Notes On An Evening Spent Drinking at an Alameda Tiki Bar With Mayo
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- kingjulien
A. Visited my roommate in rehab on Saturday. The visiting hours are from 1:00-4:00pm, but they have this bizarre rule that you have to get there between 1:00 and 1:15 or you're not allowed in. We arrived at 1:25 because of traffic on the Golden Gate Bridge. The two women who run the place were at the front door, informing us of our missed opportunity. My roommate was there as well, calling Charmaine, the supervisor, a "cunt." Despite this introduction, and the impending reprimand my roommate received for her language, we got in, because I promised to bring Charmaine a plate of Carolina Honey Ribs from Tony Roma's the next time I visit. I kid you not.
B. I made a wrong turn trying to get to Mayo's hotel and ended up deep in the Tenderloin, one of the more chaotic neighborhoods downtown. After getting directions from a crackhead who wanted me to purchase a lighter camouflaged as a nail clipper as payment for his help, I witnessed a woman strip down naked on the sidewalk, grab her crotch, and yell at the top of her lungs to 5 brothas next to her: "I aint no stankin ass ho! I aint no stankin ass ho! I aint no stankin ass ho!" When she saw me trying to avoid her she said it again. "I aint no stankin ass ho!"
of which I smiled and said, "Clearly. You're all class, darling," and kept walking. This confused her for a second, and then she told me to fuck off.
C. When we arrived at the Tiki Bar that evening, Mayo's husband introduced me to the owners as kingjulien. I'm pretty sure this was an accident. Quickly I corrected him by saying, please, call me Rob. During my drunken walk through the Stockton tunnel at 2:00 am I realized that their conversation at some point must have gone like this:
Who is that guy you're with again? kingjulien?
Oh, that's just my wife's internet friend. Don't mind him, he's harmless.
D. When I'm forced to have exotic drinks, or bet on horses I'm not familiar with, I choose soley according to name. That is why I spent three hours drinking the "Combover." Not only was the name cool, but the drinks came with a real comb - one I later asked the owner if I could keep. He smiled and said, "Yes, Rob, you get to keep the combs." Of course I forgot to bring mine when we left, so the novelty was ruined, just like that, but still, the idea was lovely, you have to admit.
E. I was informed that the inside of the Tiki Bar was built by this guy named Bamboo Ben. There's no story here, I just found that revelation fantastic. Thank god for the internet too: http://www.bambooben.com/
F. Around midnight I called taragee so Mayo and I could share our evening together. Nothing we experienced could match the story gee told, about how that afternoon she purchased a 15 lb. watermelon at some Jersey street fair, but then found it was too heavy to carry all the way home, so she had to hide it in the side yard of some random house, where she then returned 30 minutes later with her car to pick it up. Can you imagine being the homeowner who looked out his front window to see gee hiding - and then returning to pick up - a giant watermelon?
It must have been spectacular to witness.
- bolder0
that's a long walk from alameda thru the stockton tunnel.
- kingjulien0
Actually I got dropped off on Powell and Ellis, so the walk was only like 20 minutes, which was great. If I had tried to do it from Alameda, I would have been jumped a few times in West Oakland.
- Jaline0
kj should have his own blog thread. or his own blog.
- mayo0
hey, don't forget, you and I both started the night off with a Painkiller, which I think was my favorite drink of the night (other than stealing a sip of your combovers). And I did NOT hog all the sweet potato fries! >:(
There was plenty left in the second basket I ordered :P
- mayo0
and i still got a handful of swizel sticks in my car if you want one kj
here's the menu
http://www.forbiddenislandalamed…
- kingjulien0
If rand had been there I would have had a "Suffering Bastard" with him.
- jevad0
hahahahah
- mayo0
I would have a Missionary's Downfall and dedicate it to him. Then the four of us have to split a Mystery Bowl. :D
- xenicon0
it is reassuring that having an internet friend leads to drinks
- mayo0
I wonder where the next kj mayo drink up will be. First it was a pub with lots of beer, then a tiki bar with...lot of blowfish lights and rum. Piano lounge with vodka gimlets?
- kingjulien0
the opium den around the corner with lots of happy endings.
- mayo0
do they have stuff stronger than my poppy seed muffin?
- mg330
"This is King Julien."
priceless.
- Rand0
whenever I'm in a bar or restaurant with those kind of drinks, I always get a chuckle out of "suffering bastard"
- mayo0
just imagining the conversation between kingjulien, Rand and BambooBen over suffering bastards makes my head hurt.