Vice Mag
Out of context: Reply #10
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- 2cent0
lets see if i can hide this lil gem in this thread....its def VICE worthy.
in memery of the dirty sanchez thread...R.I.P.
Man’s Greatest Inventions
Hot Lunch - While receiving head from a woman, you proceed to shit on her chest (a.k.a. the Cleveland Steamer).
The Stranger - Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking off, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else.
Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, sticking your dick in her ass, and then punching her in the back of the head. This gives a tremendous sensation, but for it to work correctly, the girl must be knocked out so that her asshole tightens up.
Golden Shower - Any form of dropping piss all over a partner.
Pearl Necklace - Well known. Whenever you cum on the neck/cleavage area of a girl - it takes the look of beautiful jewelry.Coyote - This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty wombat and you know you've got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore, you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.
Purple Mushroom - This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar to a purple mushroom.
Fishhook - A variation of the shocker in which you pull back towards the pussy after you stick your finger up her anus.
The Ram - Again, you're attacking from behind, when you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.
Dog in a Bathtub - This is a proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts in a girl's ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.
The Bronco - Back to reality with this classic. You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab her tits as tight as possible and yell another girl's name. This gives you the feeling of riding a bronco as she tries to buck you off.
Pink Glove - This frequently happens during sex when a girl is not wet enough. When you pull out to give her the money shot, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove.
The Fountain of You - While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before releasing, spewing like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck, and tits (Better in her bed).
New York Style Taco - Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down, you barf on her box. Happy trails.
The Dirty Sanchez - A time honored event in which while laying the bone doggy style, you insert your finger into said woman's asshole, pull it out, wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin, shit moustache. This makes her look like someone whose name would be Dirty Sanchez.
The Fish Eye - From behind, you shove your finger in her ass. Thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to see what the hell you are doing.
Tuna Melt - You're down on a chick lapping away and discover that it just happens to be that time of month. By no means do you stop though. When the whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face.
Fur Ball - You're chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro when a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her.
The Chili Dog - You take a shit on a girl's tits and proceed to titty fuck her.
Flying Squirrel - Spread your ball sac over her eyes like the lone ranger's mask. Very odoriferous for her, strangely fucked up for you. Note: Tough to do with a hard on as the whole bag tends to shrink. Better to wait until after, that way there's more stretch (and there's more build-up).
The Teabagging - The all time classic maneuver of tapping your cock on a chick's forehead while she is sucking on your balls, and uttering the timeless phrase -- "Who's Your daddy?"
The Houdini - Going at it doggy-style until you are just about to cum, then pull out and spit on her back so she thinks that you have. When she turns around a blast is unleashed into her face and she is left shocked and amazed, wondering how you managed it.
The Angry Dragon - Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up, she'll look like an angry dragon (a.k.a. The White Dragon).
Cum Guzzling Sperm Burping Bitch - The once in a lifetime act of blowing a hot steamy load down the back of a girl's throat and then proceeding to give her a large cold bottle of your favorite carbonated drink, making her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect. A great way to impress your friends.
The Flaming Amazon - This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When you're screwing some chick, right when your about to cum, pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then...extinguish the flames with your jizz! (A.K.A. the Fireman).
The Flying Camel - A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her on your knees, you very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vertical seafood taco. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl, much like a flying camel. Strictly a classy move.
The Screwnicorn - When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.
The Zombie Mask - While getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those "pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good weeks worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.
The Rusty Trombone - The sounds of sweet music are created during this endless classic. You assume the doggy style position while she goes behind and starts blowing in your asshole. She then reaches around the front and rapidly starts pulling on you cock. Talk about music to your ears!