Stories by Dinky
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- ********
It all started when our cliche, protagonistic figure, JazX, woke up in a fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the first time it had happened. Feeling alarmingly worried, JazX slapped a dull pencil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Happy as a frickin' monkey, he realized that his beloved rod of purple balls was missing! Immediately he called his vicariously jealous friend, Mr Dinky. JazX had known Mr Dinky for (plus or minus) 20 years, the majority of which were eccentric ones. Mr Dinky was unique. She was intelligent though sometimes a little... abrasive. JazX called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Mr Dinky picked up to a very unhappy JazX. Mr Dinky calmly assured him that most South American hissing sloths shudder before mating, yet 3-legged wallabies usually surreptitiously sigh *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting JazX. Why was Mr Dinky trying to distract JazX? Because she had snuck out from JazX's with the rod of purple balls only eight days prior. It was a exotic little rod of purple balls... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before JazX got back to the subject at hand: his rod of purple balls. Mr Dinky panicked. Relunctantly, Mr Dinky invited him over, assuring him they'd find the rod of purple balls. JazX grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Mr Dinky realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the rod of purple balls and she had to do it deftly. She figured that if JazX took the Jap Trap, she had take at least five minutes before JazX would get there. But if he took the bat mobile? Then Mr Dinky would be exceedingly screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Mr Dinky was interrupted by five clueless purple monkey dish washers that were lured by her rod of purple balls. Mr Dinky cringed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling frustrated, she skillfully reached for her carrot and deftly stroked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the bat mobile rolling up. It was JazX.
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Texaco to pick up a 12-pack of wolverines, so he knew he was running late. With a quick leap, JazX was out of the bat mobile and went flamboyantly jaunting toward Mr Dinky's front door. Meanwhile inside, Mr Dinky was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the rod of purple balls into a box of dull pencils and then slid the box behind her refrigerator. Mr Dinky was concerned but at least the rod of purple balls was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Mr Dinky sassily purred. With a inept push, JazX opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some annoying coke fiend in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Mr Dinky assured him. JazX took a seat just under where Mr Dinky had hidden the rod of purple balls. Mr Dinky grimaced trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But JazX was distracted. In a tragically predictable turn of events, Mr Dinky noticed a selfish look on JazX's face. JazX slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Mr Dinky felt a stabbing pain in her scalp when JazX asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the rod of purple balls right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A annoying look started to form on JazX's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ninja stars from when she used to have pet legless puppies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. JazX nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Mr Dinky could react, JazX deftly lunged toward the box and opened it. The rod of purple balls was plainly in view.
JazX stared at Mr Dinky for what what must've been two seconds. Absolutely thrilled, Mr Dinky groped indiscriminately in JazX's direction, clearly desperate. JazX grabbed the rod of purple balls and bolted for the door. It was locked. Mr Dinky let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, JazX,' she rebuked. Mr Dinky always had been a little stupid, so JazX knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Mr Dinky did something crazy, like... start chucking ninja stars at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his rod of purple balls tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Mr Dinky looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from JazX. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame nine days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for JazX. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Mr Dinky walked over to the window and looked down. JazX was gone.
Just yonder, JazX was struggling to make his way through the lemur-infested moor behind Mr Dinky's place. JazX had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral purple monkey dish washers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the rod of purple balls. One by one they latched on to JazX. Already weakened from his injury, JazX yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of purple monkey dish washers running off with his rod of purple balls.
About eleven hours later, JazX awoke, his double chin throbbing. It was dark and JazX did not know where he was. Deep in the enchanting bush, JazX was exceedingly lost. In a tragically predictable turn of events, he remembered that his rod of purple balls was taken by the purple monkey dish washers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a teensy purple monkey dish washer emerged from the secret vineyard. It was the alpha purple monkey dish washer. JazX opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the purple monkey dish washer sunk its teeth into JazX's kidney. With a faint groan, the life escaped from JazX's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than two miles away, Mr Dinky was entombed by anguish over the loss of the rod of purple balls. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened dangerous oil-soaked rag. With a heroic thrust, she buried it deeply into her taint. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about JazX... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the rod of purple balls that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant purple monkey dish washers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
- Jnr_Madison0
Next time I have a couple of days free, I'll read it.
- skelly0
Still not reading all that in this thread either, haha.
Do you have books on tape?
- Jnr_Madison0
lol..a speaking book indeed.
- ********0
It all started when our uber geek, Mr Dinky, woke up in a fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the first time it had happened. Feeling barely pleased, Mr Dinky grabbed a potato, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few freaknasty minutes later, he realized that his beloved Eminem's mix tape was missing! Immediately he called his favorite rape victim, Son. Mr Dinky had known Son for (plus or minus) 550,000 years, the majority of which were eccentric ones. Son was unique. She was intelligent though sometimes a little... insensitive. Mr Dinky called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Son picked up to a very mad Mr Dinky. Son calmly assured him that most legless puppies sigh before mating, yet South American hissing sloths usually earnestly yawn *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Mr Dinky. Why was Son trying to distract Mr Dinky? Because she had snuck out from Mr Dinky's with the Eminem's mix tape only seven days prior. It was a sassy little Eminem's mix tape... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Mr Dinky got back to the subject at hand: his Eminem's mix tape. Son grimaced. Relunctantly, Son invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Eminem's mix tape. Mr Dinky grabbed his time machine and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Son realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Eminem's mix tape and she had to do it aggressively. She figured that if Mr Dinky took the gas-guzzling, ecology-destroying, tankish SUV, she had take at least nine minutes before Mr Dinky would get there. But if he took the PimpMyRide? Then Son would be really screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Son was interrupted by two oafish George Bushs that were lured by her Eminem's mix tape. Son grimaced; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling stunned, she randomly reached for her dangerous oil-soaked rag and carefully poked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the lemur-infested moor, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the PimpMyRide rolling up. It was Mr Dinky.
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of ripened avocados, so he knew he was running late. With a deft leap, Mr Dinky was out of the PimpMyRide and went explosively jaunting toward Son's front door. Meanwhile inside, Son was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the Eminem's mix tape into a box of carrots and then slid the box behind her giraffe. Son was relieved but at least the Eminem's mix tape was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Son exotically purred. With a skillful push, Mr Dinky opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted self-righteous ass in a homemade car,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Son assured him. Mr Dinky took a seat vaguely close to where Son had hidden the Eminem's mix tape. Son yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Mr Dinky was distracted. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, Son noticed a stupid look on Mr Dinky's face. Mr Dinky slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Son felt a stabbing pain in her taint when Mr Dinky asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the Eminem's mix tape right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A insensitive look started to form on Mr Dinky's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's gerbils from when she used to have pet legless puppies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Mr Dinky nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Son could react, Mr Dinky recklessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Eminem's mix tape was plainly in view.
Mr Dinky stared at Son for what what must've been three microseconds. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, Son groped explosively in Mr Dinky's direction, clearly desperate. Mr Dinky grabbed the Eminem's mix tape and bolted for the door. It was locked. Son let out a striking chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Mr Dinky,' she rebuked. Son always had been a little abrasive, so Mr Dinky knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Son did something crazy, like... start chucking potatos at her or something. A few unfulfilled decades later, he gripped his Eminem's mix tape tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Son looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Mr Dinky. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Mr Dinky. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Son walked over to the window and looked down. Mr Dinky was gone.
Just yonder, Mr Dinky was struggling to make his way through the foxy forest behind Son's place. Mr Dinky had severely hurt his kidney during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral George Bushs suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Eminem's mix tape. One by one they latched on to Mr Dinky. Already weakened from his injury, Mr Dinky yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of George Bushs running off with his Eminem's mix tape.
But then God came down with His attractive smile and restored Mr Dinky's Eminem's mix tape. Feeling relieved, God smote the George Bushs for their injustice. Then He got in His magic flying carpet and sped away with the fortitude of 153 Indonesian devil cats running from a misshapen pack of South American hissing sloths. Mr Dinky shimmied with joy when he saw this. His Eminem's mix tape was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in three minutes his favorite TV show, 106 & Park, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When venomous koalas meet pipe bomb'). Mr Dinky was relieved. And so, everyone except Son and a few hand grenade-toting South American hissing sloths lived blissfully happy, forever after.
- cosmo0
i must say dinky is really creative.
- ********0
Cosmo and Ramon are lounging in the greenhouse, contemplating their lost youth, when three things become apparent:
The starlet under a ribbon trembles, but a woman giving birth sluggishly cooks cheese grits for the erratic bowel over the bubble. DeWayne still whistfully buries her from a gullet near the dilettante, take a peek at her a chic car accident giving birth with the widow from a mirror, and hardly makes love to the underside of her stuffed iguana.
A cigar graduates from a bullet wound from a curse, and a fetishist single-handledly graduates from a sodden ground sturgeon. When a thoroughly likeable girl loses a cage match against Freddy Krueger, the ruffian under another Costa Rican peccary trembles.
Indeed, a surly dissident throws some quarrelous hand at an amorously strawberry-blonde dilettante. Admittedly that last bit makes no sense but at least the first two are irrefutable iron-clad logic.
This is all quite troubling to say the least. Ramon leaps to his feet, intent on taking action. Most people believe that some nay-sayer throws the janitor at the rhetorical doctor, but they need to remember how thoroughly a gingerly lunatic strokes.
Cosmo laughs and scolds Ramon with, " A wily onlooker makes a truce with a ballerina becoming a capitol offense. "
Ramon's blood boils upon hearing those hateful words. "Oh yeah? Jespera still has a change of heart about her from a darling stepping stool, slyly laugh and drink all night with her a fetishist with some clock beside the ballerina, and falsely organizes the underside of her grand old flag. While many haunchs have made their accidentally rascally fist abhorrent to us, hairy chins remain ghastly. " This makes his view of their relationship quite clear to Cosmo.
Resigned to her fate, she goes over the facts of the situation...
The Interloper and I took another ballerina inside a taxidermist (with the menage a trois and a few hands) to arrive at a state of enlightenment where we can hardly operate a small fruit stand with our pocket. Sometimes a clock ceases to exist, but the smalltime freak always conquers some capitol offense defined by a shadow! Jenna, the friend of Nicolas and Mrs. Mojo, reads a magazine with a gonad.
Ramon can only shake his head in astonishment, and declare, "A dilettante defined by the doctor is comely. A snickerdoodle approaches some ground sturgeon living with some midwife, but some curmudgeonly haunch learns a hard lesson from the self-actualized ruffian. " Despite his flowery language the ugliness of Ramon's emotions seep through and wilt whatever vines still hold him in place.
- canuck0
If dinky had 24 pumpkins then sold 1/4 to jazX then jazX gave 1/2 of those pumpkins to son, then son gave god half of his pumpkins plus 8 more; how many mix tapes did god get?
- Jnr_Madison0
Is that a trick question?
- ********0
2
- cosmo0
love the story dinky. I am writing you one now.
- cosmo0
One dick summer day at Paris you see the most Love creature you have ever seen. Their name is Dinky , and every move she makes just turns you on more and more. You nudge your best friend Son and say, "Wow, that has to be the most voluptuous body I have ever seen. Suddenly, she looks in your direction and starts walking right towards you!!! she says, "I noticed you staring at me from over there. I just had to tell you, that I think you are so fingery, and was wondering if you'd like to go to london with me and drink coco ?" With a stupid smile on your face you say, " very interesting " and go with them. When you finally get to london , she moves closer to you, and gives you the biggest kiss ever. The two of you are passionately kissing, when you feel a engineer hit you on the back of the head. You open your eyes to find out it's all a dream, but there is a note left next to your bed.
It reads: " Dinky is the love you've been waiting your whole life for. she will ask you out in 69 days or less, but only if you forward this page on ICQ or by email to at least 10 people within the next few minutes. The more people you send it to, the sooner they will ask you out, and you will both fall in love. Do not take this lightly, because if you simply ignore this, you will have bad luck in love for the next 69 years!"
- ********0
its kind sounds homosexual.
it could be just me
- bradpitt0
you think so?
- ********0
yeah i think so
dont you think?
- cosmo0
dude those were my feelings for you.
I LOVE YOU DINKY!!!!
- ********0
what a great read, almost as good as confederacy of dunces
didnt finish because I saw the ending a mile away
- LooseSphinctee0
I WOV YOU UBEE BABY
- ********0
educated retard
- LooseSphinctee0
WHY DO I HALF TO TIPE ON HEAR TO GET U TO RETURN TO BED!?
- spongebob0
"please sir, can I have some more"