carnivorous squirrel
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- Kidswift
As i was happily gazing out my window this morning, munching on my toast and crunchy peanut butter and supping on a smoothie fancy free without a care in the world. What the fuck should i see staring back at me but a EEEVil demonic Squirrel with the suffering of the world and fire in its eyes munching on a dead pigeon with its wing hanging out of its mouth. Chomping on it like a looney tune eating a cob of corn, typwriter style. The little fucker was staring right at me too, i swear it was imagining it was snacking on my brains. It was too much and i lost my tasty breakfast into the sink.... am i just naive and living in some child like dream of a life but i have always thought squirrels were cute and snacked on nuts and berries not tore dead birds to shreds while perving in through peoples windows. Could it be that the anti christ has risen reincarnated into the form of a squirrel and is residing in my back yard to carry our his apocalyptic plans... advice needed please.....
- stewart0
that does remind me of the 'scalp' thread... you're in the same area?
- Kidswift0
Liking your train of thought but i don't know if mortal bullets will kill this fucker. I am thinking holy water, flame thrower and a priest. Perhaps i should torch my entire property for the sake of man kinds future....
- Kidswift0
Ha that's it genius!!! i train a raven to drop the carbolic Acid on it. Good skillz designerror.
- kelpie0
you know that mad bereaved squirrel mothers, can go psycho and hunt down other squirrels babies for breakfast, don't you?
that not a word of a lie. canibalistic infanticide. quite common.
- jox0
You should make a path of nuts leading away from there and towards a trap. When he gets there, POOF, he falls down a hole you dug.
- kelpie0
he's not fond of nuts, Jox, that much we have established.
dog food?
raw steak?
- kelpie0
Ritzy regulars were less sure. "I've never seen one," said a staff member. "But there might be crack foxes around too."
lol
- Kidswift0
I think i will try and "borrow" some neighbours kid tonight and tie him to a steak and then wait paitently with my trained raven with the sulphuric acid....then when he least expects it...... vengence shall be mine!
- winter0
sorry to be a spoiler, but squirrels are actually omnivorous.
- designerror0
omnivorous |äm?niv(?)r?s| adjective (of an animal or person) feeding on food of both plant and animal origin. • taking in or using whatever is available : an omnivorous reader.
- Kidswift0
Not spoling at all its a wealth of info so far i have learnt that
1) they can be killed by a trained raven and sulphuric acid
2) The brixton ones are partial to crack as are the foxes though this has yet to be confirmed by the Met
3) they are omnivorousIf only a priest would jump on this thread and be able to confirm if indeed the devil was to reincarnate himself if he would choose a squirrel body and a house in Peckham. Then i would die a enlightened and happy man...
- winter0
priests are omnivorous too. you shouldn't trust them.
- Baskerville0
someone mentioned the 'Scalp' thread. Does anyone know what happened to that? Do we have an outcome yet? Human, artificial, dog?
- Kidswift0
If i get this Squirrel i am gonna scalp the likkle bastard then we shall reserect the scalp thread in all its glory. Mwuwahhaaaaaaaa
- elms0
- Jaline0
yayayayay