Design Revolution
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- werker
My business partner, to remain anonymous, and I will be opening a new company in southern Mexico. We are leasing 30,000 sq ft of space and installing first generation digital offset presses fresh from the liquidation market. You, the designer, can rent the press on a per hourly basis. We will also be implementing a plan in which you can run the press with a series of remote webcams and an underpaid local who will follow your orders. We will also provide a digital platemaker so you can simply output it from your offices in the States, then come down and put them directly on the press yourself.
After seeing all the annual reports recently being printed in China, we understood the one thing that really kept offshore printing from taking off was shipping costs. With NAFTA, cheap labor, and a nearly free real estate market, we decided to go south.
We understand that the customer, your client, really has it right when they believe that printing should be free. They are also correct in realizing that trained monkeys can do both printing and design, save the real work for the Vice President of Marketing. The printing process is full of right-sizing opportunities, we are reducing printing to an almost free commodity for your customers.
We hope to see you at Trained Monkey's Inc. L.L.C.
- ********0
"with a series of remote webcams and an underpaid local who will follow your orders."
ah, so far for fair trade?
- ********0
"We understand that the customer, your client, really has it right when they believe that printing should be free."
ah, i am getting it!
a joke!!
and a funny one.
- bomy_dick0
arsch !!
lol
trained monkeyscan u also provide some interactive punishment for late workers by installing some electrical devices around their necks and let us send them some high volts through a click
- werker0
We recieved your request for electrical stimulation and renforcement. Not sure because we plan on supplying our workers with those Portable Waste Disposal systems that truck drivers use so they dont have to take potty breaks. I think electricity and body fluids may be to dangerous.
We will look into it. Look forward to this innovation at Trained Monkeys Inc. LLC version 2.
- Hypo0
Can you print out 10 million dollar bills and a converstion also into sterling. Il send the artwork asap.
- ********0
you guys planning opening a factory specialized in leather stitching?
I am planning on starting a new sneakers brand, but have very little cash..
- werker0
Mr Hypo:
Our business model is based on rental terms. You will need to print it yourself.Coincedently, our rates are 10 million dollars per hour.
- werker0
Dear 4cY:
Leather stitching is outside our expertise but you could save on costs by relocating to Mexico. Child labor in central China is cheap but problamatic when it comes to the art of shoe making.But hand stitching is an overhead issue. May I suggest manufacturing your shoes with peel and stick fake stitches? Your customers will believe they are getting quality hand stiched shoes, and you will have spent nothing.
We have space near our printing press for your production facilities. Lets talk.
- ********0
very nice!
any good branding will make those consumers believe.
i just need some young design-students to work for free on my prestigious campaign.
Nike, eat yer heart out!
- werker0
Sir!
Interns?! What about the liability costs! That is old economy thinking.
You can have your entire brand developed for $19.95 in 3 days. No interviewing, no shifting through portfolios. And no smelly foul mouthed students!
http://www.logosaur.net/
I plan on using these guys for branding of Trained Monkeys Inc. LLC.Or have a design contest for your campaign.
- mitsu0
consider the following:
public contests = free labor
- ********0
i go for the contest!
a factory in south mexico..
hmm, what do i need more?
oh yes, how do i go about in avoiding paying tax and how can i make my shareholders believe anything i publish? without getting on tv with handcuffs like those Enron folks?
any advice?
- mitsu0
"oh yes, how do i go about in avoiding paying tax "
create your own charity for your company comprised of all your cheap labor/contestants. donate your shoes that they made to them and be sure to get your recepit, that you of course printed next door...
- werker0
Brilliant mitsu...
Well, i like the idea of creating an offshore tax haven/bank on indian reservations in the USA.
Technically, the native american tribes are not under the domain of the government. I have my eye on an area ooutside of Oklahoma City
Sounds like the kind of thinking we need here at Trained Monkeys Inc. LLC
- ********0
very good!
brilliant!!
and how do i go about my privacy when i earned, say 20 billion dollars..
people just want to bother you and sue you for various reasons.. could be annoying.
- mitsu0
"and how do i go about my privacy when i earned, say 20 billion dollars.."
have a hired hand commit treason and report him under the witness protection program.... attain your new false identity and you'll never be bothered again...
ever..
... ever...
- ********0
nice!! thx.
I'll remember you, mitsu.
i advice you to open a safe bank account somewhere..
(swiss or something..)
reward is coming soon.so, what else do i need to take care of now?
- mitsu0
now all you need is an army of ninjas that will train all day fully suited in the blistering heat (it's ok though, their ninjas)
a meaningless disk with the blueprints and formulas of the worlds most complex and dangerous biological weapon (which you copied off the back of a napkin you found at the local diner) . this disk with be the bain of your existance as every one-hit-wonder mercinary this side of michael dudikoff will risk everything they own, chicks, family, friends and childhood sensies to retreive the contents of the disk and return it to its rightfull owner.
you see, this is why the army of ninjas is so important
of course, a naval intelligence consisting of pirates (arrr!) will also be neccessary... for that you can resort to the extras of the cast of 'Pirates of the Carribean' since after that performance, they'll have more than enough free time for the next few years...
- ********0
ooh, in that case i should have a hiding place...
a place where the US army nor the UN will look/hunt for evil...
Israel?
- werker0
the Pentagon