the scenario
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- kingjulien
My roommates' German mother is visiting through Sunday, and it's officially become an annoyance. I spent 2 hours cleaning the bathroom in preparation for her arrival, and now she just belittled her son for allowing it to get to such a "disgusting level". I actually heard her scrubbing the bathtub a few minutes ago, all the while cursing in her German accent. I know it's not exactly the Ritz Hotel here, but I've lived in Party House environments for most of my adult life--with dirty stoners named Mike V and Bobesh and Klaus Kinski passing out wherever there was free space, and bong water stains and puke smells and people picking up rug filaments that looked like tiny red haired nuckets and smoking them and getting sick for 2 days, and cam girls walking around in bikinis and talking to the plants about the difference between scenarios and situations, so i feel like I've come a long way in house cleansiness and being able to sustain a nice, quiet mellow living environment...
Currently they're tiling the kitchen floor, and inbetween listening to show tunes at high decimels (which I'm sorry to say is gay no matter how you look at it), they're whistling When Johnny comes marching home again in perfect unison....
I guess this wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to get up to lecture this morning at 5:30, and if I wasn't knocked up on Vicodin and Nyquil because of this silly cold and in dire need of a nap, and if the Red Sox weren't on at 1:00--ready to spank that ass with Bronson Arroyo and his Snoop Dog cornrows, which I'd like to watch in an ideal baseball environment rather than a post modern Bauhaus retrospective..
Okay, none of this is really worth complaining about, sorry to be a floosie and whine so much--it's actually quite funny if I approach it in the right way, and might even be a good creative catalyst, as I'm now forced to grab my camera and leave for a couple of hours...
With that said, I hope everybody's weekend is more enjoyable than mine is destined to be....at least I have Flavor Flav to look forward to Sunday evening...
- MrDinky0
kill her
- -leah-0
yes kill her....
it could be the perfect crime
NO ONE suspects the roomate!
- designerror0
Put on some nasty WWII movies max the volume
or just kill her
- mg330
Man! You are getting close to Kona's league as far as story telling is concerned.
Nice one!
- MrDinky0
so mg33
do you agree to kill her also?
- mg330
Make her watch Forest Gump.
About as close to killing her as you can get and not go to prison.
- mayo0
next time you have to pee and she's in the house, keep the door slightly open. Just enough for her to see you peeing into the tub. Or be sitting in her room "contemplating" when she wakes up in the morning. Good time to hone your diabolic ways.
- ad10
don't mention the war.
- ad10
actually a fawlty towers viewing session might break the ice
- -leah-0
faulty towers is brilliant!
manuel, LOL
- MrDinky0
enough chit chat, its chop chop time
- ad10
- kingjulien0
I think I might put on a black derby jacket with my last name in old english letters, and underneath it will be my blue checkered flannel with only the top button fastened, and then I'll put my Yamaka on top and ask her if she wants to play a quick game of spin the dradle:
"Yo b*tch, what's the haps on the dradle...."
If she mentions Wings of Desire or Leni Riefenstahl or the fact that there's a Kandinksy painted on both sides, I might show her a video of my cousin's Bar Mitzva, where my Uncle Bertin showed up in a baby blue tuxedo with a run dmc gold chain with a golden bagel attached--dangling in the front....
If that doesn't work, I might call Wayne Brady, and have him choke her...
- tny0
epic... lmfao
- mayo0
play some JewDriver music, too. I think the site has downloads.
- gruntt0
get slammed drunk and wake her at 4 am for locks and bagels.
- ad10
So that's two eggs mayonnaise, a prawn Goebbels, a Herman Goering and four Colditz salads
- gruntt0
try to f*ck her
things would never be the same again.
- mayo0
ask her if she knows wendell