lethal bread
- Started
- Last post
- 15 Responses
- anzelina
1. More than 98% of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called “dough.” It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a ‘gateway’ food item, leading the user to ‘harder’ items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90% water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions.
1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide “Just Say No To Toast” campaign, complete with celebrity TV spots and bumper sticker sales.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of “Bread-Free” zones around schools.
- cosmo0
can we have a summary?
- radar0
someone replaced the word "Drugs with "Bread"?
- version30
summary:
someone is bored
- anzelina0
yeah i was bored.
i didn't write it, someone forwarded it to me
- brandelec0
remember when you were a kid, and you took a slice of bread, spread some butter on it and sprinkled sugar on top.. mmmmm
- Jaline0
no
- BonSeff0
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
ok, that made me really lo0l
- anzelina0
i thought it was quite funny, myself.
- brandelec0
:(
- anzelina0
i remember ...
uh, bread
nevermind
- fusion410
... apparently saliva causes cancer. But only when swallowed in small amounts over long periods of time
- cosmo0
... apparently saliva causes cancer. But only when swallowed in small amounts over long periods of time
fusion41
(Jun 21 05, 12:09)hmmm u mean to say i'm going to die?
- Fariska0
remember when you were a kid, and you took a slice of bread, spread some butter on it and sprinkled sugar on top.. mmmmm
brandelec
(Jun 21 05, 11:10)I do it actually, after some joints :-)
- dr_Shim0
My God! I love that! I've eaten bread all my life. How horribly ignorant I've been.
- Cptn_Uncanny0
Taht mdae meh lol!