Insert Narrative
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- kingjulien
Alright, I hate to break up all the profound discussion on guns, hollywood starlets, and why uberdesigner is my little bitch, but here's an assignment I used to give my creative writing class. I think some of you, the most cynical and sarcastic and witty of the lot, will probably come up with some intriguing responses. (Or it could be a colossal failure, but then again talking shit to me seems to drive some so that could be fun too.)
Anyway, I've included a photograph below, an amusing one with a bunch of absurd people. Your mission is to write the story BEHIND the picture. You can go in any direction you like (the more ridiculous the better), just keep it contained to one paragraph (and note, a paragraph can be one sentence or much longer).
Here's the pic:
http://www.robsimons.com/Kahue…Possible topics to get the ball rolling:
1.) G-unit?
2.) Lisa from Saved by the Bell?
3.) Big Pun getting his nipple rubbed?
4.) The paintings on the wall?Anyway, if there are some clever narratives, I'll assemble them into a collection, give you credit, and post them on http://slippymagazine.com
Cheers.
- uberdesigner0
kj, why are you making fun of people who have fun? are you a designer or just a wannabe writer who hangs out on a design message board?
- kingjulien0
1.) who am i making fun of?
2.) none of the above
- cruz_azul0
so after Fat Joe joined G-Unit his album was held back and was moonlighting as a bus boy, last public appreance was in the this picture of Carlos's birthday bash which was published in Maxims "Who the hell are you" atricle
- gruntt0
When Ricky asked the young neighborhood kids if he could tag along with them to the mexican restaurant they all agreed but only if he would agree to wear that funky flower hat.
- UndoUndo0
it was kahue's 30th but after a few ice colds kahue's bro couldn't help gawping at Kahue's gf's thong all night long little did they know pappa kahue's ghost looked on in disgust.
- gruntt0
On those happy occasions when the Vecchio triplets were in town the old gang would get together for enchilladas. The old friends were fascinated by the tales the brothers told. But before the evening was over the same thought went through everybodys mind... the circus is a hard life.
- kingjulien0
"the Vecchio triplets'
lol
- UndoUndo0
nice one gruntt :)
- -scarabin-0
so when are we gonna see your work, "uber"?
still hiding?
- MrRemote0
Nobody had told poor Joe that if he took that much Viagra it would leave him red cheeked for life.
- gruntt0
bumped because it has the potential to be hilarious.
- designaked0
Further proof that money gets you hot chicks.
- c_valencia0
Who’s the homo is the “LB” hat? (kj)
- jeneraa0
Does nobody notice that Mr. G-Unit superimposes perfectly over the creepy fat man painting in the background on the left?
I did so you can see yourself.
Original photo:
http://www.robsimons.com/Kahue…Mr. G-Unit superimposed:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/716…It's a f*cking family ghost I tell you. He brought his bloodline back.
- jeneraa0
Should've linked straight to the picture. Now compare the two:
Original:
http://www.robsimons.com/Kahue…Superimposed big boy:
And I must say, the skinny guy in gray is quite handsome. :^)
- gruntt0
HA!
- ross0
Brian finally gets the chance to look down his brothers girlfriends tank top. He had been waiting for this moment for what seems like forever.
- GreedoLives0
It was the night before Daryl's much-needed body fat transplant. There would be one last celebratory dinner at Taco Papi's down on 5th. Daryl put on his favorite Devil Rays hat after smoothing down his sparse blond hair and hopped on the bus. He found that when he got there, the donor, Don Chubbles, had already eaten half the spread. He was a nervous eater, and having half his mass transferred to a skinny white boy the following morning made him VERY nervous. Don's two younger brothers, Sweaty Larry and Gorilla Unit were there as well, in awe of Don's voracity. Taco Papi himself was hovering around the periphery, clearly delighted by the massive bill the boys were racking up. Pretty soon the drinks were flowing and Don invited some off-duty Hooters waitresses over to join them. A picture was made, with Don and his brothers, Taco Papi, the Hooters waitresses, and Daryl, leaning in. Looking back upon the photograph, with everybody smiling and so happy, it was hard to imagine that the following day one of them would die.
- JazX0
I knew it was kj because the thread had like 6 paragraphs.
I'm 99% right most of the time
- kingjulien0
There once was this little skinny guy named Carlos Valencia. He had a talented girlfriend--an artist--who had many fans on a popular design site. In one of Carlos’ more insane jealous moments, he created an alter ego, Buddylee, to heckle all of his lady's friends on the message board. Buddylee became more obsessive when he lost his girlfriend to another designer from that very same site, one obviously more charming and far more talented. He stewed in his depression for four years. He obsessed over his lost woman, and all of his insecurities came to the surface. Buddy Lee returned to the designer message board vowing revenge. He was a cock to everybody. He used racial epithets to taunt -- particularly Arabs and blacks, and anybody else who he couldn’t think of clever retorts he called “homos”. Then one day he got banned. That didn’t stop Buddy lee though. He created dozens of aliases, and returned. During a major crisis in American history he called the tragic victims of Hurricane Katrine “African savages”. He bragged about his weight training and his slow pitch softball leagues. Every month or so he posted links to lowrider conventions, and thought he was more “down” as a result of such interests. He rented movies like American Me and Blood in Blood Out, and put posters on the ceiling of Edward James Olmos, directly above his bed for easy midnight access. One day he went to this Italian restaurant, where a bunch of strip club employees were attending a birthday celebration. In an ironic twist of fate, one of his ex-girlfriends’ former friends happened to be there, a childhood friend of the birthday boy. Buddylee tried to hide in the corner with his white washed self, but it was too late. A mob of G-Unit’s finest surrounded him. They went out onto the balcony, dragging poor Buddylee, and held him down the side by his ankles. Buddylee at that point offered to perform sexual services on one of the smaller guys in the group, the one in the LB hat, but nobody was interested. At that point young Carlos was let go. He went into the bathroom and tossed his stained underway, making sure it was stuffed so deep in the trash can that nobody would ever find them (for they had property of Carlos Valencia written on them). He then grabbed his member’s only jacket and left.
The end.