absolutely
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- kingjulien
"Tell them to wear white and come when I call" --Anton
1.) I got chased by a family of skunks last night. It was sunset along the Sacramento river, and I was enjoying the solitude and the splash of magenta along the skyline when suddenly I saw these white tails coming in my direction. I inspected a little closer. There were at least five of them, and they were moving quickly. My face must have been funny, because I went into the whole, 'I'm gonna have to spend the week marinating in tomato juice' paranoia, and then just as quickly, turned and ran. It's been a while since I've had to run for my life--note to self, why do animals always fuck with me?--and when I took off I imagined myself in full Prefontaine glory, with those epic sideburns all nappy and full of life, which never get old in my opinion. With that said, I think my walking route might need to be revised.
2.) The levee where I was hiking was also the site of another interesting encounter last week. I was on the phone with Tara. She said that my new name for her, "Welcome to the Taradome"--which I thought was quite clever-- was actually what her friends in college used to call her boobs, and at that point my head started spinning and my foot stumbled on a loose rock and then tadow!--I went down, sliding and rolling at least fifteen feet, but the whole time, as my shin got bloodied, I maintained control of the phone--keeping it right to the ear, and all I said was a "Wo!". I tried to play it off and go back to our conversation but had to confess the nature of my injury 5 minutes later when I went down again, this time sliding into some bushes. If there had been any people around I might have been required to take a breathalyzer test. The great thing was, whenever there was an awkward pause the rest of the night, she would ask" Did you just fall again?"
3.) Have you purchased the new TJ Hooker DVD box set? Obviously it can't compare to the Good Times marathon on Nickelodeon a few Sundays back, but still, Heather Locklear in 1987 was like the Chicago Bears of 85--nobody was better in their prime.
4.) I'm so obsessed with the film Dig that last Wednesday, after a 12 hour video poker slash obnoxious drinking bout, I told the stripper that was grinding in my lap--the one that I had offered to include in my will moments earlier-- that "I'm not for sale!"--and did so knowing she hadn't seen the movie and had no context for my bizarre ramblings. She did, however, ensure that I left with glitter all over my face, and--call me delusional--I think if I had dropped another bill or two in there and offered to immortalize her in my next story, that she would have grown to like me. Perhaps if I go back this Wednesday I can convince her to run away to Mexico. I mean, I'm sure she's never heard the "I want to rescue you from all of this" line--right?
5.) Is there a point, at 31, where my place shouldn't look like a frat house? How does one remove bongwater from an Oriental rug? Why are these things still called Oriental when clearly this is politically incorrect? Has anybody ever pushed this envelope?
6.) The theme song for today is Player's 'Baby Come Back'. Kazaa that if you're not familiar with this pivotal artifact of American culture.
7.) My 400 lb. Hawaiian friend had a $20 drink the other night called 'The fishbowl'. The bartender poured every liquor she had into this giant bowl and then added a splash of pineapple at the end--just for aesthetic reasons. There was so much alcohol in there it tasted non-alcoholic-and when he was a third the way through all my friend could say was "Absolutely" to every question, and when a hot girl asked him something he turned it up a notch by saying "Oh Absofuckenlutely."
8.) Why would someone make an annoyingly long list of random diatribes and then just stop at number eight?
- Jaline0
only you kj, only you.
- robotron3k0
Yes!™
- tehgee0
8/8 is today's date
- spendogg0
absofuckinloutley.
I will be in sacramento on sunday - i will look for those damn skunks and spray feces on them.
- Gorbie0
8.) Why would someone make an annoyingly long list of random diatribes and then just stop at number eight?
did you just fall?
- canuck0
I too have had a run in with a skunk.
I was out jogging one morning when, I had to make a sudden halt. off to the edge of the trail was a skunk (maybe 10 feet away). We stared each other, down for like 5 minutes. I didnt really know what to do. Can skunks run fast? I spun around and got the fudge out of there. That would have def, ruined my week if he sprayed me.
On another animal note, read the "this weekend" thread, I have a bizarre seagull story in there.
- kingjulien0
spendogg, how long are you in town for?
gorbie, sorry i didn't check out the house. it took all of my focus to drive home without smacking into a telephone pole.
canuck, did you talk shit to the skunk while staring at it? the last time i popped off to an animal this hawk swooped down three times and tried to pluck me from this world.
- gruntt0
i went for years without really knowing what a skunk smelled like. that changed late one evening while driving home through the country. the instant i ran over that little bastard i knew exactly what a skunk smelled like.
- Jaline0
Haha, look at your storytellers :)
- JazX0
taa haaa kj
- Rand0
you are correct: pre is eternally young, eternally in style
hey, was it that japanese lady bartender?
- Rand0
could you post some pictures of her, please
- tehgee0
geepanese
- canuck0
Watch out for dem hawks.
I was out riding my bike one weekend, and for about half a km I was pursued by two vultures. The wing span must have reached atleast 5-6 feet.
I was shiting my pants. They could have easily made a meal out of me.
- Rand0
I think you should take over as lead singer of The Hold Steady
- tkmeister0
i didn't know skunks can chase. now i know what to do when i run into them.
run forest, run!
- kingjulien0
no rand, that was candy.
btw, we were at this concert friday and i suddenly remembered your comment about how gorbie and i hanging out was like the wild west, or something along those lines, and of course that's when the tequila shots came, just because of a comment you made here, and the next thing i remember some girl is trying to teach gorbie how to speak greek, and gorbie was too nice to tell her to scram, so he went along with her gibberish and finished his cigarette and just nodded his head occasionally and mangled whatever the hell she was trying to say....
- Rand0
that's what I'm talking about!
- tehgee0
so iwent to go to the store but there was a skunk blocking me in and celarly thisis your doing
- tehgee0
err clearly imean :P