calling in sick
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- k0na_an0k
some excuses for you. what can i say. it's friday and i'm bored. some gems in here.
1. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.
2. When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.
3. I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.
4. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Okay?
5. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling. *click
6. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.
7. I prefer to remain an enigma.
8. My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.
9. I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.
10. I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.
11. I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.
12. I'm feeling a little disgruntled this morning. You think I should come in?
Yours?
- ********0
#3 is periodic table #79.
- grunttt0
that attention disorder one cracked me up
=D
- ********0
Me: Morning El Cap-e-tan!
Boss: ... It's like 3 in the afternoon.
Me: Oh ... you're East Coast rite?
Boss: ...
Me: Meant to call you earlier, but I won't be coming into work today.
Boss: I just saw you yesterday. It was Tuesday.
Me: Still is here. AH THANK YOU!
Boss: ...
Me: No seriously, I just overslept.
- GreedoLives0
Sorry, couldn't make it cause i got bagged cutting the head off a corpse to make a bong:
http://www.northcountrygazette.o…e-pill?
- grunttt0
would you prefer i shit all over the office or shit all over my house?
ok then. i'll be in when i quit all the shittin'
- ********0
Not calling in sick, but this is funny (to me) nonetheless ...
I was walking by the one kitchen and noticed a flyer on the one table for free kittens.
Next to it another flyer.
A missing persons flyer.
...
Programmer, mid-twenties, last seen in 2005, below is a most recent picture.
(Picture of me with short hair.)
If you see him, please contact pete (my boss) and has his extension.
...
I've been growing my hair out since mid-November, haha.
As I'm laughing uncontrollably, my buddy runs out and goes GOT YA!
He has dropped off these in every kitchen in our 2 buildings .... haha.
It's a little funnier in person.
But I thought it was pretty good.