Maynard finds Jesus
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- abizzyman0
so much hatred for christianity!
... what if it all turns out to be true? How ya'll gonna feel then?
:)
- lifeinbinary0
"You'll recall that on Tuesday, in the course of looking into Internet rumors that Tool frontman Maynard James Keenan had found Jesus and was leaving the band, we e-mailed Keenan and put the question to him directly. His response was: "i did, in fact, find jesus. More news to follow. God bless ya."
After contemplating this communication, with its lowercase "j" for "Jesus" and its oddly breezy "God bless ya," we began to wonder: Was MJK pulling our leg, yanking our chain — in a word, lying to us? We e-mailed him again and asked flat-out. His response this time: "heh heh."
Jesus.
— Kurt Loder"
- czsevenone0
"Christians, huh? So forgive me." - Bill Hicks
Good news, April fools fans. The writing and recording is back under way. When approached for comment on his recent encounter with the Son of God, Maynard said, "That guy's a punk!"
As it turns out, Maynard was out "location scouting" near the Fourth Street bridge in downtown Los Angeles when he "found Jesus."
"Turns out he was here the whole time, and not that difficult to find if you know where to look," Maynard reported. Apparently Jesus offered him the position of campaign manager for his new line of "Holier Than Thou" sparkling holy water, which Maynard of course accepted. What wasn't obvious was that this guy is a total drunk. It's an occupational hazard. Every time our Lord goes to get a glass of water, it transforms into a generic grocery store Merlot. Because the alcoholic is the Son of God and an all-knowing being, he knew of Maynard’s extensive interest in collecting wine. So he went to work trying to get his lips on it. Maynard caught J.C. in his cellar transforming his precious wine collection into urine, then pissing it into the empty "sparkling holy water" bottles for the eventual sale to all those people who bought, read, and embraced "The Celestine Prophesy." Tragic.
"Truth be told," Maynard confessed, "I wasn't feeling top notch when I found him. The evening prior to the day in question I had over-indulged in a series of bad Molotov shrimp cocktails with a side of Makers Mark and twin strippers. So after an entire night of G.I. Blowouts, hot/cold sweats, and blurred vision, it's very possible that the guy I met wasn't even Jesus at all. For all I know, it was Willem Dafoe."
- scarabin0
what a queer
that wasn't even funny
- version30
so much hatred for christianity!
... what if it all turns out to be true? How ya'll gonna feel then?
:)
abizzyman
(Apr 6 05, 19:46)
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warm...i'll be in hell
- abizzyman0
I'm christian... but I don't believe in hell....
... ironic? ;)
- opiate0
Everything is ok in the world. Think for yourself,Question authority.
As you were....
- HRTWRK0
I question the authority that you own your stuff, Opiate... i'm sure you won't mind when someone steals it all tonight. After all, everything is ok in the world.
- opiate0
that made little sense, if any at all.
But please, feel free to come and try to take my stuff ( again that made no sense at all) and say hello to my LITTLE FREIND , Mr.9mm. pop pop.
- ********0
you question the authority that he owns his stuff?
that sentence makes no sense. Oh! You're quesitoning the authority of grammer... how witty.
- opiate0
or maybe it was because I quoted timothy leary without saying I did. The same quote that Tool uses on Third Eye on the Salival album,
Here's Tom with the weather.
- ********0
Tool was his Rumspringa.
Mimio
(Apr 6 05, 15:29)hee hee, hey don't mess with the Pennsylvanian Dutch
- HRTWRK0
Uncredited quoting... not picking up on sarcasm... people with God complexes (oh the irony) correcting grammar... recipes for typcial NT bickering.
- opiate0
What a NooB! hehehehe
- ********0
ha hahaa
- ********0
did i hurt your feelings HRTWRK? I'm sorry i didn't understand what you meant by what you said.
- opiate0
noobies with attitude.
the new black....
- scarabin0
if you didn't know where that quote was from, you shouldn't be in this thread
- opiate0
Exactly scarabin!
Thats like having to explain the severed head on a plate in a
J.P Witkin thread.