NT MindBook
- Started
- Last post
- 41 Responses
- JazX0
There once was a cock from Pantucket, he pulled out his chicken to F*ckit.
- e-pill0
better than fine
Today's one of those fall Northern California Saturdays that Zeppelin used to write songs about. The leaves are changing colors, the kids are out in their soccer uniforms, the Mexican dude at the gas station--the one I was trying to make eye contact with to thank for washing my windshield, said "my pleasure boss" when I finally blurted out that I appreciated what he had done (and you know when strangers call you things like boss or chief that they're your friend), and finally, the most adorable Fionna Apple blonde girl was working at the Vietnamese bakery, no makeup and her hair pulled back simply--the one white person besides me in the whole place (and one I've been trying to see again after a year of sporadic returns) and she had this little glow in her eye when I thanked her for my blueberry muffin, and dear lord, no headaches or hungover mornings to contend with, and well, this is how peaceful and content a weekend should begin, it might not last but right now it feels so sweet.kingjulien
(Nov 5 05, 10:35)
- e-pill0
The Gorbie Chronicles Part One
Day 1
A Friday afternoon drive by the house. Everything appears normal, although there's something sinister in the air. A pumpkin sits on the porch next to a potted plant, although there's only one eye carved out. The shutters are closed. The Italian flag that used to hang out front is no longer up. A box of Marie's donuts is tucked under a pair of china flaps and work gloves. It is unclear whether there is life inside.Day 2
Later that evening (or rather, early the next morning), on the way home from the bar, I took a second drive by. Tomorrow I'll return on foot, but I needed another reconnaissance mission to ensure everything goes smooth. I take one spin past the house, and then circle back and park down the street. I have gee on the line, and try to appear in control, but her giggling is threatening my cover, so I pretend to have technical difficulties and hang up the phone. A primered Gremblin, one with a sunroof and sixteen switches, pulls into the driveway and flashes its high beams twice. The hydraulics kick in, and the car goes up and down quickly like some psychedelic Dr. Dre video. A figure arrives from the sideyard, and two duffel bags are exchanged. Is it OJ? Kato? Has the eagle landed?Day 3
Sunday late morning. I arrive dressed in a blue mechanics' jumpsuit (this is the closest thing I have to a gardener's outfit). I have a brown curly wig (with fresh activator juice) and the coolest porn mustache one could score in the 29th street garden block apartments (I got a dubsack and a stache in one transaction from my boy Meeko). I take my edger and begin work on the house next door. Within thirty minutes Gorbie comes out, a pair of pajama bottoms and a wife beater top. He appears fragile, weathered, beaten, and when he scans the block, a look of paranoia comes over his face. We make eye contact for a moment and he waves. He doesn't recognize me. Gorbie grabs the newspaper and stumbles inside. He pretends to close the door but I can tell he's inspecting me further. An hour later four Mexicans in a rug cleaning van pull up. They are in the back for close to an hour. As I check the trash there are four cartons of Tylenol cold and sinus medication lodged inside. Finally the side gate opens, and Gorbie and his homies get into the van ( a replica of Tommy Bradford's love mobile in Eight is Enough). Gorbie now has a blue bandanna around his forehead, and is wearing a fila jumpsuit with matching sneakers. He appears at ease. He turns to me and flashes a two-one across his chest. Are they going on a hit? Is there a big deal about to transpire? What kind of scene is he involved in? What if I get caught?Day 4
I ring the doorbell, afraid of who might answer . A three hundred pound Honduran woman with the face of Albert Puljos appears. I mistakenly ask for Gorbie before using his real name. The woman shakes her head. "They're on vacation. They no home. Been gone 3 week." I try to peak around the corner, but she holds the door tight. She claims to be a neighbor taking care of the dog (and the yard), but something isn't right. In the background weird odors are emanating. I hear mariachi music. A man in a Che Guevara beret comes to the door, and when I try to explain myself, he closes it mid-sentence. Who are these people? What happened to my buddy? Why are meth prices dropping across town? Is Gorbie a kingpin? What is this new job he has, and why has he turned his back on so many who care and respect him?These questions, and more, must be answered soon. Tonight I'm returning as a Bible salesman, tomorrow as a school board candidate. My alias will not be compromised, this I assure you. Loyal NTers, I promise, I will get to the bottom of this, as soon as possible.
Goodbye, and god bless.
kingjulien
(Oct 24 05, 14:25)
- vespa0
Wed, 7 Dec 05
-----------------Woke up this morning with water raining from the bathroom ceiling and my guitarist asleep on the couch.
She missed her train home last night after we met with our managers. It must have been past Tony's bed time, he was clearly delusional, banging on about how cute i'd look in a red military jacket and pill box hat like a little drummer boy, the very picture of seasonal delight! The sound of my contempt hissed louder than my japanesey phaser pedal (but at least i didn't bite him).
My bike ride to work was all poltergeist-breath and crunchy light, one of those days when the cold air turns the dog shit into sculpture and the local crazies into romantics. There is a lady who is always wondering up and down my street in the morning barefoot in her dressing gown. This morning she had a crystal glass of wine and a fag in her hand and i thought there but for the grace of god...
Rode past a frozen cat by the canal and thought it was a discarded toy, it was pawing the air and it made me realise i'd previously thought freezing would be a gentle death. The cat was fluffy and grey on frozen green grass and the ducks were honking mournfully at it.
One of the genius-slash-"special" coders rode in before me and he was wearing a red sock on his left foot and a green sock on his right, with sandals. Starboard and port, apparently. He wears this every day. I struck up conversation with him in the lift because that's what bicyclists do - we're all in it together you see. Later that afternoon I heard him barking - he makes loud noises all day but that's ok cos he's very clever - and i thought i wonder if i can make a request? so i went over to him with a picture david shrigley did of a hairy ape monster thing and asked if he could give it sound and he screamed the SCARIEST noise i've ever heard and i ran away whimpering.
We've just imprisoned an elephant we made at christmas drinks last week out of my secret santa present (a bucket of playdoh). He is the saddest christmas decoration ever!
- gruntt0
vesap = queenjulien
- gruntt0
pardon me.
that's spelled vespa
- Rand0
what's that leg?
- paraselene0
oh rand, i think the real burning question is what happens to dave in 207 days?!?!
- Rand0
I'm worried about the leg
- rasko40
bravo
- Rand0
seconded
- Rand0
Last night the most wonderful dream: Dad still alive. It was all a mistake after all. He was standing in a sunny field. Tears streamed down my face. He smiled and held out his hand.
He said: Turn off your television. Stop your drinking. Put away the things that do you no good.
- Jnr_Madison0
Pile of cunt
- Jnr_Madison0
A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."
The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."
The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."
So they jump into the routine. The man grabs his daughter and reaches under her skirt and starts finger blasting her while she grabs her brother's penis from his pants and begins servicing him with her mouth. The mother goes out into the hallway and grabs a metal bucket and begins shitting into it. Now the night before she ate a lot of cabbage and took some laxatives so it's the Hershey squirts to the max. The man now pulls down his daughter's panties and stuffs them into her ass and begins to fuck her cunt. Her brother pulls his cock out of her mouth and walks over to his shitting mother and begins masturbating until he cums all over her face, she grabs his balls and just begins to squeeze.
The father now pulls the panties out of his daughter's ass, after reaming her vagina until she bled, and stuff's them into her tear covered face. He begins to ravage her asshole.
The mother stops shitting and she reaches into the bucket and smears shit all over her son's face with her free hand while she continues to crush his balls.The father fists his daughter while anally raping her. The son begins to slap his mother as hard as he can while calling her godless cunt rag. The man's daughter has passed out from bloodloss and sheer shock. The mother completely crushes her son's balls as he passes out. The man pulls his dick out of his daughter and flips her over and he masturbates all over her face.
He grabs some smelling salts and revives both his daughter and his son. He walks over to his wife and begins fucking her, choking her with his belt as she punches his ribs. The son seizing the opprotunity of having the brown shit smeared all over his face begins a black face routine. The daughter begins to fist her bleeding vagina. The son see's his sister and begins to fuck her in the ass while she continues to fist herself.
The man's wife has turned blue and passed out, he continues to fuck her proclaiming how he wishes she were dead so her cunt would be nice and cold. He drops her on the floor and shits and pisses all over her. The brother is pulling his sister's hair and spanks her ass raw while she screams for mercy.
He pulls out and leaves to go to the Hallway only to return with a burlap sack. He opens the burlap sack and pushes out an eighty year old Auschwitz survivor with a ball gag and leather panties. The father and brother don Nazi attire and begin masturbating furiously onto him while the daughter beats him with a horse whip. Covered in cum the eighty year old's heart fails. The father begins to ass rape him while the brother sticks his cock into his cold mouth, so they have him skewered like a pig on a spit. Both the father and the brother cum all over him. The father then walks over to the talent agent's desk covered in his own shit and piss and asks "may I borrow your telephone sir?"
"Why of course," replies the talent agent.
He rips the phone out of the wall and walks over to his son and punches him right in the mouth with it, knocking the boy's teeth everywhere, and he begins to face fuck him. The boy chokes to death on his father's dick. The father and the sister walk over to the passed out mother and the daughter goes down on her while the father rapes his daughter's bleeding ass. The wife comes to and grabs her daughter's hair and shoves her face deeper into her vagina and until she can't breathe and smother's her to death. Her husband pulls his dick out of the dead daughter flips her over and cums all over her chest. His wife gets up and starts sucking his dick while fisting him in the ass. She bites his dick off, pulls it out of her mouth and shoves it down his throat and he asphyxiates on his own dick. She stands up and takes a bow as the clock strikes seven.
For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"
And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"
Rand
(Nov 27 05, 16:52)
- gruntt0
my mother is in nearly every dream that i remember. we rarely, if ever, talk. she's never the main focus of the dream. it's like she's an extra.
i miss her so much.
- Rand0
A man with an abscessed tooth goes to a faith healer. A large crowd gathers to watch. The healer pull sout the tooth. Several minutes later, a trickle of blood, followed by a column of live black ants marching out of the patient's mouth. The crowd roars with laughter. The healer had promised that the paion would leave. In local dialect, the word for "pain" is the same for "ant".
- e-pill0
The Aristocrats!!!!
hahahahaha!!! i remember reading this!! and then i remember posting this:
http://www.cartmanthearistocrat.…
:)
- Rand0
My brother is telling me how to recognize Elvis when he returns: by his voice. He may look different. But his voice will be the same. My brother stops talking and fixes his eyes on the horizon--a look of reverence and panic. I turn and see Elvis. He stands in a field, mowed around the edges, with high weeds in the center. He wears clothing of a loose, natural material. His message is simple and easy to remember: "the best of all worlds awaits you soon."
- rasko40
There will come a time in you lives when atoms will seperate infront of our eyes, the tables will shake as though viewing the contents of our single persons ready meal cooking in the microwave. Vibrating molecules. This is the time we will all know when it comes, the blood rushing to our head, the pulsating vein on our foreheads, like the morning after that cheap red wine on that weekend in Milan that led to our divorces. The red mist dripping down the windows of our madness, the enamel splintering from our clenched teeth. The knife grasped in our whitened fingers, that knife from the kitchen, how did that knife get there. That knife squishing into her flesh and clattering on her skull, skidding off her rib bones. that knife is sharp, so sharp - look at it, how is it going in like that, this knife. this knife in our hand? Who did that? There is blood everywhere and our wife is there, she looks in a terrible state. I think we may have killed her.
rasko4
(Nov 30 05, 15:15)
