Parenting
Out of context: Reply #16
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- jamesbeat5
Besides the few practical things you can actually prepare that the others already mentioned, try to find a proper workout routine for your back that you can do regularily. There will be a lot of one-sided carrying and lifting paired with little sleep and stress. I wish I had fixed my back pain before going into this...
The most valuable advice I got is this: In the first 2-3 years you basically just do whatever works to make the kid (and mother) happy, feel safe and loved. But it is important to steadily transition away from that as the kid grows older.
Gently encourage your kid to sleep in alone for example, even when there's a bit of background noise. Communicate that you have needs, too and bit by bit reclaim some free personal time for your better half and equally important, yourself.Don't fall for stuff like "three day potty training", or other bullet proof methods to force something on your child, you're not raising a puppy. But pay attention to windows of opportunity that open from time to time when the kid is ready to learn something new or become more self sustained, be there and give support, they'll figure it out when they are ready.
Sounds obvious, but treat your kid with respect from the beginning. This can mean literally sitting down and communicating on eye level when talking to your child, without caring about what others around you might think of how a child should be treated. I have seen many parents talking to their kids as if they were cute pets or little problems that they need to manage.(They often are, but it's not their fault, it's your responsibility)
Respect them as you do respect yourself. Just don't expect to get any of that respect back in the first couple of years.Find the time to visit a first aid for kids workshop at some point. You won't ever need most of the stuff you learn, but it will be worth a lot if you do – and it helped me to better judge dangerous situations. And always have a band aid with you to unlock the secret dad superpower when your kid falls.
Keep media consumption as far away as you can for as long as possible. Kids get addicted to phones and tv so quickly. Question you own habits and try to not use your phone while around your kid. They will compete for your attention and want to do what they see you doing. Look for a public library with a decent kids books collection instead and go there often. I hauled tons of books back and forth every couple of weeks and this really sparked imagination with my kids. And it's a very good way of spending time together reading stories and looking at pictures.
If you're not on the same page with your partner about how to deal with a situation, try to figure out how important it really is to you. If it's not a fight you need to pick, talk it through afterwards. You will loose most of these fights anyway, so better not let the kids take note of that, they will use it against you on the first occasion.
And finally, you will have a lot less time to spend for yourself than before. So you might as well do anything you can to make the time you spend with your kids and family the best possible. Find things that both you and your child enjoy and the magic of life will unfold before your eyes :-)