The Parlor
- Started
- Last post
- 725 Responses
- locustsloth0
Parlor's starting to fill up. That's a good thing. THe more people i can bore at the same time, the better.
- juhls0
I imagine this thread to be like "Deadwood". But slightly less conniving.
- nilsnihil0
feels twitterish
- dropdown0
I got an invite to the SBT!, but sadly feel inadequate.
- what is that?juhls
- High Four! (which is, essentially, an inadequate high five)locustsloth
- this is the new sbtnilsnihil
- and I'm in at the ground level!
I'll be vice elite cunt by New Years :Ddropdown
- locustsloth0
You got invited to the Slut Banger Tent? The Severed Barnicle Treaty? The Special Bus Trollfest? (oh wait, you're already here)
- locustsloth0
Yesterday, toward the end of my "work" day, my wife called me outside where she was playing with the boys.
She pulls me aside and says "A rabbit got caught in the fence and died and i don't want the kids to see it"
We think this rabbit, (whom we had seen alive, hopping around) used to be one of the meat rabbits that my neighbor used to raise. It was far too trusting (didn't move with a 4 yr old screaming at it from a window 3 ft away) and far too large. It was the size of a small cat.So Jenn (wife) took the boys for a short walk while i grabbed my shovel and got down to business. The way my wife had described it (she only saw a glance, then rushed the 4 yr old away) it sounded like the thing had gotten it's neck stuck and strangled itself. The real story is this poor thing had squeezed most of his body thru the small rectangular hole in the wire fencing, but when it got to it's hips, it just wouldn't go. And the particular hole it chose was far enough off the ground that it looked like it could just barely scratch the ground, but not enough to get enough traction to pull itself through.
So there it perished, suspended about it's mid-section. My wife recalled that the other night she had heard some odd animal noise from outside her room, but by the time she called me, the noise was gone. We now figure that it was the rabbit, since this fence is close to the room.
So, my family evacuated, i dug a hole in a section of the yard that's mostly cut off due to a brush pile and some trees. Then i set to getting the deceased buny free. First i kinda poked it, just in case it happened to be in some advanced state of shock. No movement, so i tried getting his back half through, but it was stuck for a reason, and i had as much luck going that way as the rabbit did. So i pulled the bulk of the rabbit backward through the hole, which came fairly easily.
The body was stiff and cold. i had never handled a dead animal of this size. I put it in the hole and tucked it's limbs in to be sure nothing stuck out of the ground (i was wearing plastic grocery bags as gloves). Before i covered it with the displaced earth, i had a thought that i had been having since my wife told me the situation. "i should take pictures of this" It's literally the first thing i thought after i understood that it was dead. Pics of it stuck. Pics of it in it's informal grave. Pics of it's cold dead eyes, which seemed to have some sort of white fog in the middle of them.
But i didn't. It's a little odd to say i wanted to give this animal, who had already passed on, some respect, but that's what i felt. So i covered it up with dirt, patted the pile down, said "There you go, little guy", put the bags in the trash, put the shovel in the barn and went about my life.
- 7point340
well i'll be.
you're all doing well in my absence... or, wait...
should i take this as a sign that you all have more to say when i'm not around?
- QUICK!! EVERYONE CLAM UP!!!locustsloth
- CRAP!! i said something. We're supposed to be shutting up until Percy over there leaveslocustsloth
- YOU FUCKING TOOL!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!locustsloth
- STOP YELLING AT ME!! i don't respond well to that shit!!locustsloth
- Awwww poor little baby!! Do you want your pacifier or your wubbie, or just a diaper change?locustsloth
- Look muther fucccker, i will take the ugly stick your mom beat you with and break it off in your ass if you don't lay off!!!locustsloth
- You wanna jump froggie? Well fuckin jump!!!locustsloth
- OW!!!locustsloth
- MOTHERFUCKER That stings!!locustsloth
- Truce?locustsloth
- Trucelocustsloth
- Where are we again?locustsloth
- we figured you had outgrown us...dropdown
- ...juhls
- nilsnihil0
- upchucksnilsnihil
- i think Stevie Wonder should rework "I Just Called..." to incorporate these lyricslocustsloth
- need a wetnap?dropdown
- dropdown0
bump
- ineffective, try againlocustsloth
- maybe if i post the link in another thread it will bump... hang on.dropdown
- *slams Llocustsloth
- dropdown0
Ok I've wasted enough of my day. I'm off home. Have a good one.
D
- locustsloth0
i'm working on my demo reel and it truly is a bitter-sweet process. On one hand, i can be as creative as i like, make up my own elements and am only bound by what i think looks good.
On the other hand, i'm being fairly nit-picky, which is making it take a lot of time, in addition to the fact that when things go wrong, i feel like i am firmly grasping my "Hack" moniker and ramming it into my forehead so it leaves an indentation- At least you're progressing.dropdown
- I've been at a stand-still for months, due to my hackiness.dropdown
- the actual examples i have for my in progress demo are a lot better than my previous demo.locustsloth
- But my DVD navigation is considerably less adventurous. But i'm ok with that.locustsloth
- My default postion is stagnation as well, Double D. But the dogs of relative poverty are nipping at my heels, so i gotta do somethinglocustsloth
- somethinglocustsloth
- Sometimes I do my best work when under pressure for a job/money.dropdown
- I'd be happy to help in any way I can. Although I'm quite useless when it comes to video.dropdown
- Thanks, fellow Parlorite
*puffs bubble pipelocustsloth
- locustsloth0
i just picked up a "Learning Web Design" book at the library. Pretty basic, but sill interesting. My knowledge has gone from a .5 to a 1 already. I'M TWICE AS SMARTER ABOUT IT!!
- Oh God! I was shooting for .5 later this year O_o
*runs to Chaptersdropdown
- Oh God! I was shooting for .5 later this year O_o
- locustsloth0
i am SOOOO CLOSE to finishing this damn demo. The last one i proofed the DVD and there were a bunch of little things that i was gonna let slide, but then something i just couldn't let slide was there so now i'm gonna fix that, and i may as well fix the little things too.
All i'm saying is i better get a gig outta this blandly packaged display of mediaocrity... OR ELSE!!!
- And now i've just fixed part of the major problem, all the little shit and forgot the other part of the big problem. FECK!!!locustsloth
- HAHA!!! SUCCESSS!!!!locustsloth
- dropdown0
You'll be happy you fixed them all in the end. Otherwise that's all you would look at in an interview.
I'd love to see it, but don't feel you're obliged just because I'm nosey.- i am actually planning on premiering it here in the Parlor. The minimal amount of exposure here to serious critics will assure my fragile self-esteem doesn't crumble like a dried out sand castlelocustsloth
- my fragile self-esteem doesn't crumble like a dried out sand castlelocustsloth
- locustsloth0
Here it is.
- HACK!!! Get a real job!!! MAKE ME A SAMMICH, BITCH!!!locustsloth
- locustsloth0
i keep remembering this incident from the thrid grade and have only now remembered to "parlor" it out, so to speak.
I was on the fringe of social acceptability then. Certainly not popular, uninterested in sport, awkward, not a spiffy dresser. But there were certainly others below me in the social structure of that time. Namely Sarah P. In addition to having a fairly tight curly fro of red hair, freckled skin and glasses, she was about as socially inept as you can be. One time she chewed on a pen until it exploded; ink all over her face and hands. Another time she left a banana in her desk, which then rotted.
One day, the alpha male of the class, John S, began spinning this tale about Sarah and i. He said he had a dream that he entered a house and opened a bedroom door and she and i were there naked and that we both ran out, apparently embarrassed of our 3rd grade lust. His telling of the dream drew most of the class and a good deal of ridicule of myself and Sarah.
If only i had the wits i had now, i would have asked him why HE was having a dream about the two of us naked and what that said about him.
Alas, opportunities missed. i often hope Ugly Duck Sarah grew into a swan. She was poor, from what i could tell of her house from the school bus window, and i think perhaps raised by her grandmother. She surely didn't deserve ALL of the ridicule that was heaped upon her.
- locustsloth0
My video broke the parlor
- locustsloth0
i'll be in the walk-in freezer if you need me
- oh haijuhls
- The freezer is your hiding spot? DAMMIT!!! Off to dumbwaiterlocustsloth
- locustsloth0
The Parlor: No, it's not the waiting room for Hell