saying, "I only care about myself, and that guy." Pointing at him, but slightly to the right of him where I could see my reflection in the window ... just making myself laugh.
Well I wake up in the morning and they are ready to go, and I'm like, "Hold up fucks, I need to take a shower thanks for waking me up."
"For penance you have to find Wrigley Field on your own, we'll be at the bar next to it call us when you get there."
I commend them on the strategic move on their part, and say I will see them in about a half hour - beers are on me at the bar pre-gaming.
Well ... since I had forgotten my clothes, all I have is a white t-shirt left. This is late March/early April ... and yes ... it is snowing (albeit lightly but still fucking snowing). So I trek out to find Wrigley Field, from G-d knows where I was and somehow miraculous make it.
Surprised as I was, they had a big cheer going for me as I entered the bar all was completely forgotten, hahaha.
We're shooting the shit with the Cubs fans, making fun of Chicago as a city, having a great fun time with everyone busting everyone's balls (as ours were being, haha). I realize, I simply cannot go through an entire game with no sleeves, and I go ... I have to go get a shirt. I don't think they'll have any Pirate Gear though (I'm wearing a Pirate hat).
I walk into this one Cub Store outside the field (turn around ... friends gone yelling, 'SEE YA NEVER, WE'RE GOING IN NOW!' and run off, hahaha), and I am just getting razzed, and boo'ed by everyone. I ... buy a long-sleeve Cub shirt. Because it is just so fucking cold my skin is like purple. Everyone is having a field day, "PIRATE FAN CAN'T TAKE THE COLD!", "FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!", "GET OUT OF OUR STORE!" ... and it as this point in time that I am realizing the happy-go-lucky fans I was with at the bar ... are long gone and now I am in some serious trouble, hahah.
So what do I do? I get my receipt and go ... "Hey, all of you stay right here, I'll be right back."
... I run off to a convenient store. Buy a huge sharpie ... turn the shirt inside out and write:
CUCK
THE
FUBBIES
!!!!!!!On the front of it. Waltz right back in the store, and go, "HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW JERKBAGS!!!"
Some people laughed hysterically, some people had no idea what was going on, and some people started heading directly towards me, so I left to go get lost in the crowd, hahah.
So I'm walking, and this one ticket guy just goes ... "Oh my G-d ... you are going to get killed son come over here." Let's me in some side entrance that was reserved for like people who did not have my ticket, so I didn't have to get in line with the fans.
I am thinking ... "Well, at least I will have gotten to see Wrigley Field before I die."
Also at this point I am realizing, I have no idea where are seats are, and vaguely remember them saying under the scoreboard. So I get up there, and no one is really noticing me, and I can't see them. SO I call and they are like, "No man, we got hooked up look at center field."
I look down.
There they are, 2nd row back dead center. There I am, miles away above them ... and shut my phone off and go, "HEY PETRO!! CHECK OUT MY SHIRT!!! OWWW!!! GO BUCCOS!!!"
Everyone ... and I mean everyone turns, record scratches, pin drops, the whole nine. And I hear back, "THAT'S RITE CUCK THE FUBBIES! CUCK ALL OF YOU FUBBIE FANS!!!"
People now want blood, and I am running down the steps with my arms up, knocking beers out of people's hands, and popcorn - as I'm getting beers and popcorn thrown at me. I get to them and our one Cubs fan friend is absolutely moritified. The Security guy there is going, "Oh boy this is going to be a long game." Laughing it up, as the only 2 Pirate Fans, and the only 2 Pirate Fans who travel anywhere to see the Pirates are being the loudest, most obnoxious people in the entire park, and the game has not even started.
Game is kicking off, and there are actually 4 kids with their shirts off ... with C-U-B-S written on their chests, and they are about a section over, and front row. So I yell over to them ... "HEY .. YOU AND YOU SWITCH PLACES!" they look visibly confused, and unconciously start moving around until one person goes, "DON'T DO THAT YOU FUCKING IDIOTS, THEN IT SPELLS BUCS!" Everyone in within ear shot has a good laugh, and my cousin and I cheers are drinks do a jig and continue spouting of Pirate Propaganda.
Everything kind of dies down, we are ordering 3 beers a piece at a time, living it up as the Buccos are winning for once. And we start noticing more security coming around us. We're having fun with all the fans, for as much beer that they threw at me they laughed as well. I was doing my usual cheers of, "HEY PIRATES REMEMBER YOU HAVE A WINNING RECORD RITE NOW ... BETTER BLOW IT QUICK AGAIN! YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE TO BE HAPPY!" and tons of other self-depricating chants.
Then it hits me. I have to go to the bathroom. And I have a shirt that basically says, "FUCK YOUR TEAM!" We decide to do the buddy system, where my abck gets watched while I piss, and I watch my cousin's back while he pisses, haha. That lasted about 20 seconds as in line he casually asks how many world series have the Cubs won, and we start yelling about how their team sucks, the Pirates have more rings, and basically the Cubs suck, hahah.
A few people took offense to that, my cousin at this point is pissing and turns his hat around yelling, "I WANT EVERYONE TO SEE THE PIRATES LOGO WHILE I PISS ON YOUR TOWN!" However, we are saying everyting in a joking manner and are barely able to get most of what we want to say out without laughing because it's ridiculous. It's absoultely ridiculous to be a Pirate fan and tell anyone from any other team that they suck. The Pirates ar theeeeee worst team in baseball, haha.
Death threats are issued, this one guy is yelling at us ... and I go, "YOU KNOW I CAN BARELY MAKE IT IN THE SINK WITH YOU YELLING AT ME, CAN YOU GIVE ME A SECOND?" As instead of waiting in line, I just decided to piss in the sink. This infuriates the guy, whihc makes no sense, it's not his sink ... obviously no one is washing their hands in my urine. He starts yelling for security, which only eggs us on to single him out, and just berate him incesssantly.
We get back to our seats, our friend tells us he thought about leaving about 100 times, what took us so long, and we tell him ... much to the amsuement of all around us. Now the fans are liking us. "You two are alright, anyone who has the balls to do what you two are doing is okay in my book." The kind of tough love stuff I guess, haha.
... Oh no. Then the Pirates start really winning, hahaha. This only fuels the fire, we are doing all the Pirate chants from PNC Park ... The Security guy now is 2 feet away from us casually letting us know when we have to curtail it a bit, because, "I've worked a lot of games my friends, and I can see it in people's eyes when they are going to get up and start swinging and I am seeing a lot of people like that right now, and they are all looking at you."
hahah, we thank him and quiet down for a bit. Game over ... BUCCOS WIN, THAAAAA BUCCCOOOS WIN!!!!
Security flanks us, as people throw whatever they have at us ... we are not allowed to leave the Field until both sections around us have vacated the premises for our "safety", haha. It was ridiculous.
Well ... short story incredibly long, we go out bar hopping after that and have a great time. However, our flight was late that night, we were going to arrive in Pittsburgh in time to hit up parties! YAY!! So my friend being responsible (Cubs) fan ... G-d bless him. Stops drinking after the game, and just has to put up with us getting progressively drunker, and drunker teh rest of the day.
I black out eventually and wake up ... in Pittsburgh. Sleeping on the chest of the girl next to me. I wake up ... I have been drooling ... all over her. I am laughing going, "Oh man I am so sorry, why didn't you push me off?"
"To be honest, I was happy you and your friend stopped talking to each other. So I just let you sleep."
My cousin and I were about 20 rows away from each other, hahah.
We stumble off the plane, and we go, "hey we should get a cab. We'll come back tomorrow and get your car Jimmy."
He assures us that even though we might not believe it, he stopped drinking like 5 hours ago. He's absolutely fine.
I pass out in the backseat of his car, and wake up to my cousin shoving me going, "hey try to act normal for like 5 minutes."
So ... I immediately start the Martin Short, "Clifford" routine from that movie and start looking at him really weird and talking about how I love dinosaurs ... not noticing the flashing cop lights behind us.
My friend got pulled over.
He's fucking fine though, so we're golden. He passes all the tests, informs the cop he is just tired (from drinking all day [okay he didn't say that]) and the cop goes, "You're free to go, but would you mind taking a breathalyzer?"
Buddy goes, no problem officer.
Blows like a .011 or something.
That "cool" cop turned into a "regular" cop, haha. Handcuffs puts him on the hood of his car then yells at us to get out slowly and everything ... goes to my cousin, "Are you okay to drive?" - "I think so, but I am taking a breathalyzer first."
He blows a .23 or something just absolutely ridiculous. The cop thought the thing was broken, my cousin laughs and goes, "I guess I won't be driving anwyere. Cop looks at me, and I am barely able to stand and goes, "What about him, is he alright?"
"He's my cousin, he drank about as much as I did and weighs about 50 pounds less so I am going to go with no."
I am trying not to laugh so hard, the cop is fucking livid. Calls for backup.
My friend goes to a holding cell, we get a ride home from a state trooper - we were about 20 minutes from the city, hahah.
We are cracking jokes the entire time. "I wonder if Jimmy got his asshole plugged yet?" "I wish I taught him how to make a shiv." Cop is not laughing, but we are having the time of our lives.
I ask him if a tip is considering a bribe and he goes, "Just get the fuck out of my car."
We get out ... he lays fucking tire and turns on his siren, waking the entire block up, hahah.
After that it is not as funny, that is kind of wehere the story ends I guess.
Long as hell, hahaha.
I had fun remembering it, I hope you had fun reading it.
And on that note ... GO YANKEES!!!
- GreedoLives0
who do the yanks got for middle relief now that doctor proctor is gone?
- GreedoLives0
finally broke down and ordered cable just to watch baseball...
- GreedoLives0
i feel like the yankees are very capable of losing 9 in row right now. but tavarez is kind of a wild card, so maybe i'll just say 8 to be safe.
- flavorful0
My G-d, the Yankees are going to win the Division if they keep playing like this.
1978 anyone?
:D
- blastofv0
flavorful, contain your excitement man!
- flavorful0
Yes, I am thinking about catching the Buccos and the Bombers over June 6th weekend.
I was supposed to do this 2 years ago, but got 3rd degree burns from the sun at the beach beforehand and was unable to go, haha.
Hopefully I have better luck this year.
You planning a Yankee Stadium pilgrimage before they take it down as well?
- flavorful0
Yankees are in the playoffs!!!
- flavorful0
WHAT A COMEBACK BY THE BUCCOS!!@!
- studderine0
man the east coast media hates arizona! jesus, even the coverage of the suns is horrible. the dbacks are it! the cubs choke once again.
- GreedoLives0
idle stones gather moss.
btw, blastofv was half right.
- walkman0
TSN is showing the Top 10 First Pitches!
So funny - they showed a Will Farrell pitch and Anna Kournikova...
Carl Lewis! Ha!
I'll see if I can find a link...
- k0na_an0k0
The White Sox vs. Mets
Sox to win it all.
:)
- arthur0
Where are all the A-Rod haters now?!
FUCK THE RED SOX!!!!
flavorful
(Apr 20 07, 08:15)Fuck A-Rod and fuck the Red Sox.
- merritt0
Good man, I can't believe you are giving the Padres the credit to get to the World Series...I'll hold you to it.
- dirtydesign0
Red Sox!? Thats hilarious.
Phillies!? Even funnier. Mets this year bitches.
- k0na_an0k0
flavor you really a yankees fan?!
i love how espn before the season was writing story upon story putting a-rod in a negative light to the yankees fans on 'will he choke again' blah blah.
then he comes out on a tear and espn's stories now are 'he's got one foot out the door already' cause his contract is nearing it's end. it's laughable.
knowing the other side of the story makes me hate the sporting media even more when they pull shit like this.
i've always liked a-rod... until he plays the white sox, then i hate him. :)
- GreedoLives0
as long as the sox get the division the yankers can do whatever they please. their bullpen still sucks despite all the jobas and marianos, their starting pitching has never been more than iffy, and some good pitching will cool their hot bats. and let's not forget that arod is usually as useful in october as a one-legged man at a soccer game...
- c_valencia0
Pavano wins Cy Young and Comeback Player of the Year awards.
No Joke...
Yankees in 4 over the hapless Mets.