I AM BACK
Out of context: Reply #11
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- Vinney20
I feel allright, although sometimes I feel so low you wouldnt believe it. To have nothing after having everything sucks. Heres the last email Iwrote a few weeks back... its f*cking long!
Email 14 / THE LAST BLAST:
Last email was from the Krabi region, West Coast Thailand. I did kayaking and sleeping by day, and pushed the party limit with my new friends at night. It was all really terribly wonderful of course.
I left Ralieh beach and de-toxed for a few days in Krabi town alone. I had just under a week to play with before flying Bangkok to Heathrow. The last blast was here. I could tell you that my last week was spent living in the Northern hills of Thailand, spending time with tribal people with stretched long necks, eating dog. But alas, it would be a lie. Nearly a year had passed since leaving England, now in my final days, I wanted to spend time with people I knew, so as not to be too reflective - wallowing in self-pity that it was all over. Koh Pan Ngan again then. Apart from being a place where I knew a lot of people, Koh Pan Ngan is just an amazing place. It is always a delightful pleasure to see how your night turns out there. And always surprising.
The February full moon party there, is the busiest of the year. Imagine a crowd, stolen from in front of the main stage at Glastonbury during say, Coldplay. Move that to a Thai Island with a beautiful beach. Now, strip them off, whack a pair of shorts on them all, and some flip-flops. Keep them off their face as they were of course; add sand in their hair, and a bucket of Whiskey & RedBull to their hand. Reduce the price of the drinks by 80%. Add some more fire-dancers and a far huger mix of nationalities. Hey presto, a full moon party. I am not saying for a minute that it is better than Glastonbury, but it’s up there - no doubt. Same-same-but-different, as they say on the Thai Islands.
All the usual debauchery. I had re-united with my cousin, Briggy and the Canadian queen to name a few. Some of us painted ourselves with neon paint. I looked like a glowing Braveheart. The Canadian queen is bald, so we drew a face on the back of his head. It looked great when he walked backwards towards you. It freaked out a few people on acid.
I lost my camera that night – the third one in a year. I lost some great pictures on it. Oh well that’s traveling. It happens, no matter who you are. It just adds to the lost-list. I’ve lost 9 pairs of shades this year, a watch, an important notebook, 6 t-shirts, a CD player, a wallet and most of my marbles. Although I have gained socks.
So, more egotistical acts (like walking through fire, having a beer breakfast and staying up til 1pm, a personal record) and a few days had passed. It was time for my ferry to the mainland. I had kicked it so hard I was late. I had no choice but to get a boat to Ko Samui, then fly to Bangkok, I had left it too late to get a cheap bus. I had to take a connecting flight to Heathrow that night. I had an utterly excellent time in Koh Pan Ngan as always but it was time to move on. But this was the end now, the last time. Oh my god. It was over.
I was extremely tired in Bangkok airport, but that wasn’t about to let my mind stop running away with all sorts of thoughts. After a year on the road, I had 6hrs left before my final flight. You just would not believe just how weird you feel when a year of traveling finishes. A real mind bender.
Do you look forward, or back? Do you feel relieved, or robbed? I did both. So many mixed feelings swirl around your memory filled head. Then, in a coffee shop, you get your personal CD player out and you torture yourself by listening to all the music that has meanings to you from the last year. The most apt tune I found for that moment being Duran Duran. But I wont cry for yesterday, there’s an ordinary world, somehow I have to find, and as I try to make my way, to the ordinary world, I will learn to survive.This was the year I had danced in the spray of the worlds widest waterfall in Brazil, I skate-boarded across the harbour bridge in Sydney, I mountain biked down a mountain in Argentina, I saw the sun rise over a mirror-like Bolivian salt flat, I dived off a boat with my brother in Vietnams idyllic Halong Bay, I ate peppered crab in Singapore with a girl I had originally met in Rio, I even worked in a fu-king call center for goodness sake.
This was also the year I got stoned by drinking a drink made from the roots of a plant in a Fijian petrol station. This is the year that on a beach in Ko Lanta, Thailand - I sat around a fire and played the bongos whilst Hayley, a girl I had met nearly a year before, juggled sticks of fire. This is the year I met my Irish cousin, a man who never got tired of introducing me to people as “My cousin Vinney”, when he was coherent enough to form a sentence and not dancing with a kestrel on his shoulder. And that lot is just a fraction of the priceless highlights.The best thing about it though, would have to be the people I met. It appears difficult to let yourself go to the world and not get a lot back. I have been so lucky though, to have met many people who love life, yet have a real care for others. They are what made it so special.
I have been back for over a week now. I flew from Bangkok to Heathrow in a weird state of mind. Getting on a plane and flying is, to me, awe-inspiring, but this flight was contradictory to all I had ever felt. I didn’t know whether I should be happy to be on it or not. If I have to be honest, the sadness was stronger than the happiness.
So, England came inevitably. I got off the plane with a feeling that was so powerful, it wrapped around to nothingness. Numbness I suppose. I had arranged for my friends to pick me up.
I gathered my luggage, then, I tried to do the same with my thoughts. I walked out into the terminal. They were not there. F-ck. The arrival hall was full of people, but I didn’t know any of them. It was 6am and I was cold. I hadn’t worn a jumper since Australian winter 6 months before, I hadn’t entertained more that a pair of flip-flops for footwear in a long time. I put a load of clothes on. I used a BT internet-point/telephone to see if I had any emails. 10p per minute it said. Cool, I thought, £6 per hour is the steepest internet access I have ever seen in the world but I only need a minute. I put 20p in anyway, the machine then flashed up a rude notice; 50p Minimum. Welcome to England.But then: “VINNEY!!!!”
”Oh my god” I stammered. 3 great friends came charging at me. Hugs and laughs, and we were off. We bombed it down to Brighton and had breakfast at Carrots Café, seafront. I was home in Brighton, and it actually felt pretty damn good. My mates were making me laugh. Unlike Asia, the bacon was edible. The hardcore cockney accent on the chef that made our fry-up’s was surely stolen from the film Snatch. I had a proper mug of tea. - I was so in England.That was then, this is now.
I live in my mum’s house, which is a bit of a come-down but it won’t be for too long. I am constantly in the process of catching up with people I haven’t seen, which is just great. I’m applying for jobs if they appeal, and looking for lots of freelance design work. If anyone can help get me some more design work, please do. I need a big fat client or two. I am very happy to say I see Hayley often. She is a cracker. Life is pretty good, but it’s clearly going to take time to get sorted. I’m not the first, and I wont be the last to feel like this. It can suck, but even if I struggle for a while, it was more than worth it.This is possibly the last email from me, if you are one of the people that has had the patience to read them all, or some of them if you met me during this last year, congratulations. I really hope you have enjoyed them. I have certainly enjoyed writing them. It’s going to be a book. When I’ve edited it all, and added a few pictures, you will be able to download a copy of it from my web site. I’m putting it together for publishing, - well I’ll give it a go, and if not, ill print it all and stick it on a shelf somewhere. I know I’ll read it all one day when I need to.
Thank you to everyone I laughed with.
Vinney White
Email 14 / THE LAST BLAST:
Last email was from the Krabi region, West Coast Thailand. I did kayaking and sleeping by day, and pushed the party limit with my new friends at night. It was all really terribly wonderful of course.
I left Ralieh beach and de-toxed for a few days in Krabi town alone. I had just under a week to play with before flying Bangkok to Heathrow. The last blast was here. I could tell you that my last week was spent living in the Northern hills of Thailand, spending time with tribal people with stretched long necks, eating dog. But alas, it would be a lie. Nearly a year had passed since leaving England, now in my final days, I wanted to spend time with people I knew, so as not to be too reflective - wallowing in self-pity that it was all over. Koh Pan Ngan again then. Apart from being a place where I knew a lot of people, Koh Pan Ngan is just an amazing place. It is always a delightful pleasure to see how your night turns out there. And always surprising.
The February full moon party there, is the busiest of the year. Imagine a crowd, stolen from in front of the main stage at Glastonbury during say, Coldplay. Move that to a Thai Island with a beautiful beach. Now, strip them off, whack a pair of shorts on them all, and some flip-flops. Keep them off their face as they were of course; add sand in their hair, and a bucket of Whiskey & RedBull to their hand. Reduce the price of the drinks by 80%. Add some more fire-dancers and a far huger mix of nationalities. Hey presto, a full moon party. I am not saying for a minute that it is better than Glastonbury, but it’s up there - no doubt. Same-same-but-different, as they say on the Thai Islands.
All the usual debauchery. I had re-united with my cousin, Briggy and the Canadian queen to name a few. Some of us painted ourselves with neon paint. I looked like a glowing Braveheart. The Canadian queen is bald, so we drew a face on the back of his head. It looked great when he walked backwards towards you. It freaked out a few people on acid.
I lost my camera that night – the third one in a year. I lost some great pictures on it. Oh well that’s traveling. It happens, no matter who you are. It just adds to the lost-list. I’ve lost 9 pairs of shades this year, a watch, an important notebook, 6 t-shirts, a CD player, a wallet and most of my marbles. Although I have gained socks.
So, more egotistical acts (like walking through fire, having a beer breakfast and staying up til 1pm, a personal record) and a few days had passed. It was time for my ferry to the mainland. I had kicked it so hard I was late. I had no choice but to get a boat to Ko Samui, then fly to Bangkok, I had left it too late to get a cheap bus. I had to take a connecting flight to Heathrow that night. I had an utterly excellent time in Koh Pan Ngan as always but it was time to move on. But this was the end now, the last time. Oh my god. It was over.
I was extremely tired in Bangkok airport, but that wasn’t about to let my mind stop running away with all sorts of thoughts. After a year on the road, I had 6hrs left before my final flight. You just would not believe just how weird you feel when a year of traveling finishes. A real mind bender.
Do you look forward, or back? Do you feel relieved, or robbed? I did both. So many mixed feelings swirl around your memory filled head. Then, in a coffee shop, you get your personal CD player out and you torture yourself by listening to all the music that has meanings to you from the last year. The most apt tune I found for that moment being Duran Duran. But I wont cry for yesterday, there’s an ordinary world, somehow I have to find, and as I try to make my way, to the ordinary world, I will learn to survive.This was the year I had danced in the spray of the worlds widest waterfall in Brazil, I skate-boarded across the harbour bridge in Sydney, I mountain biked down a mountain in Argentina, I saw the sun rise over a mirror-like Bolivian salt flat, I dived off a boat with my brother in Vietnams idyllic Halong Bay, I ate peppered crab in Singapore with a girl I had originally met in Rio, I even worked in a fu-king call center for goodness sake.
This was also the year I got stoned by drinking a drink made from the roots of a plant in a Fijian petrol station. This is the year that on a beach in Ko Lanta, Thailand - I sat around a fire and played the bongos whilst Hayley, a girl I had met nearly a year before, juggled sticks of fire. This is the year I met my Irish cousin, a man who never got tired of introducing me to people as “My cousin Vinney”, when he was coherent enough to form a sentence and not dancing with a kestrel on his shoulder. And that lot is just a fraction of the priceless highlights.The best thing about it though, would have to be the people I met. It appears difficult to let yourself go to the world and not get a lot back. I have been so lucky though, to have met many people who love life, yet have a real care for others. They are what made it so special.
I have been back for over a week now. I flew from Bangkok to Heathrow in a weird state of mind. Getting on a plane and flying is, to me, awe-inspiring, but this flight was contradictory to all I had ever felt. I didn’t know whether I should be happy to be on it or not. If I have to be honest, the sadness was stronger than the happiness.
So, England came inevitably. I got off the plane with a feeling that was so powerful, it wrapped around to nothingness. Numbness I suppose. I had arranged for my friends to pick me up.
I gathered my luggage, then, I tried to do the same with my thoughts. I walked out into the terminal. They were not there. F-ck. The arrival hall was full of people, but I didn’t know any of them. It was 6am and I was cold. I hadn’t worn a jumper since Australian winter 6 months before, I hadn’t entertained more that a pair of flip-flops for footwear in a long time. I put a load of clothes on. I used a BT internet-point/telephone to see if I had any emails. 10p per minute it said. Cool, I thought, £6 per hour is the steepest internet access I have ever seen in the world but I only need a minute. I put 20p in anyway, the machine then flashed up a rude notice; 50p Minimum. Welcome to England.But then: “VINNEY!!!!”
”Oh my god” I stammered. 3 great friends came charging at me. Hugs and laughs, and we were off. We bombed it down to Brighton and had breakfast at Carrots Café, seafront. I was home in Brighton, and it actually felt pretty damn good. My mates were making me laugh. Unlike Asia, the bacon was edible. The hardcore cockney accent on the chef that made our fry-up’s was surely stolen from the film Snatch. I had a proper mug of tea. - I was so in England.That was then, this is now.
I live in my mum’s house, which is a bit of a come-down but it won’t be for too long. I am constantly in the process of catching up with people I haven’t seen, which is just great. I’m applying for jobs if they appeal, and looking for lots of freelance design work. If anyone can help get me some more design work, please do. I need a big fat client or two. I am very happy to say I see Hayley often. She is a cracker. Life is pretty good, but it’s clearly going to take time to get sorted. I’m not the first, and I wont be the last to feel like this. It can suck, but even if I struggle for a while, it was more than worth it.This is possibly the last email from me, if you are one of the people that has had the patience to read them all, or some of them if you met me during this last year, congratulations. I really hope you have enjoyed them. I have certainly enjoyed writing them. It’s going to be a book. When I’ve edited it all, and added a few pictures, you will be able to download a copy of it from my web site. I’m putting it together for publishing, - well I’ll give it a go, and if not, ill print it all and stick it on a shelf somewhere. I know I’ll read it all one day when I need to.
Thank you to everyone I laughed with.
Vinney White